Online dating. Is this normal? Or is she playing games?

So a little over a week ago this 26 year old girl sends me a message off of a dating site. We start talking and turns out we both went to ELM and HS together but have never seen each other in our lives. When we talk, we get along great but it seems like she only calls, texts and IMs me ONLY when SHE has time. She works as a nurse Mon-Fri from 7am to anywhere between 4pm and 7pm. Other than that, she really doesn't do a whole lot. I know all of this because she willingly told me. Now Sunday night we were texting and she tells me that I'm starting to come on a little too strong. We talked about it and I agreed to easy up a little. The next day she was telling me how she's been in MA for the last few days visiting family and how's she's on a beach (Monday afternoon) "wishing I were there with her cuddling on the beach". I said to her "If I did come there, would you let me toss you in the ice cold water?" She says "yes, but only if you warm me up afterwards". And I was coming on too strong?! WTH? Also, yesterday she calls me out of no where around 12pm. We talk for a little bit and then she says she has to go because she's driving back to NY and will talk later. I text her at 6pm to make sure she got home safely. She says "yes I did, thank you" I then said "I was wondering if you are free at all this weekend because I was thinking of maybe taking you out". She doesn't reply. Midnight comes and she signs online and says nothing..puts up an away message instantly that says "sleeping". I did not say anything to her at all..I myself put up an away that says "Forget you, I'm done playing stupid games". A few minutes later she IMs me and says "I think you say things to get a response out of me." We talked it over and she says "It bothers me that you get impatient when I don't reply right away". I said "right away? it's been over 6 hours, you said nothing, yet you have THE TIME to get online and ignore me..yet read my away?. The hell with you I'm not going to play your stupid games.". A fight broke out and well...I'm done with her.

My questions are...

Am I in the wrong?

Did I handle it poorly?

Is this normal for girls to do, or was she playing games?

I just feel like when you like and or are talking to someone in the beginning the whole "I'm busy" stuff is bull. No one is that busy. And again, I look at it like she was "too busy" to text me back in 6 hours, yet she has time to get online? I know she's not committed to me, and I'm not her top priority, but I just think that it was a stupid game she was playing. What do you girls think?

SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG. LOL. I didn't wanna leave anything out. Thanks in advance.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I enjoyed the read. I'm in a similar situation and it just bugs me to no end! So your questions... Are you in the wrong? If it was the first time she did this, then yes, you're being a bit impatient. It was a long drive and to be honest, she may have been tired or she may have not known if she was free during the weekend. Though, like I said, I'm in the same situation as you. I'm starting to learn that text messages just suck for these kinds of things. It's better to call if you're going to ask something like that because the person is already on the phone and has to give you a response. I've learned that lesson, the hard way. Of course, I know that sometimes I'll get a text, reply, get a text, but then end up distracted with something else and not reply and then forget about it later. That may have happened to her. Did you handle it poorly? I think so because you're jumping to conclusions. You say she texts you only when she has time. When else would she text you? When she's busy? I bet you only text her when you have time. Your schedules are probably different too. You should've just come out and asked her what's going on. The whole away message thing was pretty childish. Is this normal for girls to do or was she playing games? I don't know if it's normal for anyone to do, but people do these things and we can't really explain why.

    I agree with you though, that I don't believe anyone is that busy. I do think there are times when we just don't feel like dealing with something or someone because we've got something else on our mind. I've done that before, where people text me or call me and I just don't respond because at that moment, I'm not in the right mood. I do that with guys especially when I know I'm cranky because I don't want to take it out on them. I've even said no to invitations to do things because of other things that were going on in my life. I've never been too busy though, but I have sometimes forgotten to respond. Either way, this girl you're talking about may not know what she wants. Simple as that.

    • You have a few points I didn't ever think of. No this is not the first time she's done this kind of thing. I've texted many people before while I was busy at work or doing whatever. It's really not that hard. The deciding factor of my decision was that she didn't respond, signed online put up an away instantly saying "sleeping", said nothing to me, yet she read my away message and responded based on that. To me that is really childish. Especially at 26. Just my opinion. =)

    • Like I said, I'm in the same situation and the guy has done this to me before. At this point, I'm giving up because whatever this game is, whether its conscious or not, is stupid and annoying. I'm a huge texter so I'm pretty good about texting people back too, even if I'm busy. I'll just text saying I'm busy right now. People don't understand that texts are a form of conversation and they should still be courteous just like in regular conversation.

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What Girls Said 1

  • The 6hr wait to get a reply is strange how you said she had time to log on but not reply to you. Nursing is a demanding job with unsociable hours. In a sense I think you did the right thing by being straight up, on the other hand you could have just slowly cut her off. It seems unfair for you that you asked to meet but she never pursued it, but at the same time she is being flirty with the comments about the beach, which is sending mixed signals. You gave her a chance to meet but she never took you up on it, but then she brags about going to the beach. To me it sounds as though she is looking for friendship at this stage nothing else, and to pin your hopes that something else may develop that's your judgement call as to whether you should maintain contact. It might be an idea to let it rest for a while, see how you feel, do you really need that person in your life?

    • That's what I'm thinking. If I text a girl I know she may not get back to me right away, but 6 hours and still nothing..then she says she's busy yet gets online before she says anything? Come on. To me that says getting on the net is more important than talking to me. Btw...I don't think she would have said a single word to me that night if I had not put up that away message.

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