What should confirm that the guy I'm seeing is too good to be true?

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I met him on tinder a week ago. We've probably sent each other up to 1000 texts since. He always initiates contact in the morning and we message each other 2-3 txts at a time back and forth all day long, even at night time (he claims he wants to talk to me a little before going to sleep). He's a working professional, we're close in age and we've met in person last night. We were at a coffee shop and talked for 6 hours straight. He texted me to check that I got home alright.

It seems like things are going pretty fast. He seems to have gotten REALLY into me really fast, which worries me that he's phony on some level. He hasn't made any creepy physical moves. We just kissed after our neverending evening date and only one text out of the bjillion ones we exchanged was slightly racy. It alluded to "spicing things up". I denied this text, told him that I wasn't into that right now and that patience was a virtue - he didn't insist at all after that.

I'm wondering if he's faking it all and trying to fool me somehow, but on the other hand, he's making LOADS of effort that I don't think a player would make just for a potential slam piece... What do you think?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I feel like I'm like him, an I'd like to think I'm a genuinely nice guy. I never tried to initiate sex early on, because I know girls don't like that usually. Some guys are just nice, we're not all sexual deviants trying to get into every girls pants.

    To be honest, he sounds like a great guy. Don't over think things and be glad you found him. You don't know him, so chances are you'll find some issues with him down the line (no one is perfect), but it seems you're trying hard to look for issues, and you have to ask yourself why?

    Anyways, don't stress. He doesn't sounds like a player. A player would be pushing for something more. If not right away, soon after. Players try to get into as many girls pants as fast as possible. He sounds like he's taking his time, and is trying to respect your wishes.

    However he is a guy, which is why he wanted to spice things up. Clearly he's great if he toned it down after you wanted to take things slow.

    • It reassures me that you can relate! I'm a very cynical person whom doesn't waste her time with deadend relationships. I'm upfront and honest and I can see right through bullshit and fooling around. So that's why I'm VERY suspicious. I haven't found anything gruesome so far and things are just going so smoothly I'm worried it's all unreal, you know? He's pushing a bit to see each other again, even suggesting an event later in the month. That worries me a bit. I don't know if that's cause he's

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    • This is not always true! I met a guy who acted like he was serious about me real fast, and he never tried to make a move or be sexual with me till we had been dating for over a month. In the end, I found out he was a player and he was dating multiple girls... I'm not sure there is any true way if knowing... You just gotta take a chance and hope for the better... Its so hard!

    • I don't know about dating multiple girls but hell, I don't think it'd be humanly possible to keep up with that considering HOW MUCH he texts me. I'm getting confused already, keeping up with my convos with a few guys at once, I think he's putting too much effort so have that much left for a boatload of ladies. :S

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What Guys Said 3

  • I think you are a bit paranoid. Although I wouldn't blame you much .

    From what you wrote , he doesn't sound like a player. But be ware that people change emotions. It is not only players that break women's hearts .

    I will give you a rule.. there is NO risk free way to relationships. Specially in this age where sex before marriage is the norm and not the exception. The guaranteed way to get a guy to commit is mostly how your characters intertwine together. Beauty gets the foot in the door. Charm , warmth, trust , intellect , humour and trust is what gets people to think about commitment. Even then, there are risks of bumps along the way .

    I would want you to not think much about this '' creeper'' stuff . Your choice shouldn't have to jump hoops of criterion set by some silly girlfriends or a fixed societal rule. And your opinion shouldn't be based on your friends' .

    I don't know if what I am gonna say gonna make you feel better or worse. If a player wants to get you , and he is persistent ( most of them aren't ) then there is no fool proof to detect him. What you should do instead os to tread carefully with your heart. Be assertive and go at your own pace. So by the time it leads to sex , if he bails on you after that , then at least he has paid a good price with his time and effort. And as I said .. most players won't have the patience to wait for you .

    All the best

    • Thanks SO MUCH for your thorough answer! It's my favourite type of reply :) Yeah you're probably right that I'm paranoid. But I'm 21 after all, so it'd be too risky to assume that ANY guy near my age is serious, mature and honest.

      I find your beauty/personality theory pretty interesting. He has told me he finds me attractive and that my pictures didn't do me justice. We do laugh a lot together. He claims he loves that I'm funny and sassy. So I can see beyong physical attraction on his part.

    • So I can see some definite compatibility potential. I just can't tell if he's sticking around cause he sees that too, or because he's hoping to play me later on. I guess I should stop thinking about the creeper stuff, as you say. It does block me a little from letting things move forward. I don't think I'll ever get played though. I'm way too cautious and straightforward for that. Anyway, as of now we're still texting during the day. I'm reassured that his texting has gone down a lot today,

    • since he was back at work. It reassures me that he actually takes his job seriously and that he's not too infatuated with me, if that doesn't sound too conceited. I like that it's slowing things down a little. He's kept me aware of what he's up to everyday since we started texting, including what he's up to tonight.

      He's also invited me for drink in a few days. I'm keeping him on the hook for our second date though. I don't want to rush into it and I'm very busy with finals these days :/

  • I think he's doing this with multiple womjen, seeing which one will sleep with him the fastest. I haet to rain on your parade..but Ialso wonder about a guy who has this much time at his job to send racy texts. Sounds like Anthony Weiner, the New York mayoral candidate.

    I think the 'spice it up' was his ral message, the rest is just a smoke screen.

    • He's sent ONE racy text and on a day off. He passed his chartered exam last week so his manager gave him a day off. He obviously doesn't text half as much when he's at work, obviously. I'm not one to fall for a phony guy, I think you know that by now. Can't say for the multiple women thing but obviously, as long as we're not in a relationship, it's fair game to message other people IMO. I'm personally in contact with a few other guys too atm.

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    • Question asker you sound so much like me right now! I know exactly where your coming from. I hate how confusing and difficult the player guys make it for us to find a good true man

    • @ Living-the-ADvenTURe

      Yeah I know right? I'm always really cautious, that helps, but I get extremely irritated that I can't ever let myself go completely when I'm dating a guy. A serious relationship at least has the upside that you know you can trust your partner 100%!

  • It seems like this guy sounds great. BUT - and I mean BUT - keep your eyes and ears peeled at all times. He could still end up being too good to be true. Be defensive, and remember to trust yourself and only yourself. He very well could still be phony. Always remember that, too. The spicing text isn't a huge red flag there, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't mean anything. Play this guy out, and don't keep your hopes up too much. Otherwise, your emotional pain will hurt more.

    • Yeah you feel me. That's pretty much the mood I'm in right now. I'll update after some time, so we shall se how that goes!

    • What is tinder, by the way?

    • It's a phone app. You set up a profile, choose a few pics of you, you can add a small text if you'd like too. Using tinder is foolproof. A picture appears. You click ''Like'' or ''Dislike''. You can see if you have common Facebook friends or interests with the person and you can go check more pictures if you'd given (given that the person added more than one pic). If you like the person and the person likes you back, you get ''matched'' and you can chat. If not, you never find that person again

What Girls Said 1

  • Be wary after a few months the texting will dry up so be mean and keep he keen. You don't just won't to b a slam piece either take it ever so slowly. Do you think after sex he will keep talking? And does it take a few message to get you in the sack? from a stranger you met on the net? you need to think what you want for your future does he appreciate you, respect you how bout is he marriage material? Before you spread those legs.

    • Dude I just SAID I denied him. I will not sleep with him. Stop taking me for a whore please, it's pretty insulting.

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