So, I have finished my apprenticeship and I make good money. I have been with her for 2 years now and I see that she works so hard to pay her way through school. She always wants to pay her half for dates. I find this admirable and praise her for it but back in my mind the reality of the fact is I take home about $2156.32 every week for 40 hours a week we split everything through the middle. She pays for her half in rent and bills too. I am considering helping her pay for her school debt/bills because in my opinion it's wearing down on her and it's affecting her. My perspective in life is that life is a huge corn field and just like fore fathers of old walking in one's tracks saves energy and even breaking the wind making those behind you able to catch some breath. It's so much easier to hack at life together and work towards one goal. So right now we are walking on two different paths through the corn field where I'm already on the other side ready to go onto the next step waiting for her. Rather than invest in myself with my money and stupid things I don't need. I'm really considering helping her out because the faster she is done the faster we can move on with life. Basically backtracking into her tracks and helping her manage this corn field where she can focus on what important and let me take the front for a bit. How do I propose this to her when she is so determined and independent. It's not a feminist or patriarchy thing she's just a hard worker and I'm ready to go to the next step but I don't want to move on and leave her behind. Should I find creative ways to help her? Or should I just focus on me and save my money and leave her to fend for herself in debt/work and school work?
Like mindNsoul mentioned, save up for a possible house or expense you would both need to make. There's no next level of commitment, no engagement, or anything to tell you 100% this is gonna be the girl you marry etc. And even as serious as you both may be, things can change just like that, and then you spent all this money on someone you're not with anymore.
Maybe offer to pay more the little things you do, and the eating out. You could tell her you've noticed she has a lot on her plate with the school bills so you want to take care of all the dining bills. If you're serious about paying the debt and you're so sure this is gonna be the girl, tell her how you've noticed it's affected her and everything, but go a step further and show her how serious you are about it. For example, write a check that she opens in an envelope. Anything that shows her you're not just saying it but you've already got your foot halfway in the door with it and it's up to her and how comfortable she is to make it happen.
If she sticks to her independent side and wants to do it all herself I'd say the best track is not to try to come back through the cornfield but to go to her lane and pave the way forward for you together, hence the saving for a house for example. And respect her decision which I'm sure you will. She may have her deeply rooted reasons why she wants to do this alone. Eventually, when you decide to take the next step in your relationship and you decide to get married or anything like that, her struggles become your struggles, and she'll need to just learn that if she doesn't already, and know that it's ok if you help her up or if she helps you up, and that's it's ok to receive help.
Best of luck!
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Jamie05rhs | 211 opinions shared on Education & Career topic.
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I think it's totally fine if you do that, as long as she accepts your generosity. But don't force it on her. If she wants to continue paying her own way, let her do that. (My advice would be the same if the genders were opposite.)
However, I cringe at the fact you posted this publicly. Because now other girls will read it and think that they will find a man to do that for them. Personally, I think you should keep that between you and your girlfriend and don't tell anyone else.
Word of advice, though: Just make sure she's faithful and loyal. Don't let her take advantage of you.
Save up and invest or buy a house. that would be the smarter option. Or do what @007kingifrit said.
You are too young and not married. Plus only some of us are lucky enough to find their life partner at your age. The one that you actually will grow old and die next too. So unless someone can guarantee that you are one of the lucky few than never mix money with emotions.
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