Pros vs Cons of getting to know someone slowly as friends, as apposed to dating or being in a relationship within a months (or two or three) time?

I dont lik rushing into things, and i am not desperate for a relationship.

I dont see the point in putting on a title into something when you barely know a
person. Even saying 'dating' is more of a title and expectation, than i want to have the pressure of.

I like the calm patient low stress environment of getting to know a person as friends over time before getting involved... However i'm wondering if there are negative aspects of getting to know someone very slowly, when you both like each other enough to be in a relationship. but don't know each other well enough to do so.

any thoughts welcome.,

thank you:)


Most Helpful Guy

  • Until you actually start dating, you're only learning about 40% of them, and until you're in a monogamous relationship, you still are only touching on small parts of compatibility.

    So you're investing huge amounts of time in what is probably going nowhere.

    If it works out, it can all be very nice, but its just far too slow an approach to actually try dating enough people to find a good compatible match.

    I think you're imagining dating is a more serious thing then it actually is.

    I think you're also imagining you aren't 'involved' when emotionally you are just as involved in this process as in any other - perhaps more so, since you're going to be dwelling on imagining things with this one person a lot.

    • hmm. I did not consider the time aspect. This is a good point. I suppose i'm looking at it as if I already know i want to be with, then going slow. However it doesn't allow much space for me being 'wrong'. Which is always possible :)

      How much time do you require to know you want to be in a relationship with someone where the intrat is mutual?

      Or how long do you think is a reasonable time?
      (im asking two different questions, in case what you do is not the sam as what you would suggest)

    • Show All
    • Puts things in a better perspective *

      .. In a way that makes that person happy*

    • They may not think of it as having goals, but really at an unspoken level they may want different things. Often people aren't really sure what they want, but that doesn't magically mean everyone wants the same.

      I think most people, when in love or caring, do things they imagine make the other person happy. Generally they do, but they may not actually be what matters most. Sometimes its hard to understand the things that DO matter even if you know them...

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • I think the only negative of that is that not everyone is as patient as you. A lot of people would rather just have the title and then be able to move from there and if they don't feel like they are getting anywhere fast then they might get bored and move on. In my opinion if you have gone on more than 5 consecutive dates and you are exclusive to each other then you are already basically dating.

    • What you're saying is valid, however, I would see that as being a mark of incompatibility. not really a con, bc its not a person i want to be with.

  • I refuse to do the whole friends first thing. Every time I tried that we never made any progress. I don't need sex right away, but hand holding, snuggling things like that are needed in order to be seen as boyfriend material, instead of just a friend. There needs to be some physical chemistry going on.


What Girls Said 2

  • The cons of getting to know someone slowly first as friends, then progressing to more if you guys click and there's chemistry is that not every guy will have the patience to 'wait around'. Then again, if he doesn't have the patience then right from the start you know he's not worth it anyhow. He could meet another girl who he also clicks with during the same time frame who is willing to move a little faster though, so you've got to time it right.

    The pros by far outweigh the cons. It's great to know that you're in a relationship with someone for who they actually are as a person and that you two truly are very compatible, rather than were just caught up in the moment, hooked up, and decided to make it official. If you get to know someone as a friend first, it makes it much less stressful and you two can see each other more for how you really are versus a facade of that.

    • Yeah, im not really interested in a person who wants to jump into things, so it wouldn't really be a con. just a bad fit overall.

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    • I would say, you need to show interest but move at the pace that makes feel comfortable, however escalate it slowly to show that you do like him a little more, it could be grabbing his hand while you walk, hugging him, stuff like that

    • sure he knows I like HIM. were going slow. I was just thinking about whether its a good way to ho. I am not keeping him in the dark ;) I dont like games or confusion either so i wouldn't want to do that to others.

  • Good things about being friends first, you get to know them emotionally and mentally before being ready for a physical relationship. The sex part should be left for the last to get into. Even if the relationship does not last, the memories will be long lasting and pondered upon on