Older man said out of the blue "I'm not your type?"?

What the hell? I've been hanging out with a guy I like that's 10 years older than me and a different race than me a couple times a week every week since December . Since he spends all his free time with me and I've even met his family I really thought he liked me. He even suggested taking me on a cruise for my birthday this summer. Randomly tonight he sends me a text that says "I'm thinking I'm not your type and all, but friends are good." I texted back "uh ok? I'm not sure where that's coming from but ok." And he said "that's cool, just saying."

Ummmm? I don't want to overreact so I haven't texted him anything else but I'm really confused and really hurt. Is that his way of saying he's totally over me?

I texted him and asked him to explain his thinking because I'm confused but he hasn't responded... To be fair he works at night but I'm still worried he's avoiding me now.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You should have asked him what he meant by that.

    Did he mean that HE felt rejected, or assumed that YOU didn't think he was your type?
    Did he mean that HE felt that YOU weren't the match for him?

    I don't understand if he feels rejected since you two have been "dating" for months and nothing has been official. Or if he doesn't feel a connection with you after being involved with you for months.

    You'd have to ask him to elaborate. Or simply say, "I have to admit I'm disappointing. I really liked you and thought a relationship would come of this. But if you just want to be friends, I completely understand."

    His text was too vague for me to interpret what he actually meant. So I believe you should send the above text to him. If he IS interested he'll clarify, if he's not interested he'll agree that being friends is best.

    Good luck, and please give us an update.


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What Guys Said 3

  • There's this thing guys sometimes do where they say "I'm not your type"... or "If things were different maybe we could be together" or something like this which is a statement designed to make a girl want the guy even more.

    The psychology behind it is basic reverse psychology. You tell someone "you can't have this" and they automatically now want it even if they didn't before. So the idea is that the girl goes out and tries really hard to break down whatever the barrier (artificial usually) that the guy ha erected to put between them - so he can get her laid.

    Its possible that he's playing this game.

    Or its possible he seriously thinks he's not your type (but I doubt it - how would he know what your type is better than you yourself?).

  • Sounds like he doesn't think you guys are compatible. Or maybe he genuinely thinks you don't have feelings for him beyond friendship so he's preemptively breaking it off.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with texting him back and just saying what you're thinking.

  • Who knows. Maybe he just figured it wouldn't work in the long run


What Girls Said 1

  • That's not very clear. He probably meant that the age difference and maybe the cultural side of things