How much info is too much?

In getting to know a someone, dating and just generally getting to someone if your interested in them, how much is too much info?

I'm a real firm believer in more or less throwing it all out there in what I want/am looking for from a woman. But I realize most if not close to all can't handle it or maybe its the honesty they can't handle and they want to play games, I don't know for sure. But I rather be honest than be lied to and disappointed down the road and would expect the same in return.

So how much info is too much? For example say your doing the online dating thing and you know you don't want kids and don't want to get married do you mention it in the profile or wait to meet (if it happens) to tell the woman?

How far is too far in a dating profile? Maybe you have a 3rd nipple, a tail, you have reached crazy cat person status in your neighborhood, your addicted to online gaming, your hairy, have a crazy mole that looks like the state of Florida on your back, or some other physical feature or personality quirk that may turn someone off because in this day in age everyone seems to be beyond obsessed with the physical and ones personality doesn't matter so they can't deal. Now of course some of those traits I am blowing out of the norm but you get the idea.

So how much is too much info?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You have to let the information flow in a natural and progressive way, for three reasons:

    1) Keeping a certain mistery: keeping her guessing about you and let her be the one to make the questions.

    2) Too much info means the person that will go on a date won't feel special...every other women that read your profile or have a first date with you will know as much as her. We like to feel that you like us better or trust us above others, even if it's not true at first, it's a warm sensation,

    3) Heavy info like "I don't want kids" or "i'm not religious" is something that might scare away the love of your life. This is the kind of things you say after connecting emotionally at some level. I mean it might be an exclusion factor before she knoes you, but after she knows you she might think: though I don't agree, I really like to know this guy, and I'd like to know him better before throwing hime off because of this.

    Some specific examples:

    - Say where you work and what you do but don't bore her with technical details and don't start with the problems and unfair things that happen there;

    - You can mention previous relationships (like: I had 2 serious relantionships) but don't give them names or specific details, like why that ended, if she doesn ask.

    - You can talk about your family, but not go deep into the problems in your family or that relative you don't like.

    - Don't talk about religion, political views, view on marriage or kids.

    Mostly leave out negative stuff, problems for the first few contacts or talk about them lightly, or polemic issues, and give details as you go deeper into the dating or your relationship.

    At some point, if it the right person (or one of the right persons you'll meet in your lovelife) you'll get to the point you both share eveything and it will be so much special because you don't do it with everyone :)

    At first, talk about: your hobbies, how you spend your time, stuff you like, talk positevely about your family and friends, share funny stories about a trip with your friens or something like that...and make a lot of questions. Women like to hear, but LOVE to talk :D

    Good luck ;)

    • I have a hard time realizing that there actually open minded non selfish grown women out there I have dealt with more than my share unfortunately of immature little girls, I'm kinda referring to #3. Kids and marriage are just 2 things that I don't want. I have one other thing that I have zero desire for that is probabbly way too much for most to grasp on here, its better left as an anonymous. question.

    • Don't start a relationship thinking about that. Tell the truth when the subject comes, but no one starts by sayng: hello, I'm John and I don't want to have kids. You may even change your mind, she may even have the same opinion as you, but you have a lot more to know about her and to teach her about you that is beyond that subject. Get to know and like (or not) each other, before sharing plans for the future...and kids is definetely a topic for the future :p

    • I also have to say I never wanted to marry. I still think it's a waste of time and money, and it means nothing when you already love the other person to the fullest (no paper will change that or improve your relationship). But I met my guy. His dream is to be married (amongst others). And I love him so much that I don't mind doing that for him.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • the stuff in paragraph 3 -> deal breakers -> share ASAP as in profile or date, if not someone is being mislead/having their time wasted

    the stuff in paragraph 4 -> not deal breakers, just semi-relevant factors (that if there's thirty of them, might be deal breakers, but in small numbers might not) - > reveal when appropriate, when relevant. Your cats don't really matter unless you are inviting her over, need to take one to the vet, had one do something particularly funny the other night, etc. You get it? When it is natural and comfortable, but try to find a way of "warning" or dropping a hint so that the other person isn't accosted with an unpleasant surprise. Ex. showing up at your place and having an allergic reaction/fit. Similarly you might want to mention that you love online gaming or that it is a hobby (in a profile) before you invite her to stay the weekend and expect her to sit and watch you play. Try to find something funny about the trait, a reason for liking the cats, or an explanation as to what it is you enjoy about the hobby. It will soften the surprise, provide a way to relate or move the conversation along.

  • I'm not sure I think everyone has their own preference in what they like or find attractive in another person. And that being said every person is unique in their own way...

    With respect to what your preferences are in life... There should be zero offence to let others know where you are in your life and what you want and that includes having the ability to change your mind ...

    It is after all your life...

    Hope this helps.

  • That depends on the chemistry. I personally believe in TMI. For example how many people he has had sex with or dd personal habits. ( at least not on the first few dates).

  • I think only the minimal amount of information is necessary for a beginning. Then as your relationship moves forward slowly release information you think proper.


What Guys Said 1

  • on online dating fact details don't matter, what matters is that you give a general vibe of something they can relate with, if you sound too outside their reality they won't connect, you need to sound like a normal guy which most likely you are, just talk about the things you like to do and have passion about, have a picture where you have a nice smile and appear confident. If she likes your stuff she will be down to meet, if she hates everything you like well then you are better off without her.