Why would a guy say he likes you but act so indifferent?

I have known a guy for a few years, we joke around and get along very well. He has always told me and mutual friend how he likes me, wants to take me out and blah blah. I never took him seriously because he flirts with every girl. I always liked him back so I decided to try because besides the flirting he is a sweet guy.

We exchanged numbers and he finally called after four days. We talked and its clear there is something between us. Everything seemed to be going well then he starts acting bizarre. He never answers his phone when I call him, If he calls me now he always hangs up before I can even swipe the answer key on the phone. I don't bother to call him back anymore.

Yet at school he ALWAYS hangs around me, joking around flirting and being touchy feely. He's mentioned us going on a date and I agreed, but he never made anything official. I've mentioned us meeting outside of school and he doesn't respond. I don't want to be desperate and have to ask him. He makes our mutual friends and other people think something is going on between but honestly nothing is going on, he acts weird which makes me keep my distance from him.

I got tired of the way he acts with me so I started ignoring him. If he really liked me he wouldn't act the way he does. It makes me feel like I'm some toy to him. He does nothing just keeps staring at me, walking around with a sad face. Its annoying how our friends will ask him what's going on (because I'm ignoring him) and he'll say "I think she's mad at me...", "I don't know what's going on...", "Oh, well...". Then one of our friends tries to mend the situation.

I'm tired of trying and him rejecting but acting like I'm to blame. I really like him but he's making me hate him. I don't even like when he touches me now. If he really likes me why is he acting so indifferent?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't see it as rejection at all. He may just keep his emotions on a very short leash. And some guys (like me) don't chase women. It is kind of a defense mechanism. There are guys that waste all sorts of time chasing women that only have marginal or no attraction to them. A woman that has a decent level of attraction to you will show it by making her presence known and taking some risks. In time, once he sees you are really attracted to him, he will slowly start giving you more attention. But I wouldn't expect him to ever chase. So don't expect that to change. And remember the old saying, Still waters run deep.

    • This is going to be a problem then. I don't chase men. If I like their personality or their presence, I make it known. I am shy but I make it known my attraction and intentions. I've been hurt really bad as well but I'm still trying. If I call he never answers or call back I don't fuss about it I take it as he isn't all that interested in me. When he calls me he actually hangs up before I can answer. I asked him about that and he was so nonchalant about it. You tell me to show him I'm seriously interested in him but yet he doesn't return the signals I give him.

    • Hanging up before you answer is silly. Not sure what is going on there. His level of interest sounds somewhat low. It sounds like you are more an optional than desired.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I am the same kinda guy in the same situation I told a girl I had feelings for her she gave me signals. But I blew her off because she hurt my feelings some way everyday and I'm afraid of getting hurt yet again. I stare but I don't dare talk to her she gives me the cold shoulder and seems mad. What do you want this guy to do?

    • Since I told him how I felt about him, I have tried to show him I really am serious about him. Wouldn't you assume something is going on with someone if they never take your calls? Or what about someone calling and hanging up before you even get the chance to answer the phone. I don't cling to him nor do I ignore him. I give him his space but I make sure to show him I like him. I don't want to rush anything but at the same time he could show me What I'm doing is acknowledged.

    • so you want him to confess his feelings for you whether it be good or bad.

    • Yes. If he doesn't like me then it is what it is. But if he does stop pushing me away.

What Girls Said 1

  • Calling a girl but hanging up shows that he is interested in you and thinking about you enough to make the call, but something is holding him back from going through with it. The trick is figuring out whats holding him back.

    Best scenario is his nerves. Like he likes you so much tht he gets too nervous when it comes to actually calling you because he's afraid to mess it up. He would probably be too embarrassed admit this to his friends which is why they are trying to figure out what the heck is wrong.

    Acting sad around you is a call for help. He wants you to feel sorry for him and approach him instead.

    So scenario 1 is that he likes you a lot but is too awkward and nervous to make that next step. But in person he can't help but flirt with you because he is nervous and thinks you're great. If he could get the courage or confidence to get past that one step things could go really well.

    If this is true your future with him is in your hands. You have 3 options: You can encourage him to get past that step by asking him in person if he wants to hang out sometime. Just skip the phone. Ask him if phones make him nervous. Try texting him instead. That's much less scary to deal with.

    Another option is to move on because his insecurity and inability to follow through isn't worth it for you.

    Or you can stay as you are. Just enjoy the flirtatious moments because its fun. If he ever makes a next move, then you can decide want to take it further or not.

    • SCENARIO 2:
      The other scenario is that he has no intention to move beyond the flirting stage. He enjoys the attention and thrill of flirting, especially with you. You may be his favorite person to flirt with. He probably loves the feeling of getting a girl to be attracted to him.

      However he has a hang up that is keeping him from moving into a real relationship. It could be fear commitment because of prior abuse or fear of being held down. Maybe he was hurt badly as a child so he unconsciously is aftaid of letting someone into his heart because it would hurt him more. It could be that he unconsciously is not ready to let go of his chances with another girl.

    • You have 3 choices in this scenario:
      1. You enjoy the flirting because it's fun and do or say whatever you want because there are no relationship ramifications to worry about.

      2. You can tell him you are not interested in people who are too scared to take things further. You like boys who are serious about you. You are not interested in flirting with someone who won't call so he should move on.

    • 3. You can try to win him over by discreetly figuring out what's holding him back and then going through the long journey of working through it with him. Try to increase the opportunities you'll interact with each other and encourage him to talk about whatever interests him. You don't need to lie about your skills or interests just ask lots of good questions. He will feel closer to you and like he can trust you.

      If you think its another girl, just make sure that you are totally awesome and continue making your bond stronger. Maybe flirt very lightly with someone else. Be confident in yourself and value everything that you have. Confidence in yourself bleeds into how others see you.

      If its fear of commitment you have to be willing to move very slow. If he ever rejects you must not show hurt. He needs to feel secure that you care for him but that you don't need him.