Paying for a date?

This is not a 'should men pay the bill on a first/whatever date' question.

I have extensive experience of what is essentially paying a woman for a successful date, ie paying her to meet for drinks then spend the night with me - this question is also not directly about this.

What I've realized is that while I enjoy what I said above I'm now beginning to use it more to alleviate loneliness than to gain pleasure. I'm essentially paying more for the date/company than the sex, which is obviously not a great idea when that company is 100% certain to leave in the morning and only see you again if you'll pay again. It also gets very expensive. So I've devised a new idea...

I'll pay a guy (or girl) to get me dates using online dating.

I think I'm hopeless at getting dates because I'm physically unattractive, a lot of people (in real life, on here and other parts of the internet) then tell me its because I don't have 'game'. I'm not convinced that 'game' exists at all, I think flirting is a consequence of mutual appreciation of each others appearance, not some magic lines used by the guy. However if I'm right, I'll either lose nothing (since I'd only offer to pay per date), or end up meeting girls who are into me because of my looks, without having to deal with the trauma that comes with getting loads of rejections and flakes along the way.

I'l add that I've actually always been pretty successful on dates, all bar 2 of the girls I've dated I've seen again and more than 50% of them have ended up in my bed. Essentially it is possible that I'm not a terrible human being, but actually just make poor first impressions, especially when only given 30 seconds - 5 minutes before I'm cut off. Getting dates has always been the part of I have found difficult.

I'll also add that there would be certain limitations in what they can change (no saying I'm a millionaire, or a doctor, or dying of cancer and just want to go on one date before I die). They would actually have to pretend to be me. Obviously I'll also need to see the chat logs before meeting anyone lol.

Can anyone see any problems with this plan?

Does anyone know a good place to find guys with 'game' who are also broke?

Anybody got anything else to add?


Most Helpful Guy

  • TBH, if you're pretty good once on a date, you must have a fair bit of 'game'. Your problem seems like just initial shyness.

    If your goal is to use online dating more, my gut is you need to do a couple of things:

    - Get a great profile. I don't know that you need to pay someone for this, but definitely get input from female friends etc, and tell them you need them to be honest, not just say 'oh its great'.

    - Consider what sites to use. I've known people to have more success with paid sites, but it depends on he girls you're going after.

    - Message lots of women. The guy I know with the most online dating success would ask women for a date in message -1-. His view was that many if not most online profiles were flakes looking for attention, and there was no point wasting time with them. Girls actually looking to meet guys -like- the fact you're interested in meeting. I think his message would basically say 'I saw your profile, you looked interesting, liked X. Would like to meet for coffee or a drink and get to know you a little more/see how we get along/etc'.

    - Most messages will be dead ends. That's how it is. This guy was setting up like 5-10 first dates a -week- ... but probably only one in 10 women he contacted would lead to a date. That's on a paid site, which probably has even fewer women just looking to flirt for attention.

    - I don't think you need to pay someone to send the first message. Its not that complicated.

    - Any woman who responds is probably beyond the point where you're getting stuck currently.

    - Remember its not your job to impress them. Its to decide if you are interested in them. They will worry about whether they like you. If not, sooner you know the better so you can move along.

    - Profit

    • I have previously used online dating and couldn't get a single date. I messaged ~250 women which was ~80% of recently active female userbase for my town. This was on the most popular free site (plenty of fish), I'm not entirely sure but I doubt I'd find any girls at all near me on a pay site, particularly as I'd be looking in around the 18-23 range.

      Curiously I wouldn't ask my female friends (well singular friend these days lol) opinion on anything to do with dating anymore...

    • .. I tend to find they have poor understanding of how to help. And in some cases actively try to prevent me getting anywhere.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Bad idea in my opinion because people should like YOU for YOU so if someone else is acting like that person is you then it is stupid. Just be youuuu and stop paying other people to do that for you haha

    • If being me worked I would do that.

    • Ahhh don't say this. Of course there are people who will like you for you. Be more confident about it.

  • I read this twice just to see if I missed some thing but WTF you talkin about

    • Paying someone to pretend to be me online, to get me dates, which I will actually attend. I'm too incompetent/lazy/scared (take your pick) to do it myself. I did ramble on a bit but I've been drinking so you'll just have to deal with it, its only going to get worse from here.

    • Show All
    • Doubtful but possible. I don't think I'd realize if it was the other way around, if I even noticed I'd just assume they acted a little different online, which is hardly unheard of.

    • Well good luck.

What Guys Said 1

  • I see a few problems with this.

    The big one I see is. You're LYING to the woman before you even meet her.

    Anyway - So you hire "Joe" to be you on a dating site

    1. The photo - You've said you're unattractive and because of that women won't date you. So I don't see you putting your pic on the profile. If you did, that would be a waste of money you paid "Joe". Right?

    Now you can use a random photo from a Google search or a photo of "Joe"

    2. You decide to use one of these options.

    Joe chats with a girl and makes a date for you and her

    At the deranged date and time you go to the location. She's looking for "Joe". But you're there. How will you get and keep her attention for a date? You're not "Joe". Not really a good first impression in my mind. But according to your plan you don't usually make a good one anyway.

    3. So I'll guess you'll have to go with a pictureless profile. Without a pic. finding a woman who would contact or reply to Joe are greatly reduced. Not too many women would go on a date from a dating site w/o a photo.

    But maybe Joe is incredibly smooth. And with lots of time and effort convinces her to go out.

    4. So, now you meet her. Problem. You're not Joe. Joe is smooth, he has charisma, confidence, a slick way of using words. Knows what

    he wants. And that's her.

    5. Even though you are talking, not writing when you meet. Are you going to be able to pull off the roll of Kelly playing Joe playing Kelly?

    Can you talk like Joe writes? The way people write mimics the way they talk. You will have to pretty much nail it. If you can't/don't pull it off, she WILL notice. and if she has half a brain she'll leave.

    6. You're creating HUGE lies before and on the first date.

    Maybe you've worked all this out, just didn't write it. If not, well I hope this helps. and you will be able to tweak some points.

    Maybe I'm missing something here. But from what I can see this plan has a lot of flaws. and in my opinion the chances of it blowing up in your face, are greater than it working.


    • Obviously the profile would use pictures of me.

    • Ahhh...OK. That makes sense.

      Actually it doesn't. But...whatever.

      I believe this is a really deceitful thing anyway. If you should go through with it and are successful, you should write an article on it here. I'm sure a lot of others would like to give it a try.