Why does this happen to me almost all the time?

I am an online dater 95% of the time. It is hard to meet women offline because i am so shy. I am good looking but still so shy.

We talk fine and get along well but i add them on Facebook and they dont talk to me. I look at our chat history and it has been me mostly doing the talking, they reply 1-3 words and maybe a long sentence here or there. It hurts cause every girl i am with i treat like a princess. It hurts so much cause i try and try and i dont get anywhere. Call me a little girl but i cry cause i never have someone. Being in the military all i see are married couples and a family. I want that so much, to be married with the woman of my dreams or thats really good to me and a family. I crushes me especially after coming off a divorce i filed for.

I feel like everytime a girl i talk to doesn't work out i am a failure. I have depression problems, while i was deployed and i filed for divorce; it was the hardest decision of my life; i almost killed myself i was a mess for a long time. She remarried 2 months after the divorce and i still feel like a piece of trash because she used me so badly.

My wife alienated me from people in my unit so i really have no close friends, i spend my weekends alone. The clubs and bars are not my thing. I am about to lose it again. I think i may drink myself away, the pain and void i have it unbearable after every girl just says f*ck you vincent. God i need some help. I wish i was good enough for anyone at this point.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I personally don't like to talk to Donald downers. Im naturally a happy go lucky person and every down fall i had was a golden opportunity to step out of it cos i was done being depressed. You should learn to make friends for now so you can have a shoulder to cry on. Forget about being in a relationship now. Get well first before you are ready to open your heart to someone for the right reasons


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What Girls Said 2

  • I honestly think you were dealt a really shitty hand of girls. I don't think it has anything at all to do with you, you seem like a very sweet and faithful guy I think you're just in with the wrong crowd of girls. You seem like you have a lot on your mind and I tried but it will not let me message me, so if you'd like, message me and we can talk. I've been told before I am great at advice and cheering people up! I know it sucks to be lonely, I'm on the same boat, but you need to just keep reminding yourself that one day it WILL get better.

  • Hey a Chicagoan

    • hell yes bears, hawks, sox, cubs, bulls fan through and through!

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    • i do but i dont think i need that much help just someone to get my feelings out, cause i cried like bawled like a baby and i felt so much better

    • Well I glad you feel better. :)

What Guys Said 1

  • You do need professional help. Immediately. Don't let this slide, dude. You'd only be passing the pain you have off to other people.

    You have to whip this confidence and low-self esteem and shyness thing. There's really no other way around it. That, and that alone is what is hurting your chances with girls.

    Once you are ready - stop messaging girls. You find one you like, chat for a bit on the dating site..if you like them, ask them out. You are taking to long to show interest.

    • why do you say its self esteem

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    • Because you are putting yourself in the friendzone with these women. You are not upfront with them about your intentions. Life isn't a romantic comedy. You are essentially being dishonest.

      I know what you're feeling. I used to be that way. Had those same emotions. And I had a female roommate smack the shit out of me and yell at me for being friends with these girls.

      Her advice (which I followed and met my wife soon after) is to NEVER be friends with a girl. If you see a girl you want to date...you be FRIENDLY to her, but NEVER do anything that doesn't make it clear you want to date her. Ask them out. Be bold. Sure, you may (and probably will) get rejected...but that's much less pain than weeks of agony that you're going through now.

    • well it has been a few days i broke up with an ex gf who choked the crap out of me lol