Please Help - I Hurt my Boyfriend's Feelings.

Hi, I was hoping to get some advice as I really hurt my boyfriend's feelings and right now he's not talking to me. Last conversation we had he told me that if I was such an embarrassment to him, to go find someone else. Then he rang off and I haven't heard from him since (that was 2 days ago).

Basically I use a program on my computer called Mighty Text which hooks my phone to my SMS messages.

He was staying at my home the other evening and he was looking through my texts (I know, I don't think it was right but I'm not really in a position to be upset about that right now).

He discovered a text I had sent a friend of mine, saying that although I know it is really shallow, I wouldn't want to take my boyfriend's surname if he proposed to me as it's a really embarrassing surname. I asked for her advice on what I should do if/ when the time came and what she would do in my position, if she would say why she didn't want to take the surname or not say anything to spare his feelings?

My friend replied to me saying she would keep her own name anyway, not for the sake of a bad surname but because it's a lot easier to keep things separate, and better that way. Then she made a comment saying that yes, the surname was "pretty stinky" (if that gives you a clue).

Anyway, my boyfriend read the texts and he was mortified, humiliated, embarrassed, angry and hurt, of course as you would be.

I apologised profusely, explained to him that I never mentioned it before as it does not affect the way I love him or see him but yes, it would make me feel self conscious, but I never meant to hurt him and that's why I had a private conversation with my friend about it.

He told me that he had no idea I hated his name so much, that he was glad he read my texts as now he knows exactly what kind of person I am, and that if I'm such an embarrassment to him, I should be with someone else.

I haven't spoken to him since as I want to give him time to recover from the hurt I caused, but I'm so anxious and worried that I've ruined everything.

I never meant to hurt him, I was just trying to seek advice privately from a friend on a subject and wanted to spare his feelings by not discussing it with him in person.

Did I mess up really bad? What should I do? I feel terrible, things have always been great between us and that probably adds to the shock, but I never felt I had anything to hide, which is why I never put passwords on anything. Now I feel as though I have broken his trust (even though he was going through my texts) by having that discussion with my friend. I feel awful.

Any advice? :(


Most Helpful Guy

  • There's not much you can do really, you've apologised and you've told him why you said it. It's up to him whether or not he can forgive you for it, the ball is in his court.

    It was a pretty shitty thing to say, especially behind his back. I don't think I'd be able to forgive a girl for that.


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What Guys Said 2

  • His feelings are hurt. Send him a letter, a nice note. Think hard about the issue. He may question how much you do love him. Many of us would. Even more so if he is insecure.

  • First things first, you might have to be mentally prepared as there's a chance that you might lose him. Give him a little more time to calm down. But do drop him texts to remind him that you still care. If still no response, perhaps meet him at his place to talk about it; no guy likes being put down by his girlfriend and it's worse if it's a sensitive issue.


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