My boyfriend said he wouldn't date me if I was 30 lbs heavier

Dealbreaker? Would you find that acceptable or am I just sensitive?

I could have seen it if I had said 100lbs but 30 doesn't even put me into the overweight category. I'd still be at a healthy weight. I model part time, or try to, and it's obviously a very shallow industry. That's to be expected but I always thought when I get home, it's about more than that. Idk, I thought our relationship was deeper than that

I thought he saw more in me than just sexual attraction or am I wrong assume that's all he wants based on his reaction?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Apparently it's not for him.

    My boyfriend gave me a weight limit too, but I'd actually have to try to get that big. My metabolism doesn't let me get above a particular weight without fighting me lol.

    I'm 110 lbs right now. My body doesn't let me get more than 120. He told me that if I got within 20 lbs of his weight and I wasn't pregnant he'd lose his attraction for me. Of course, he weighs 190-200 lbs so I'd have to work really hard to get that big.

    You should ask your guy why he said that and why he's with you.

    • theres no such thing as not being able to gain weight unless you have a true absorption problem where you're shitting out or vomiting anything extra. even with a fast metabolism, if you eat more than you burn you gain. no way you're burning more than 6000 unless you're a professional athlete.

      im sure you could gain weight if you tried. it has to go somewhere. f you ate 6000 calories a day youd gain weight. probably even on 3000.

    • I only meant that my body fights me. Once I reach a certain weight I get tired and am never hungry and I just feel awful so it's very easy for me to stay around 110.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • How long have you guys been together?

    I sort of get it if you are just dating... I mean, it's just his preference and he may not LOVE you yet.

    But if you are a serious couple and he's supposed to love you than that is extremely disappointing of him. When I have a girlfriend and I love her she could gain weight or have scars or burns and I would still love her. A statement like that makes me think he still sees you as an "attractive girl" rather than someone he admires for their personality.

  • you don't realize the analogy.

    if you can pound on 30lbs then it can easily go higher.

    30lb is huge. sometimes even 10 pounds of weight can be the difference between a hottie and a nottie.

    I had a friend back in college...she modeled part-time too.few pounds added and she lost that sexy jay structure and basically had overblown nottie.

    No one wants a fat chick.

    • all the fatties down-voting :P

    • I downvoted you too. Considering that the vast majority of models are underweight, I find it ridicoulous you'd call one fat after gaining 10 lbs which would put them into the lower end of the healthy category.

    • you never mentioned you did ramp.

  • It sounds like he's just a douche bag. Tell him he can't gain any weight either, see how he likes it.

  • It is wrong to base that on his reactions. Now lets say you are done with puberty. Your height now will be the height of the rest of your life. Your weight should be in balance with your height to calculate a healthy bmi. For ever 5 feet you should be 100 lbs. for every inch on top of that is an additional 5 lbs. I'm 5'7, so I weight 130 lbs. Gaining 30 lbs is a huge jump, and in no way is that healthy. You gain weight like that from eating chemicals, not food! Yes, your right, it is more then just physical attraction, but a women that does not take care of her own health is a turn off. And NO, its NOT okay for people to say it is okay to be unhealthy. If you are a fat person, you're obviously apathetic about your own wellness, and that is off putting!

    • I'm 5'10 and at 115 lbs right now, 30 lbs heavier I'd be at 145 which would very well still be in the healthy range. You can eat healthy and be very fit at that BMI. If anything I'm unhealthy now because I'm underweight and not eating enough. I know that, but it's my job

    • Show All
    • no they're right. Obviously weight fluctuates a bit in general that's how it is. I know it's a bit too low but as I said, it's not forever and in fact in the fashion industry it's normal. You'll hardly find a girl that has a BMI highter than 17.

      I eat a raw vegan diet, so I try to get most vitamins and minerals

    • So what about choline and vitamin b12? Those are very important essentials you wouldn't get from a vegan diet!

What Girls Said 6

  • I am sorry but I see this as EXTREMELY shallow. Maybe I am biased here because I am in borderline overweight area and I am currently dieting and exercising to get down to my target weight of 130 lbs which according to this guy is probably grossly disgustingly overweight! My boyfriend constantly tells me he loves me the way I am which is nice and has never mentioned about not fancying me if I put on weight, that puts someone under EXTREME pressure. Our bodies are changing constantly especially if you were to get pregnant or something. I don't know if that's something you are considering for your future, but if you were I wouldn't be seeing it with him.

    You have a right to be sensitive hunny, you are a woman! Yeah I expect the modelling world is harsh and you shouldn't have to put up with that crap when you get home. Find out what he sees in you, other than looks and if he can't , please consider your relationship, you deserve someone who loves your mind first and your looks second.

    • well I asked and he answered, I don't think he would have mentioned it otherwise. I also think pregnancy would be excluded from that. But you know what about afterwards? Yes I do want a family and I don't want to be a model forever, so it's normal that I'll gain weight with time.

      I wonder if he even realizes what takes me to keep my current weight

    • Well obviously I cannot tell you what to do as I don't know you or him, but what I am getting from how you are putting this is that you don't seem very positive about this relationship at all, and if you are not getting emotional fulfillment from this man, then you should try and find it in someone better, because there are nice decent guys out there. Don't waste your time with a gap filler. You could miss out on finiding mr right being with this guy. It is so worth it in the end when you do :)

  • Yeah that is messed up. How long have you been with him? I don't think he loves you...I mean...who would say that if they truly loved you...yeah that would hurt me too :( I am sorry.

    my boyfriend always tells me it wouldn't matter how much weight I gained...I would always be sexy to him.

    I am sure you are beautiful inside and out and 30lbs isn't really a huge difference either.


  • I know my boyfriend wouldn't leave me but I think he would tell me to lose weight. Honestly, I think people who care about you, care about your health. If you gain to much weight, it's not healthy. At some point, even if it hurts, I'd want him to tell me to be careful. I don't have a model body type. I would feel bad because like most women I'm self conscience about my body but in a way, it means that he cares.

    • well for me, I'd be healtheir at 30 lbs heavier, so it's not that he cares about my health

    • Then is an a**

      It's selfish. You want the best for the other. It's selfish of him not to care about your health. As long as your healthy, he should accept you. If he doesn't want to stay because of this, it's his lost and he doesn't deserve you

  • would you date him if he put on 30 pounds with no intention f losing it. it would alter his appearance greatly. plus some people are just repulsed by fat. if it doesn't suit you leave him. many would find his attitude unacceptable, while others just don't like fat. usually for women 'healthy weight' includes a decent amount of fat. healthy weights on a scale are to many 'chubby; in appearance. if it bothers you dump him. you shuldnt feel like a sex toy for someone you actually care for.

    • I would, I would prefer the way he looks now, but I would still love him and want to be with him if he was 30 lbs heavier. if it was 200 lbs, maybe not, but gaining a bit of weight isn't bad in my eyes

    • i just saw youve been together two years, I thought you were dating. I don't know why. I guess id assume if it was an important subject to him, it'd have arose sooner. it is odd he'd be thinking of that at this point, imo. Sorry.

    • I asked him, because we were watching drop dead dive, that's why it came up. Otherwise I don't think it would have

  • Uh, rude.

  • thats shallow- but would you date him if he was 30 lbs heavier

    • I would, I would prefer the way he looks now, but I would still love him and want to be with him if he was 30 lbs heavier. if it was 200 lbs, maybe not, but gaining a bit of weight isn't bad in my eyes

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