Am I too shallow? should I give him a chance ?

so I met this guy online, he sending me messages and I replied immediately without seeing his profile, the conversation flowing good, he seems like a nice and friendly person, so when he asked for my messanger id, I gave him.

and then after we talk, I visit his profile and I found his picture doesn't look as I expected, beside he is quiet old (36, while I'm 22).

i tried to deny that look is not all that matters because he has great personality, but the further he know me, the eager he is to meet me in person, meanwhile the more I see his picture the less I'm interested, and started to feel scared and tend to distancing myself from him. but I feel bad doing that and make me feel shallow.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Looks matter. They don't have to be the most important thing, but we'd be fools to say they don't matter at all.

    No matter the guys personality, and no matter how confident he is in his looks or personality, he HAS to know by age 36 that some people are just not going to find him attractive.

    You might as well tell him that you're one of them. The longer you don't say anything, the more likely he is to think that you're one of those girls who DOES find him attractive. And it's going to hurt more when you tell him the truth.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • shallow no. physical appearance and attraction is necessary in any good relationship. you tried but he simply isn't the type for you.

  • It doesn't make you shallow to have no natural attraction for him. The use of the term shallow is conjured by the offended party when they wish to lash out at the offender; it makes them feel better about themselves when they can insult others instead of looking at why they were rejected in the first place. I guess the opposite of shallow is easy, since you'll take anyone.

  • No you're not shallow, in fact you're quite the opposite. You should not give him a chance, because it will just end and it will only hurt me more, don't lead him on.

    Looks aren't everything, but attraction and physical chemistry is important.

    • him* I'm not the guy you're talking to, I swear it! :O

    • lol. I believe you are not him. thanks. and yes, that is what I've been considering about. I don't want to string him along by saying nice things if in the end I'm just gonna broke his heart. but I don't have a heart either to tell him to stop messanging me or should I just disappear ?

    • Well, just disappearing he will get the message, but it will still hurt him. You could just tell him you're seeing someone if you don't have the heart to ease his pain.

      Or you're interested in someone else. Don't make it about him, make it seem like it's you.

  • No you don't sound shallow. Plus he may be quit a bit older then you and physical attraction is important. Yes ones personality can make them seem more attractive but you have to find something about them physically attractive in the first place right? Just tell him stright up you are just looking for friends nothing more. I think he'll get the hint.

  • You're not shallow. Distance yourself before it goes any further. He won't settle for being friends only, and will be hurt when you say no.


What Girls Said 1

  • it has happened to me before, and I left the looks behind me to only focus on who he really is and later on we end up being best friends, I mean what's so bad about meeting him? it doesn't mean you are going to have to marry him, is just meeting, and if for some reason he ask you out in a relation ship just politely say that you are sorry but there are other things you want to focus on, or a little excuse. you say he has a great personality then why no keep him as your friend?

    • yeah that is what I try to keep in mind, we can be a platonic friend, but by the messages he sends me indicate that he is obviously expect something more than that, I just can't stand the idea of being with him more than friend, I know this my be sounds overwhelmed, but I don't want to string him along by saying nice things to him and keep his hope up.

    • dont worry I completely understand you.

      try to let him know that you don't want a relationship

      for example: (you) uff I have so many things I have to focus right now that I don't think me being in a realtionship would work.

      or just plan another excuse that is not direct, I understand that you don't want to make him feel bad.