How do I be patient with my boyfriend on drugs?

When he does drugs, his pick is coke and weed, he gets really selfish, lies about it cos he knows I don't like it, and puts himself first.

He's not cheated that I know of or anything... but he's being weird... I think it may just be the drugs. He tells me over and over again how much I mean to him and he may have to leave because he doesn't like seeing me hurt and I deserve so much more because I'm such a great girl to him and just a good one over all.

I really want to be there for him. I admit I've yelled at him and made him feel terrible for his addiction... when really I should have been more supportive. I don't want to have to leave... we've been together for a realllllyyy long time like several years. I'm 22 he's 23.

We dated before in highschool and got back together in college... He said the first time he needed to see if what we had was real... that he needed to be single. And he started talking to me in college again telling me how no girl was like me and he really misses what we have.

Problem is... he's been a drug addict since the first time we broke up. And I think the drugs are controling him.

I really, really love this guy and I want to be more supportive of him... not tell on him to his parents anymore...which he is still mad at me for doing... that's why he's kicked out of his house right now, struggling to pay rent.

I feel horrible. I was just trying to help... but I just ruined it i guess...


Most Helpful Guy

  • "I admit I've yelled at him and made him feel terrible for his addiction... when really I should have been more supportive."

    Quite the contrary, you already were most supportive by making him feel bad. That is all you can do about it, make him feel awful when he is on drugs and be friendly if he isn't. Try to get him into rehab all the time and blame and shame him for doing drugs.

    What you have to realize about addiction is that:
    1. Addicts will always be addicts
    2. Addiction is always stronger than any love or fear or any other emotion

    If drugs make him feel so much better it takes something that does make him feel so much worse to fight it if he tries to withdraw (which doesn't exist, but something is better than nothing). Chances to get out of it are dim, but they exist. Without rehab and constant therapy though they are even lower. Honest advice: leave him for your own sake. While he is on drugs it all might look a lot less dramatic than it really is. You only get really fucked once you stop using. He might also leave you if you are helping, who knows. If you start to fight the addiction you do as much fight the person who has it. It is all bumpy and hopeless.

    • Also, he has to make the decision to stop using drugs. It can't come from anyone else. If he is clean he probably will crawl back to you anyway, because he will feel so miserable and fucked. Having friends and family who aren't on drugs then helps a lot. Also after a frew month of being without drugs, you tend to fall really fast and easily in love because that's the next best thing you can get to get high without doing some substance.

    • Ty I told him yesterday he has a problem and I can't make him stop but I'll be here for him... Also asked him if he can at least try 2 weeks sober to get his life straight and told him if he can't do that he might need professional help. Cos I honestly don't hate drugs either... If people wanna do it then fine but I don't like seeing people I love broke all the time and depressed from intense withdrawals

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • If it's a deal breaker you need to give him an ultimatum, you or the drugs not both. You deserve and can do better. People like this keep saying their going to change and it never happens. Apparently he loves his drugs more than he does you.


What Girls Said 2

  • That's an extremely unhealthy relationship. A relationship with a person who is addicted to something is a real struggle and honestly, I don't think it's worth it. Of course I don't have first-hand experience, but my mother is married to someone with an addiction and their relationship sucks. Sometimes he'll stop his addiction for a while and everything seems great, but when he goes back it all goes downhill again. That's not a real relationship, nor are any of the good times worth it.

    Life is so short and there's so many guys out here who aren't addicted to something. If your boyfriend stays on drugs, you two will never have a healthy relationship. I understand if you guys have a lot of history with each other but it's just not worth it. A person who is addicted to alcohol or drugs can never give you as much love or joy as you deserve. If he stays on drugs and you stay with him, you're going to get older, look back at your life, and regret the time you spent with him that you could have been spending with a guy who is not addicted to anything and gives you all of the love you deserve. It may not seem like it, but yes, you can most definitely love some other guy just as much as you do your drug addict boyfriend, if not even more.

  • You won't be able to make him get rid of his addiction, and it seems like he doesn't want to give the drugs up. Not even for you. Otherwise he would have stopped. So now you need to think about it real hard. Is it a dealbreaker to you? I know it definitely would be for me. And I agree, you deserve someone better. Don't stick around just because you think you'll be able to change him -- because you won't.

    • I don't really think drugs are terrible. I'm not trying t

    • Obviously they're making him behave weird and technically it's ruining your relationship with him. You're just making up excuses but you know deep down that it probably has to end sooner or later.

    • Sorry my laptop didn't send the whole reply. Me and him have done drugs together and I don't have a prob with it once in a while. As a recovering drug addict it hurts me to see my bf getting worse. I love him so much I don't think I can change him but I want to help him