What good will it brings to me?

Anonymous
When I was in highschool, I took science stream. I did well when I was primary school and ended up being in a science-focused highschool. Long story short, I did terribly bad at the 3 main science subjects which are Addmath, Chemistry and Biology in the big, last, final examination in my final senior year. I got E for those 3 subjects which was nearly failed.

The thing is, now that I am older, whic is 20 year old now and currently 21, considering we're now 2021 (happy new year guys). I felt liked I never really moved on from the past of didn't succeeded in those subjects. I always caught up myself picking up those exercise books and saying to myself that I wanted to do those exercise, which was no good afterall.

One of the reason I think I never really moved on is because my late dad used to be very proud of me being into science school and such. I can sense it. He used to say he respect the doctors and looked highly at them. (Which gives a teenage me pressure to succeed in those subjects, to which, doesn't end well like I mentioned earlier) When I got the result he was obviously really disappointed in me. It was in 2017

*****

Now I am currently doing my diploma in Logistics. My dad had passed away in 2019 due to chronic disease. I still catching myself picking up those exercise books and having the intention to do them. I never really good at them. I think for a fact that I used to be a daddy's girl and I disappoints him in that manners made me now to have difficulty in letting go the past. Now, I have some few options.

1) Study them
2) let go of them and just move on

Option 1: if I do that, then what? What am I supposed to do with all those knowledge? I mean, that big examination has passed long ago back in 2017.

Option 2: I don't know. If I just merely let go of them just like that, I feel like there will be a void inside of me, I don't know.

What should I do?
What good will it brings to me?
Go study them
Vote A
let go of them and just move on
Vote B
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