I'm in love with a guy who has been heartbroken. What do I do?

There is a new guy in my life and i really like him a lot but I don't know how to handle the situation or what to do. He is a great guy and he has a lot of great qualities. There are so many great things that I love about him and I'm starting to fall for him. But I found out that he was hurt really bad in the past by 2 girls. I don't know what the 2 girls did to hurt him but I know he was deeply hurt by what ever happened. A mutual friend told me that he really likes me a lot but he is just taking his time and being cautious but he does really like me a lot. Most days (9 out of 10) I feel like he does like me a lot but other days I feel like he has a wall up or something. I notice that he makes jokes a lot about me talking to other guys. He'll ask what I'm up to then he'll joke and say I'm probably with my other boo or he'll say I have multiple boo's. All of this is not true of course. He is the only guy I am talk to and trying to get to know deeper at the moment. I know how it feels to be hurt, lied to and used. I would never do that to someone else. I'm a good woman and I wouldn't hurt him. It really bothers me that he says jokes like this. I told him that I don't think its funny but he says he's just playing but I think it's deeper than that and he doesn't want to admit it. I fall for him more and more each day but this makes me wonder if I should pull back a bit? I want to look out for myself as well because I don't want to get hurt either. I don't know if he's ready for all the love that I have in my heart. I don't know if he's ready for the real thing. I could show him the right way that a partner should love him and how you should love each other. Should I stop all forms of intimacy with him and pull back a bit? Or should I continue things the way they are?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd say go all in and have a deep, close talk to him about it or just tell him you're going to back off. No wishy washy stuff. That rarely gets anything resolved.

    However, it is up to you to decide if you think it'd be best to try to go all in or back off completely. Is it worth the risk to put yourself out there? Is it worth the risk to pull back? etc etc.

    • I don't know how to word the things I want to say. I guess before I talk to him I would have think about what I want to say. But I won't lie I am afraid to put myself 100% out there and then he doesn't put his self out there to love me back because he's afraid to be hurt again. I've been hurt extremely bad by my ex my heart was broken in a billion pieces but meeting this new guy he was different than my ex. He made me want to try love and relationships again.

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    • I followed you. I'm the one with caramel in my username

    • I was going to reply to what you said but in a message

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What Guys Said 1

  • I have a best friend who is exactly like this. This guy you have been talking to does not want to be in a relationship right now. The best thing you can do is to keep both your friendship while open to other options. However, if you really like him, you can wait until the time is right. What is right? Until you feel he is opening up and away from his insecurities.

    You should pull back for now until you seem the time is right. Hope that helps!

    • Thank you for the advice. So I should talk to other guys? =/ If he finds out won't he think that he was right all along, that I was talking to multiple guys? He tells me that he wants to sit down with me and make a plan and make things official but we haven't done that yet. And you think I should pull back? So no more kisses etc?

    • I would just be careful. Once you come into that guys heart, you will realize you will have no more guy friends anymore and it will be YOUR responsibility to clean up the other 2 girl's mess. It might seem like you are showing him how "real" love is, but the other girls could've thought up the same. The guy you like might have hidden issues that will come up someday once you two are both comfortable with each other. Are you willing to take that risk?

      My opinion is to give him some time first.

    • Yea I guess I should just take a step back and I guess when he's ready he'll let me know. I guess when the time is right it'll happen if its meant to. I don't want to clean up anyone's mess. I'd rather him be ready before he enters anything with me. I have feelings for him but I guess I should suppress my feelings, emotions and affection.

What Girls Said 1

  • His part relationships have clearly made him insecure. It's up to you on whether you want to work through it or stop the relationship before it gets more serious. Ultimately it comes down to what you can and can't handle. Personally, I struggle dealing with guys who are insecure and paranoid about my behaviour. That being said, a little patience and compassion could go a long way and maybe he could get over his isnecurity.

    • I want to try to be patient and compassionate. I want to try loving him and see if it changes but how long is long enough? When do you give up?

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    • It's something that a lot of people go through, so hopefully it turns out okay. Good luck!

    • Thank you =)