Is it normal to want space from my boyfriend? Permanently? Not break up just less close...?

My bf of 2 years is a good guy. Treats me well. We have our ups and downs and he has stuck it out through so much with me.

I have been irrationally irritable lately. Towards him. I want to get some space and get back into my religion. I don't want to break up but I want things to change we are each other's only friend and I'm starting to branch out. I have had immense depression because our relationship is stifling. I feel like I live for him and it's wrong. And I stopped going to my place of worship for 2 years because I was having premarital sex w my bf.

This relationship has taken it's toll spiritually, mentally and emotionally which I admit is my fault.

But is it normal to want to just get my life back together? Ik he keeps wanting to support me but no I want to do this alone and for him to back off a little and let me do it. Especially since he doesn't serve god it should b separate.

Why can't I feel right about him being so involved? Is there something wrong with me I really really feel like I'm stagnant

I don't want my boyfriend to be my support system !! Is that normal? Does that mean I don't love him?

He has been my only support for so long I can't take It anymore I don't want to rely on him anymore I want to be my strong self again and rely on myself and other things as well like god

Then we can enjoy our time together more instead of sitting up under each other getting anxiety attacks lol


Most Helpful Girl

  • After two years of being this noose around one another's necks, you want "time out" to Find time and---space---to try and get your life back, and in the meantime, find yourself again. You're tired of not being your own woman, not being able to partake in a religion that you love and respect, and he has been, not only your "support system," but your Life Support unit as well. You and he have no other friends, only depending and leaning on one another, and it's almost as though you are both leading lives as two nomads, sheltering yourself from the world. It's not healthy, and I can see Why you feel strangulated and want some room to breathe to get back who you once were. And in the meantime, to come back down to earth, and realize there is so much more out there than you have been "given and livin'." You've been missing out on this because you've been stuck in this boat for two years with him, and now you see it's starting to weigh you down, where you might sink to the bottom if you don't jump on shore. You're crying for a life jacket, and once safe on land, you want to be "strong and rely on yourself," and Not on Him, to make things work for you.
    Yes, you love him, but you are beginning to resent him in your own right, and if you continue as you're going, you're going to remain "stagnant," and even want to-----leave him. Your gasping for air, getting anxiety attacks, and if you don't break free, you will eventually run from him.
    You need to sit him down and tell him how you feel. You've been together long enough where you should be able to talk about anything, and this is One time that things need to be sorted out and worked out. If he gives you no leverage, then maybe it's time for a break...
    Might I suggest allowing each other some breathing room by Beginning your Beguine 2-3 times a week with "doing things separately." It might help your relationship become better and stronger and----"Then you can enjoy your time together more."

    • I don't think I could have worded it better. I thank you for being able to identify with me so well. I do love him but do feel like running away at the same time. I realize it isn't because I don't want to be together but that we are always ONLY together.

      It's twisted and wrong and killing me I will definitely find a way for us to do other things

      We did talk and he is going to the gym more my best friend and I are going to read the bible together and I will work on reaching out to more and more people.

      I want us to be able to function independently for once that way it doesn't feel like the support we do have to offer isn't sucking the life out of us.

      Have you ever spoken so much to one person u get a bit fuzzy in the head and u feel a little irritable? That's how I feel. He takes up all my thoughts and I'm sick of it I want to think about something else more often not dump him but add some variety to my life I really mean this from the bottom of my heart

    • I am so very happy you are both working thi sout. Love does find a way...Yes, I have a husband out in Egypt, I am still here in USA, and although I do visit when I can, being Long distance, we have out problems, and he gets over bearing, controlling and yesm lonley for me. We have split, taken breaks many times in the pasy, but always end up, because of God, back together...Sometimes, even though you love someone, you need your spaxe, and need to set them straight, or you do go crazy. And it does make for a better relationship, understanding, and the love can continue to be nurtured better.Good luck.xx

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What Guys Said 7

  • i can 100% guarantee you can depend on your boyfriend more than you can on god.

    if you feel things are stale, or you dont love him, so be it, move on, work on yourself, but thinking that 'church' will fix anything is a laughable concept to me. it simply sounds like you will be switching out one dependence for another..

    • I don't think Dependance is good at all. I thought not being dependent on him would help make our relationship be healthier. I feel like he's my dad that's how involved he is in my life which is my fault for always confiding and letting him worry over me I thought maybe asking for space was me being proactive?

    • Show All
    • personally i wake early. like really early. so no matter what im doing, im always waking up 2-3-4 hours before my gfs do, and i use that time to game, catch up on tv shows, and go for walks. thats how i get my me time.

      but yeah whatever you do, do it for yourself. even if its just going for a walk and sitting at a cafe by yourself doing some puzzles. time to recharge, time to think, just you time.

      if you can, encourage him to do something as well. if its not at the same time guess what, when he is off doing his thing, you get a little extra 'me time' too ;)

    • Thank you so much. You are right the moment we even became friends I had stopped doing what I enjoy doing. Once premarital sex happened I purged for two years everything I believed in because i felt I was a hypocrite.

      But frankly everything I enjoyed doing like writing, reading, music, walks, just stopped and I am very unsure of what I stand for anymore. I think you are exactly right. Ik I'm too dependent because even the thought of doing things I enjoy frighten the hell out of me. It's going to be a real struggle and challenge. But thank you for helping to steer me in the right direction.

      I also agree though I love my religion it's good to have other hobbies as well so I can be balanced so if one thing falls through I have other ways to cope, wind down, or just think!

      Maybe it is common sense but it was definitely the reminder I needed! Ty! :)

      And I'm sorry it deleted your whole text my iPod does the same to me all the time lol

  • If your in any relationship and you want any kind of distance between you and your partner then it is obvious you either no longer have feelings or never had feelings for him. If you truly love someone you never want to be apart from them. having a bit of space when you are not married is ok as long as it is not excessive. a day or two here or there kind of thing. anything more then that why are you staying together? it is selfish of you to say... I am going to do my own thing. I make no promises to you. but you have to wait for me until I feel I am ready to take you back.
    If I were him I would tell you to shove it.
    you need to move on. maybe you come back together. but if religion is important to you, and it isn't for him, forcing it will not help. So unless your willing to compromise you are not going to work out.
    If he really loved you he would not have an issue with you continuing to do your religion thing while you two are together.
    You want it all and are not taking his feelings into account.

  • There is nothing wrong with you. You're suffering from codependency and want to reassert your independence. Your relationship is unhealthy because of the lack of interdependency but it is fixable and you are on the right track. You need to tell your boyfriend that you want to do these things alone specifically because you are too dependent on him and not dependent enough on yourself or your own convictions.

    • Thank you I feel u hit the nail right on the head and understand exactly what I'm trying to do. Ik he helped me get through a lot but somewhere along the lines things have become an unhealthy reliance and I need to become my own person again. And for him to kind of stop being superman and let me find my own support outside of our relationship so we can stop letting my business be the main focal point of our relationship

      I was just worried that it meant I didn't love him or wasn't doing things right being we are each other's first relationship xD I don't know if I'm doing the right way or not but Ty !! I will tell him

  • space is good, but just make sure its not pushed too far. Keep them in the loop but not give too much information

  • Super normal. Everyone needs their space. It's not like we evolved to be with someone 24/7.

  • Space is a good thing it will usually make you appreciate each other more

  • What you say about not wanting to be solely dependant on him is pretty normal


What Girls Said 1

  • You should break up with him and work on you. Not just for a little while, like take a few years if you have to.