Transitioning to additional communication. Email Issues.

I met someone online and we have dated a couple times. We've stuck to email throughout but it has been choppy. We get along great in person and she initiates emails as well but her participation in the emails is sometimes in she sometimes doesn't respond or takes days to respond - particularly prior to a date, she won't send ANY emails.

So, I get the impression she is uncomfortable with them and I am considering alternative means of communication. Do you guys think I should lay off the emails and rely more on in person meetings...our emails are brief as it is...and usually 1 per day.

I would call but I hate the phone and she has never hinted at wanting to use the phone...though we have used the webcam several times. I don't know...I just hate taking steps back in communication when we are already meeting in person.

We do live over an hour apart from each other though...

I guess I should specify the reason we have trouble on the phone...We don't talk about the usual stuff...we don't talk day to day stuff much and we don't talk about the past much. We talk moment to moment usually...about the things we are doing together.


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What Girls Said 2

  • I think person to person conversations are best, the phone is second, email and snail mail are third. I personally communicate mostly via email and snail mail exchanges (yes, I am one of those people who still do the whole handwritten letters thing). Anyway, not everyone is an email person; I tend to write long, conversational emails but this has only worked with like-minded people. Other people don't like to take the time to write long replies because in a way, it is draining and requires a lot of thought so maybe she is too busy to write long replies. Or maybe she doesn't want to kill all the buzz by expressing everything in emails. You also mentioned that it may take days for her to reply. I think this is normal; if your emails are long, you can't expect the other person to reply the same day or even the next day. When I get a long email or letter from a friend, sometimes it'll take me a week to write a reply because I like to think about what was said and how best to express my thoughts. I think you guys are fine for now; you don't want to kill things by overdoing it.

    And as a concluding note...I would really recommend phone exchanges. That's just the easiest way to communicate with someone when not talking to them directly and it's kind of crucial when dating, I think.

    • Thank you...I don't write long emails to her...we just do a paragraph at most. I tend to mirror the amount of response I get in text + just a little I encourage expanding conversation without stretching it out usually.

      For some reason I have trouble talking with her on the phone. She doesn't like talking about the past or day to day things. We click in person but that is because we are doing something that spurs conversation. We talk moment to moment I guess...

    • It sounds like you are just getting comfortable with each other. It takes awhile before two people can sit through silence with ease and once you reach that, I think you can start talking about more in-depth topics. Right now, you're just at the "getting to know each other" stage and communication can be a bit awkward but I think you two are progressing naturally.

    • Thank you...yeah I am comfortable talking about anything. I'm used to talking about anything and everything...but we talk about nothing...just go with the is a nice change of pace :)

  • just call her. She might be playing hard to get, or could be seeing other people. Either way, it is all still fair game since it is early in your relationship. Just don't get caught up in games, because they are hard to sustain and she will eventually learn who you are. If she likes you, she will be open to a phone call.

    • Well I know she is not seeing other people. The problem with the phone is that I don't like it and I am not comfortable with it and I get the impression she is the least at this point in time. We click very well in person, but other means of communication just seem so dry :(

      When ya think of local relationships, most of meetings are in person. I guess I am worried that anything else is going to ruin it...though, at the same time, lack of communication could ruin it too.

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