Avoid Dating/Relationships for the Time Being?

Right now, I've been doing some serious thinking about my life. I've made some goals and pretty determined to make things happen.

Dating or being in a relationship has something I've been wanting for a while now after pretty much avoiding it for the past few years due to other priorities.

I am currently looking, mostly through online dating (no luck so far) but I have been thinking for a while now about moving out of state within the next couple of years. I'm pretty sure about this and already making plans to make it happen.

So I've been wondering if I should not look for love until I move or something happens (sudden career opportunity for example)? Should I just let things happen? Maybe even start looking for a potential relationship in the area I'm interested in moving to through online dating?

Thoughts? Advice?

All of you have give solid advice. Thank you. Really have made me think about things. The whole 'not looking for love' the most.

I've also thought about ditching online dating since I've had absolutely no luck. Really, it makes sense to rid of it.

Thanks again. :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • Seems like even if you "stopped looking for love", it would still be part of some kind of plan you made. So either way, it seems like you're trying to control something that can't be controlled.

    I've never understood the phrase "looking for love", as if they were interviewing for a job or something like that. You absolutely cannot predict or plan who you will meet, how you'll hit it off with them (if even at all), and so many other factors that are involved in relationships that people think they can somehow plot out and look for.

    Whether you're looking for love or not, I would advise nothing but just chilling out and taking life as it comes. People work themselves up so much about finding a partner, whether because of fear of being lonely or like it's just some kind of step they need to do.

    I'll give you a personal example: My best friend puts a lot of effort into hiding something within: his insecurity and lack of self-confidence. He's been "faking it til he makes it" for years now, but so far he hasn't made it. And I'm baffled how he hasn't come to the conclusion that you can't fake it, you need to experience it for real and develop yourself into that sort of thing. But with him, he basically meets girls from the standpoint of them either being future girlfriends, or nothing at all. The concept of a girl friend doesn't exist to him at all, there is only girlfriend or nothing. He works himself up into stress and frustration when these preconceived motives don't pan out like he wants them to.

    I use him as a more extreme case to show how trying to plan out these things seems normal because a lot of people try to do it, but it seems as if nobody stops to REALLY look at it and see that you simply can't.

    From the sound of your situation, it seems you're wanting a relationship, but you're also trying to plan between finding one and telling yourself to ignore it (which you realistically probably wouldn't do, since you want one to begin with). But what I'm answering with is this: Don't plan it either way. You can't find one that fits you great by simply focusing your attention more on it, because that is just unrealistic and could lead you to try and make something into what it isn't or can't be. And you shouldn't bother with your "status", for lack of a better word, to be "not on the market/not looking"...because that would still be trying to control things unrealistically.

    Just chill out, live your life day to day, and take your experiences as they come. If you find someone along the way, great- it will have been effortless and because of you living your life anyway. And if you don't find someone, great- you will not have wasted time and energy trying to control the uncontrollable.

    • Sadly, your friend sounds a bit like me. Almost every time I meet a new girl, I always wonder if there could possibly be something between us. Thankfully, that's not always the case whereas a few years ago, it was always that way, even when they had boyfriends.

      But thank you for the advice. You've really made me rethink things and put some things into perspective.

    • Well that's good, I'm glad. My buddy has been like this ever since he started coming out of his shell a bit back in high school (we graduated in '08). But rather than keep on with the progress of breaking the shell, he did what most people seem to do: stop as soon as they start feeling even a little bit different and "better" overall.

      I'd encourage you to really set up challenges for you to overcome, so that you become a really solid, charming person to be around. Trust me, it feels great! :D

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • I'm in a similar position, I'm moving in six months and so not dating now. I'd just see what happens, if you accidentally run into someone who's fabulous go with it but otherwise it's totally OK not to go looking, living in the same state is usually important lol!

  • Well if I were you I would just wait till you're moved since if you find someone suddenly at the place you live it would be a hard time to move :). And looking at girls on the location where you going to move through online dating isn't such a bad idea :)

    Now you made me curious though, where you moving to?

    • I'll just be moving a few states away.. about 12ish hours.

  • Online dating sucks balls for guys anyway. So that doesn't say anything about you.

    I'd say if you can and want to, move to a new city, meet new people, and just let things flow.

    And by the way, I've recently got a Netflix voucher from a generous and kind GAGer. But because Netflix is not available in my area (yet), I can't use it. Since I found out, I've decided to regift it to someone else (I hope the kind gifter doesn't mind) And I suddenly thought of you. I admire your strength, your perseverance and your persistence despite everything life has thrown at you. I definitely can't deal with the things you've dealt with and still have such outlook on life.

    Anyway, here's your code for the 2 months subscription, hope you have a better use from it than I can. If the gifter happen to read this, thank you again for your gift, and I really hope you don't mind me regifting it =) For other GAGers, please don't use this code. 3YFPQ5JL9LRM

    • Wow, thank you! That really does mean a lot! Perfect timing too as I was about to cancel my subscription with Netflix so I could save some money for school. And thanks to the original donor. I wish I knew who you guys were so if I could return the favor somehow, I would. Thanks again! :)

    • you're very welcome, I'm glad that you could use it. I feel bad for the original gifter because I couldn't use it and I don't want his gift to go to waste. He was also anonymous when he gave me the subscription, and no need to return any favors, I just hope there's no problem in redeeming it =) Hope you have your fun with it =)

  • it's your decision. do what feels right for you at this time in your life


What Guys Said 2

  • No harm in looking but make sure you mention on your profile of any dating site that you will relocate when and if you have career opportunities etc.

    What do you do if you have relocated to another state / city for a career, found your love and then you get moved out of that city / state again for promoting your career? ;)

    • You lost me on your last sentence there dude haha. Is that rhetorical or a hypothetical question?

    • 1. you want to ditch online dating cause you have had no luck

      NEVER give up on anything unless you deem that the result of hard work is not worth the result. You never know how life turns out. You probably need to do something about what and how you write on those sites. Get some help if required on that :)

      2. you asked for advice regarding 'if you should date now or not' since you may relocate

      I'm asking you what happens when you relocate, find a woman and THEN you got to relocate AGAIN? :)

  • If I were you I would just let things happen. Actively looking for relationships has had no success for me so far. This is why you should just let love come to you rather than the other way around.

    I've recently been trying online dating out - without success - but I think most of your chances of finding that special someone will lie in the real, non-virtual, world.

    Put yourself out there, wear something new, something visually appealing, join a society, a gym, a workshop, go out to some bars with some friends and just bond with anyone you meet.

    What I'm trying to say is relationships are hard to come by, but easily dismantled, worry about your own life now and let girls come to you.

    Best of luck.

    • Thanks. Yeah, no luck with online dating here. I keep trying to convince myself to ditch it but just don't want to yet for some reason. I just started school again (after not going for 4 years) so there's definitely opportunities to meet new people there. Sadly, I don't have any friends (*sob* :p) and don't do bars. The gym is something I'm strongly considering on joining as a way to kill my free time when I don't have school or homework.