My boyfriend of 27 months clicks on dating profiles through his email. Is this normal?

I am 49 and he is 53. Everything in our relationship is great.We get along, we don;t fight and in the bedroom there are no problems that I know of. We have both been married before and divorced. We both have our own house and we don't live together. I told him that I will not move in without a ring. My problem is that he asked me to help him with something on the computer and what I found was craigs list casual encounters in his browser. I asked him why it was there and he said that he didn;t know why to just delete it. In the beginning of our relationship I found out what his password was and didn;t tell him. I have been checking on him ever since. I know it is wrong but I have to be sure. In the beginning, my ex boyfriend hacked into his email and sent me all his emails. My boyfriend since has changed his password and I found it. When my ex boyfriend hacked into his email he was emailing women on plenty of fish and craigs list. He said the reason he did this was that he thought that I was gonna go back to my ex. and that nothing happened and he will not do it again.That is when he said he loved me when I found this information At that time we were going out 7 months. Well now after finding out his password he clicks onto dating websites and just browses still after all the talk. He actually responded to one girl by saying hey. I saw the emails and I know what she wanted and he knew what she wanted. I can't confront him cause he will shut down totally. So I gave him a marriage ultimatus when I was drunk last year of 3 years. I dont; know what to do? Its eating me alive,not sleeping at night and so on. My boyfriend is gonna know something is wrong and I can't tell him. What should I do. I want to marry him and I know that he wants to marry me. Is this normal?Now I don;t know if he truly loves me or not. He told me tht he would like to get married but he has to wait until the end of the summer to see how his financial situation is.So, I'm thing of staying until the end of the summer and ifnothing then just leave. I'm so confused.

He leaned forward and looked straight ahead without looking at me when he said "Oh, I'll see how my finances are at the end of the summer. Do you think he was lying? Also, last year down the shore he told me that he was gonna propose by the end of next summer but looked towards his left and didn't look at me. Do you think he was lying also?
thanks but if this doesn't work then I don't think I'll be dating again for a long time
Over the weekend he seemed really edgy about something. I asked him is anything wrong and he said that nothing is wrong
Update: When we were going out about a year I found his password and saw his emails. I know it is wrong but here he sent a message to some guy saying that he was gonna come over for a BJ. I couldn't believe it and when I confronted him I told him that my ex boyfriend hacked into his email. He denied anything ever happened and he even denied that he sent the emails. I think he was looking for someone to take him to the casino who was an RN. And then the guy responded that he changed his mind.
At that time they were starting to take student loans out of my check so I didn't have as much money and maybe he felt a little insecure. And then about 6 months ago, I thought that I was gonna lose my job at work over something that they thought I did wrong. Here he went onto google groups and contacted women. I did not confront him about it. And then Thanksgiving night 2013 some girl emailed him and I know what she wanted cause I was checking his emails. She was a contact I guess before me.
She has been emailing him for months and he never responded. And finally Thanksgiving night 2013 he responded by saying hey. To me this was his intent to cheat on me. But it could be harmless just as long as he doesn't follow through on the contacts. But I didn't confront I'm about it. I don't know shy I'm hanging on to this guy.
Hi there;

Just an update. No ring for Valentine's day. I checked his email and that JJ lady sent him a message. She said Quickie and it looks like he read it. But I don't see anything else in the email. To me it seems like by clicking onto that email, that he is still not sure about us. What do you think? Do you still think that he is stringing me along? So I guess I'll wait it out until the end of the summer. Any feedback would be great.



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What Guys Said 2

  • nothing is normal about this.

    - him being on dating sites is a sign that he's not 100% commited or doesn't feel that you are

    - you having people hack into his email is a sign that you really aren't trusting him

    my feeling is that this relationship just isn't very healthy. you both are doing things because you are afraid of being hurt or simply don't trust each other

    • @update... I think you are being strung along. his behavior hasn't changed so why keep going through all this with him

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    • that I can chat with women all I want and my girlfriend is cool with it. I can essentially have my cake and eat it too. I don't have to make any extra commitments or treat her the way a girlfriend of so long should be treated because she seems cool with whatever I do

    • Okay. Thanks for all your help. I am just gonna distance myself first and then eventually leave.

  • Is it normal? I don't know. It could be that he's unsure of the decision you're asking him to make. Better safe than sorry maybe. Not that it helps you right now. What do you know about his financial situation now versus the end of the summer. Is it really a reason to postpone getting married, or it an excuse? Is he having to work more hours between now and then because of that, or is it just a money savings thing? Waiting sucks, that's why I'm asking.

    • I asked him that question. What is the differnce between now and the end of the summer and he said that he will have his vacation check by then. He told me last year that by the end of July of 2014, I will have a ring and now he is saying the end of the summer, after vacation with his vacation check. I never bring up marriage, he is the one who brings it up practically every time I'm there.So when he brings it up, I have to respond; right?

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    • So what your saying is that he may never commit?

    • No, I'm not saying that. He may commit, at the end of summer, just like he was saying.

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