What is my next step with her?

I met her online. I just turned 24 and she is 25. We had our first date after weeks of just missing opportunities to meet up, but we finally did. This day we had -we spent relatively the entire evening together. We instantly clicked. So much so, we loved cuddling so we did that for a long time at my house. I haven't dated in about 9 months. So this was nice, with all the bs I've gone through, (breakups, losing friends, etc.) -and these things overwhelming my mind, I actually got to be... calm.

That's how comfortable she made me- I didn't need anything else from her that night, but we ended up having sex anyway. It was perfect. Since then, we've been talking and willing to see each other but things keep coming up (I'm the one without a car and she's a little out of my reach). -And even so, I've wanted to get that safe, secure, calmness I had with her back with me.

The problem is... well obviously the distance- but more so that I feel like I need her more than she needs me. She's even told me so. "I like you, and I'm not "looking" for anything but I am not opposed to it." This was after I explained to her I'm in a difficult place (I really don't want to do wrong by this one and have her run from me) and that I can't tell if I would be going too slow or too fast if I acted accordingly of those feelings. So I'm stuck and it makes me uncomfortable. Her response.. "sorry".

So of course I don't want to just come out and say these dramatic words because I don't want to empower her to run from me, at the same time I don't want to hide what I feel because it's eating me up inside and I would seem uninterested or uninteresting.

I'm stuck, I don't know where to go. We still have yet to meet again and here I am feeling terrible. I feel like the more I attempt to meet her, I'd be pushing her away. Inversely, if I did any less I wouldn't be putting forth any effort. So where do I go?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you're focusing on the wrong things. You haven't dated for most of a year and yet it makes you miserable if you can't see her frequently? You should be thrilled that you met a girl like her in the first place and happy with whatever time and pace she is comfortable with. You really can't afford to focus on what she doesn't give you. If you can only see her occasionally, that's still worlds better than what you had before and what so many other people have.

    If you don't scare her away, let her set the pace. You can tell her how you feel but you still need to let her have this. The pace of a relationship should be determined by who needs it slowest, not who wants it most. She seems to be a lot more level headed about all this so it probably is best that she sets the tone.Don't ascribe motives and implications to her actions or lack of actions. Take everything at face value. If she is pleased to hear from you but can't get together that night, this is a minor disappointment not evidence that the connection is faltering. She is going to feel taken for granted if you are always dissatisfied with not getting more than you get now.


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