Not allowed to call it a 'date', what can I do/what does she expect?

I'm 'going out' with this girl for a while now. Once I tried to call it a 'date', but I was rebuffed when she said I'm not quite there yet. But we continue to 'go out' together.

She agreed to be my Valentine's next week, but what am I supposed to do, or rather, what does she expect from me? She still won't let me call it a Valentine's 'date', but rather, 'going out' to celebrate Valentine's.

Thank you everyone for your advice. I gave up trying because this is not what I wanted at all.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've had girls try to tell me that we weren't going on "dates", that we were just meeting each other as friends, I told them that wasn't what I was looking for. I told them I was looking to date, and if they didn't like it they can just meet someone else. My current girlfriend even tried to pull that on me.

    You have to put your foot down and tell it how it is, stop pussy-footing around. Tell her it's either a date, or you don't see each other anymore. Doing this fake friend bullshit is only going to lead to frustration, and the fact that you don't have the balls to tell her so means that she isn't going to be attracted to you.

    Girls like men with balls. Grow a pair.

    As harsh at that sounds, you'll thank me for it later...

    • Attraction can be created from being assertive? I don't get it. :/ I mean, but if I were a girl, I'll probably just say, "you know what I don't care. I'll just leave." I mean, this is just my perspective imagining myself in a girl's position haha.

    • Yes, girls are more attracted to assertive men than guys who are afraid to say what they think out of fear that she might not like it. Yes she might reject you, but in that case you never had a chance in the first place and you'd be wasting your time. If she likes you she'll go with it. Like I said my current girlfriend tried that as did my ex - obviously what I said worked. Don't try to imagine from a man's point of view, women work differently.

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What Girls Said 1

  • she wants to be just friends which is cool. she might come around some day but the thing is, you can't make her. I would suggest investing your time and feelings into someone who actually does want to date while just treating this girl as a platonic friend.

    Dont spend money on her becasue she doesn't want you to. She also doesn't want to lead you on by having you do thoes sort of things for her. just friends is just friends.

    i would suggest that you ask someone else to hangout with on Valentine's day if you actually want it to be a date. and if this girl says to you "what happend to us?" you tell her that you wanted to go on a date and are looking for something a little more than just friends and then you stick with the new girl.

    also you should meet many girls untill you find the one who is looking for the same things that you are looking for.

    • Thanks for your advice. I think she is an emotional blackhole too, I feel really drained having to keep thinking and doubting and wondering what I could do.

      I don't really have anyone else to ask out, but I'll just enjoy life.

What Guys Said 3

  • Tell her you'd rather meet up with her another day so you can have a date open for Valentine's day. Keep yourself open to other people.

  • Step up and be assertive, tell her it's a date and if she doesn't agree tell her "fine then you're not worth my time".

    If she's not into you you're not gonna change her mind getting pushed around like that.

    • She didn't agree, but neither did I. I guess it ended haha. Not that there was anything to begin with.

  • Are you paying for these 'dates'?

    • Nope I've tried treating her many times but she insists on paying her own share.

    • That's good, at least. I would just keep doing what you're doing...nothing too serious, I wouldn't buy a bunch of v-day gifts.