What to do with a girl that likes me but doesn't want a relationship?

basically she got out of a 2 year relationship about 2 months ago. I know she likes me, we hang out a lot, make out, sleep together, shower together etc.. I want to be in a relationship with her but she says she doesn't want that right now. sometimes I feel like she wants to because she will hold my hand or mention things about us dating just things that people would do if they were dating. I just don't know what to do. should I just stop doing what I'm doing because I'm setting myself up for disappointment. I mean we aren't dating so she is free to do what she wants but I always think about her and other guys together. Should I stop what I am doing and basically tell her once she is ready to be in a relationship come to me and if I feel the same then we can date? what would you do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Does she like you or is she afraid of being alone?

    I don't think if you ask her that point blank, you would receive an honest answer. So just be honest with her. You're confused, you have feelings and you don't want to be strung along. Set some boundaries and go from there.

    Unless you're enjoying the perks of her attraction more that you are admitting ...

    I think you're the rebound guy. After a 2 year relationship it's hard to acclimate to being on your own. You're easing her transition by playing pseudo boyfriend and she can segue into the single life with her self esteem intact. Harsh, I know, but some people need that reassurance before they move on. I'm wondering how she could move on so quickly from a 2 year relationship. Honestly, if it was a decent relationship, you really can't. There is baggage there, for sure.

    Don't be too hard on her though. She's looking for comfort and reassurance, I think. I can't see her being deliberately obtuse about your feelings, I think she's just trying to make her way through something difficult. Seeking familiarity amid upheaval is a natural human response. Maybe if you were completely honest with her about how you feel and how she's making you feel, you could get a proper response from her. Might not one you want, but at least you have a chance of knowing where you stand.

    Good luck.

    • This really helped me. I think that is what the guy I was talking about in my comment was doing. I was a crutch of reassurance. He got out of a two-year relationship and she was HIGHLY abusive and he was having nightmares about her and not sleeping. I was just someone to comfort and began to come on to me and play with my feelings, before I finally got it out of him that there wasn't anything more between us, that he didn't want to hurt me, and that he wasn't ready. I guess I got used. :/

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 5

  • Yes. OMG. This is almost what I'm going through, but not to that extreme. Mine was more of an emotional relationship/affair. You need to respect yourself and know that you deserve these things from someone who is in a healthy place and ready to commit fully to you. She's just patching the hurt and filling the void with you right now. She probably did those intimate things with the other guy. The guy I am referring to in my situation said the same thing to me about not wanting anything serious, after toying with my emotions and leading me on for a while. When I confronted him with my feelings, he faded away. I would confront her. It's better to know now, then to know later that she never had her heart in it and was just filling a void. I would tell her that you like her, but realize she is in a fragile place and want to be with her, but cannot fully do that until she is in a place to fully commit to you, as you want a real relationship and not an imitation. You deserve the real thing, hun.

  • stop treating her as more than a friend, if you aren't dating you shouldn't be giving because she can take it all with all the benefits and non of the cons of a relationship and there's nothing you can do about it because she never 'committed'.

    tell her when she's ready to come to you and you'll happily have her

  • You have to do what's best for you. I'm going to assume you are going to get hurt because she isn't reciprocating your feelings/actions whatever. She's getting the cake and eating it too. Why should she give you what you want she's already getting what she wants from you. I don't think its going to change. You need to accept it for what it is now or stop seeing her. No don't try to be friends and all that nonsense, at least not for awhile. It's all or nothing. You need to find someone that's going to meet your needs and she's not.

    • thats what I think too its just hard. Plus I see her everyday even if I wasn't trying to hang out with her

    • Why do you see her everyday?

    • Turtleluv is right, relationships are give and take and she wants it all and doesn't want to give back anything in return. This kind of relationship isn't good for you, so what you need to do is stop what you are doing with her and just tell her straight up that you can't continue seeing her and being physically intimate with her until she is ready to commit. If she isn't willing then break it off and give her space. And don't try to be her friend either.

  • I know you must be hurt because rejection is hard, but it is a simple fix really. Ask yourself "Why should she commit to me when I give her all of the relationship privileges without the commitment? STOP giving her all of the relationship privileges and perks! Respect yourself. You are worth more than that. You deserve to give yourself to someone who wants to give themselves to you.

    See how she reacts when you withdraw from her. DONT let her back in without a commitment and AVOID compromising situations that may lead to having sex. Don't even talk frequently on the phone or text frequently. If she says she wants you make sure you get a commitment first and make sure the commitment is known to others. Make her work to prove the commitment before you give her anything.

    Promise you will get an answer, but it may hurt. Be prepared to deal with the pain.

  • if relationship is something you want and she is not into, then you have to be honest with her and yourself. follow what your heart say


What Guys Said 0

Be the first guy to share an opinion
and earn 1 more Xper point!