Newly single at 29, how do I avoid dating apps?

I ended a 10 year relationship last year and I don't use any social media whatsoever, not even with friends or family. I guess I maxed out on message boards in 2003 when I met my ex online and all our friends got more and more involved with their online lives while we pulled away and moved to the beach to nest alone.

I never got married or had kids, I am still very confident in my appearance but partied well with a boyfriend and really don't have experience dating or flirting with people on the dance floor or at bars.. I was always giving guys the "sorry but taken" smile that it is all I know how to do!

Anyway I need advice on how to encourage a guy to ask me out in person. I am not too shy but I don't know if sitting in bars and clubs downtown and smiling like a fool at the men in my midst is even done these days! Is it weird to be out and about on my own?

Another question, my best girl friend is also single, we are both cute and similar ages, is it a good or bad idea to travel with a buddy to concerts/shows or do men find it harder to approach women with friends in tow?


Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. Sitting at bars and smiling at guys is perfect. They will come like moths to the flame.

    2. You may think it's weird to be alone but a man won't care. He sees that you are probably more approachable because you're alone. Just try and be sociable. Smile around, make small observations... Don't be starting down at your damn phone.

    3. They'll ask you out on their own unless they decide not to for whatever reason. There's nothing you can do about it.

    4. Traveling with another single gal is great. It DOES affect you negatively though. If there's a single guy by himself at the bar he may find it harder to try and entertain both of you as a way to get to know one of you. The idea is that a guy has to have the approval of the friend and that we obviously can't be rude and make her feel like a third wheel, feel me? If that happens then we lose your interest because you feel sorry for your friend and proceed to ignore us.

    The positive effect is that groups of guys can approach you so both of you will be talking to somebody. I'm a bar-loner though so I wish there were more women that would come by themselves. But I get it... Not crying about it.

    You hit on a big point. Friends in tow? You are very conscientious of that, which is good. When there is a gang of female friends they tend to huddle together and exclude an social interactions with anybody else at the bar. I've seen this happen on multiple occasions. What message do you send to guys- unapproachable! I mean, it's pretty obvious body language if you ask me... a circle of women with their backs turned to the outside and all intensely absorbed in their own conversation... but oddly dressed to kill. Who are they dressing for? Hope this helped


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • This situation eerily reminds me of myself. I'm so not a bar person though.


What Girls Said 1

  • Get your best friend and get lots of nights out and trips planned! You'll find that when you're both out having fun & clearly enjoying yourself that men will flock around you both!

    I'm in the UK so not sure if the states has a different attitude to dating nowadays but here with so many people online dating I found that men just don't make such an effort on nights out now compared to even a couple of years ago, not sure if it's because they can view hundreds of profiles at a click of a button & see who they're attracted to/have similar interests with straight away. Good luck & enjoy all that free time!

    • haha well I suppose I expected that the dating scene would have been affected by all the new tech.. I was shaken up after hearing my own mother had dated online after her divorce.. Utter shock! Thanks for the encouragement, I'll plan a few outfits for some fun outings.