Post divorce connection, am I right to steer clear of this guy?

He's the first guy I've been talking to since my divorce, and it's been quite a while until I've been ready to do this.

I really really like him, a lot. I want to be in a relationship with him but there's some red flags...

He is in his late 20's like me, but still lives with his parents. He moved out only briefly with a girlfriend (who he is still good friends with...) He works 40 hours a week but for not much, and doesn't want to really try getting another job. He certainly has only looked for jobs just as easy, or perhaps familiar, but still with low pay.
I'm not all about money, and I make just average. Nothing special I mean, but he's way below me and doesn't make much. He also actually showed me his credit score, why I don't know because it's low. He's got little savings and some debt- money management is important. I wouldn't want to be supporting us, you know? Also it says something about his maturity and also how he takes important things seriously.

He also keep saying he is stuck. He isn't stuck, he's just doing nothing to improve his situation.

I live on my own, renting at the moment, and divorced. I'd owned a house previously.

I feel like I'd like to see how a guy lives on his own (for him, he doesn't even go food shopping living at home... Or keep a tidy bedroom, I mean it's not terrible but it's messy)
I feel like there's too much unknown, and I'm not wild about the ex in the picture even though she is dating someone else.

Am I being too harsh here?

This is about the red flags, not what I like about him. Not lonely nor do I feel I need to be in a relationship.


Most Helpful Guy

  • well it depends, you are not all about the money? yet you say he's well below me.. do guys generally choose a chick by her income? or by her credit score? or by how much debt she may have?
    all differences in gender.. a female could work at a yogurt store and if a guy is attracted to her he may approach usually.
    besides, on the bright side the guy mite get a discount on yogurt.
    but in your case im not sure you really like this guy, otherwise you would be more positive towards him and give him a chance maybe.
    but its in your prospective


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What Girls Said 1

  • Why do you think you're being too harsh? What exactly does that mean when it's your life too? I read and re-read your post and cannot find anywhere were you mention his good qualities. Does he even have any? Or are you just feeling lonely and he's the first one to pop up? Why do you really, really like him? Is his lack of ambition a deal-breaker for you?

    By the way, always, always, always pay attention to the red flags. They don't change and you'll be dealing with the problem (or a resemblance of it) for the rest of your relationship.