Is this guy just lonely? Or is he serious?

We are both in our late 20's.
He works overnight as security and it gets lonely.
He always talks about being single and seems to think being in a relationship will make his life easier.
I really really like him and we have both expressed this.

We live a few hours drive away though.

He told me he wishes I were there.

Sometimes I wonder if he's just lonely or bored when he says this stuff. Always when he's at work all alone. He did admit feelings when he was home but he was even saying how depressed he was and all that. Saying the only one he can open up to (me) lives so far away.

I don't know, I just wonder about him. Wonder if he takes me out of his pocket to play when he's lonely and bored.

How do I know? He's invested a lot of time into me. But I'm not sure. Sometimes I get fed up with him playing a little disappearing act. When I pull away he comes on strong. I do not do it for that reaction. I just pull away or am genuinely distant because I feel played with.

He likes to fantasize together about either of us moving closer to the other. I just can't live in fantasy land...

Is he serious, or at least- how can I tell?


Most Helpful Guy

  • if you feel comfortable with it, maybe as soon as there is a long weekend, or maybe one of you guys can arrange a long weekend with some time off, why dont you invite him to vist or visa versa? as its a long trip and a long visit, it might be worth forcing yourself out of your comfort zone and offering to share a bed, but to clearly point out this doesn't mean there will be any sex. or just make up the couch for him and then decide in the moment if you want to bed share.

    the biggest problem is that regardless of the other issues he may have, he is also obviously pining for you. someone needs to do something to change the situation. the easiest thing is to either just cut him off or to start meeting. im a hopeless romantic at heart, so yeah, i say try meeting up


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Repetition is usually a good sign for genuine behavior. However there is no way to actually tell. Instincts will get you further this time.


What Girls Said 1

  • There is no guaranteed way to know anything in life; your best bet is to be direct and ask him and even then you don't know if he is genuine or not. Relationships are a gamble but its taking that gamble that allows you to slowly build trust.

    He could very well be genuine, and even if he's lonely, its a human emotion and being lonely doesn't mean your feelings for someone are less valid. Guys don't play as many head games so they say what they mean for the most part. You can stop contact for a while and see if he initiates contact, but that is a game. I think the best thing to do is to be blunt open and honest and ask what his intentions with you are. If its congruent with what you want, you trust him, and you feel SAFE, try meeting him in a public place one day or skyping and see if there is chemistry.

    The only major red flag I see is that the guy seems to think relationships are his only path to being happy. That's an external form of deriving joy, whereas a secure person with good self-esteem shouldn't need external things to be happy. You don't want anyone projecting that much responsibility on you. That of course doesn't mean he can't be a perfectly nice and sincere guy.