Guys on dating websites... Why do they fail at 1st messages?

Why do guys on the internet send the first message with nothing more than "hey" or "how r u"? Like why don't they put some thought into it? Don't they know they'd have a much bigger reply rate if they did? It's clear to me that these guys probably message any girl without reading her profile.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You would think so, but it actually doesn't always work out that way. I used to be an online dater in OKC and match. com and I was the type who would write 4-5 sentences showing my interest in the girl I was messaging. I legitimately read their profiles and was interested in them as a person, and I wanted them to know that. I usually got replies maybe 10-20% of the time.

    My best friend online dated as well, and he was the opposite... he would copy and paste a generic message to girls... the interesting thing is he tended to get more replies than I did.

    I think it all depends on what's at the top of the priority list when it comes to the girls whose receiving messages, etc.

    I agree though, it is more respectable to show interest in the person, not just sending a "hey what's up" based on a profile picture.

    • That's interesting about your friend! I guess girls on dating sites can be inconsistent. But totally agree with the last statement.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Why do girls do the same thing to me when I am on as well? It's not just guys.

    Now keep in mind a shorter first message is honestly better, but I do agree a "hey" message is just dumb. But a lot of guys get the impression that the girl wants some super long love letter and feel this is a problem because of one truth, you don't know each other yet. Plus, they won't get replied to because a lot of these girls can and will skip over a person if there's one sentence in his profile they don't like.

    Also, girls online want to email forever just to not even meet. It's a waste of time for a lot of guys. If the girl won't exchange numbers looking to meet up after 5 messages back and forth, I stop replying and consider her as a waste of my time. I like real people, not internet personas. This upped my rate of meeting people insanely.

    • Yeah, most girls on dating sites are pretty much window shopping.

    • Damn i meant to like that sorry

  • He's not likely to to write a book, unless you're interested in reading it. A lot of women don't even read these messages. Often enough, they don't even read what's in a profile description, but they're more likely to read that first.

    More often, they'll just look at a profile photo and decide whether to even reply or not. Long messages are even less likely to be read, because it takes more time and effort.

    They'll spend the time, if you're prepared to spend some time.

  • "hey" doesn't sound like a pickup line

  • That's the biggest problem with dating websites. Women think men can come up with creative things to say without really knowing a person. Reading someone's profile does not help as much as you might think.

    • It's not that hard. Maybe with some girls' profiles, but I know for a fact I gave the guys something to work with. Even something as simple as "I see you like sushi" or "That sucks you recently got dumped." Just something specific to my profile is all I ask. Something not generic and lame. Know what I mean?

    • What I am saying though is that its not good at grabbign a girls attention. Starting a topic on "that sucks you recnetly got dumped" will get the guy no where. Sushi might work, I don't have a lot of experience apart from Tinder but there have been times when I talked to a girl to learn more about her by asking her about her photo or description and I got maybe 2-3 response out of the 8-9 girls I asked.

      After a while I can see if guys don't want to put the effort if they can't even get a simple response back

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