I shouldn't agree to this non-date, right?

I am getting mixed signals from him, and I would rather not play guessing games, so I'm ready to write him off… but would like to hear your opinions please!

I have been on 2 dates with him, each one was one week apart from the other. Both of the dates were really fun, and after each date, he expressed a great deal of interest (asked to see me again, talked about what we could do next time, initiated a lot of contact). We would not necessarily talk everyday, but it was a good amount since we had only just started seeing each other. On the 2nd date, he planned everything ahead, drove me home, and was the perfect gentlement.

A few days after the 2nd date, after a lot of chatting, all of it stopped, for almost a week. I never gave him the impression I wasn't interested in him. but I didn't think much of it - it is getting close to the holidays and I was also busy planning and attending to family/friends. I merely sent him a short, very generic holiday greeting today, and he engages me in full conversation, and asked me a lot of questions to prolong the convo. Eventually, he says, "if you don't have plans later today, let me know! we should go grab a drink :)"

However, there are two reasons I am not sure that I would like to take him up on this. First, I feel like we have gone from "seeing each other" to being just friends planning a meet up. He had been much more effortful for the 2nd date. Secondly, if I never sent him the greeting, I don't believe he would have suggested this at all.

Meeting up with him would probably be fun, but I don't want to, for the reasons above. What do you think?!


Most Helpful Guy

  • I would be careful, could also be that he didn't want to exaggerate and wanted to leave you alone for a few days.

    You'll know better than I, but some girls may like to get lots of attention, other may want things to go step by step. Hard to know as a guy, and do good for your loved one.

    Perhaps go with him to have the glass and see if he drives you home! You may feel happy that you did it :-)

    Hope it works out, thumbs up.

    I've sent you a friends request, feel free to accept if you like (just for a chat, we're about 5000 miles apart - I'm from Belgium).


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What Guys Said 3

  • Did you ever initiate texts/calls? We think the girl loses interest if she doesn't text us first at least once in a while. Maybe he was tired of always being the one to contact you first. So he quit doing it. Then when you finally did send him a text, he was back to his old self.

    • hm I guess this would count as one of the very few times I initiated. I ended up going out with him that night (picked a place convenient for me but far for him...), and we did have a lot of fun. would it be correct to assume now that ball is in his court in terms of who should be the next to make contact?

    • I think you can let him continue to invite you out on dates if you don't want to do the asking, which I can understand. And if you want to wait for him to text first, that's fine too because you texted first last time. Still, it means a lot to us guys to get quick messages, even a 'good morning' text that lets us know you were thinking about us!

    • thank you for your comments!

  • I say go for it and judge from there. Right now it's kinda iffy he does seem somewhat interested, but maybe something came up. You never know...But hey, if you're just not feeling it anymore, then move on.

  • So you don't wanna have fun out spite? Sounds like you're missing out here.

    • not out of spite, but I feel like it was such an afterthought on his part. as though he was asking out of convenience or boredom, do you think?

    • Applying logic to your first excuse: "we are just friends therefore I won't hang out". Applying logic to your second excuse: "I initiated the conversation so it wasn't his idea/priority, therefore I shouldn't go". Both sound stupid so just go have some fun

    • haha. blunt but duly noted. thank you

What Girls Said 1

  • If you don't want to, then don't go.

    Some people get the holiday lonelies and try to spends time with anyone they can, just to avoid being alone.

    You can simply ask him if its a date or not, but I've always been one to let the actions of there speak louder than their words.

    • thank you! I do agree, and his actions aren't saying very much