Would a girl saying she wasn't into formal relationships ruin your opinion of her? Would it discourage you from pursuing a relationship with her?

I know this is probably a really strange question, but I met this guy about a year and a half ago when we were both traveling through a mutual friend. We instantly connected on so many levels and talked for hours and eventually (two days later) hooked up. At the time both of our lives weren't exactly organized into the formal grow up, get a job, get married have kids, grow old together system we had both sort of formed our own paths. Anyway we continued on as really good friends with benefits. At one point I confided in him about how upset I was that my best friend from childhood was having issues with her girlfriend and she was blaming me (basically she was jealous and not smart enough to hide it) and so he wasn't able to really be there for me as a friend. I was really missing my friend in that moment and I just kinda started bashing relationships mostly in the sense of the ownership of it all... Now after time has passed and my life is becoming more organized and I am starting to grow up and barely starting to get those urges to have a family etc I'm starting to wonder if I screwed things up with my soul mate by wording things wrong... I mean this guy has been there for me through thick and thin and seems to adore me no matter what, but did I close the door completely for anything more?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think the future idea was to be with this guy in your mind and likewise for him. The rant may have thrown all that away, look at it from a practical and logical point of view. You wouldn't want to be friends with someone who one day starts to bash the friendship you have would you? I don't want be friend if all my homies want to do is talk shit about me in front of me or behind my back regardless, he still said it. So in that sense why would he want to keep dating you or be around when you are spewing negativity about whatever it is you guys have. Just saying as a man I wouldn't be around a girl who I have been dating for all of a sudden to wake up have her saying that there's no use being in a relationship? However it was during while you were upset, did you guys ever fully talk about since you haven't said that exactly in your question. With all this being said, you did say that he's been there for you through the thick and thin, if he doesn't want a relationship with you, but offers his friendship and that's all will you be accepting to that idea? Sometimes real good friends are hard to come by, just a thought. I hope I was of some help.

    • Hmmm yea makes sense a bit, but I guess I wasn't really bashing relationships as a whole just the way my best friend conducts them... I would never want my significant other telling me I can't talk to an old friend and I would never tell my significant other they couldn't talk to anyone at all. We haven't spoken about formal relationships since (probably why I'm thinking on it and getting nervous that a conversation in one direction or another is coming)... The thing is this guy and I basically act as though we are in a relationship together 90% of the time, but we have never really said anything about it... I'm definitely never kicking him out of my life that's for sure, but at certain times I have tried dating other people and I hate it!!! I think when it gets down to it I really just want to be with him, but I'm not sure if I turned him against the idea myself... (Your probably thinking I am quite a mess lol)

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    • Hey sorry it was a long weekend and I was so bogged down by work I didn't get a chance to reply, but your totally right what you think of me isn't important, I just feel embarrassed/an extra big mess when I say what is going on in my mind out loud. So the biggest hurtle in all of this is we are from different countries (very similar countries, but different countries) and neither one of us is really set up back at home... Formal dating internationally is a huge emotional strain which is hard to explain, but if you spend too much time traveling you start to see formal relationships as a bad idea and don't want to get involved in them unless you are in it for the long haul... Basically after a lit but of time traveling you figure out that a formal dating relationship internationally takes about the same dedication as getting married domestically. He and I had both been traveling for a about 2 years when we met and (this is going to sound even more insane) we met because his best friend

    • And my best friend had one of the most horrid endings to an international relationship you can imagine. So I think the most obvious answer staring at us was we don't want what they have. I know there is still attraction and we have talked about long term visa's to live in the same country, but all of that takes a commitment nobody knows if they are ready for. In reality we are just now experiencing real life on our own right now, we have no idea what real life together would be like. The whole point of dating is to see if you fit into each other's worlds and at the moment I'm not even sure what my world is... So I'm not sure exactly how he feels about taking that long jump and getting married and everything but I know it has been a couple of years now... Isn't that a little long for just infatuation?

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What Girls Said 1

  • If he's smart he'd know you were upset. But being a girl that hates relationships and won't get into them unless I know things will work and will openly bash them all the time you didn't screw things up.

    • Thanks I really hope you're right!!!

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