I feel so lost and just want a stable happy life any advice?

Puppystarfish23
Ever since I lost my job due to covid I started working in a job I hate, the money is great but the job is boring, I'm not very good at it and most of the staff are really mean people. I've not been happy for a long time and my all my loved ones have seen it too even to the point they've said they won't judge if I quit my job as it's making me so depressed.

I feel like I can't talk to anyone about my depression because no one will believe me and think I'm just attention seeking as I'm always making jokes and act really hyper but even now I'm constantly moody and tired as I can't sleep due to stress. I always feel like everyone hates me and but I'm a massive loser.

I can't believe I have a amazing beautiful boyfriend who loves me and I'm always questioning why. He even says my job a
has taking the girl he loves away from him as I was always the up beat on before all this. I know this is a terrible thing to say but if it wasn't for him and my family I'd had probably ended things along time ago.

I feel like were ever go there's always people don't understand me and want to ruin my life. Including me I struggle really bad with learning disabilities and I feel my brain is my own worst enemy and I'm constantly fighting against it just hold things together and come off as if I'm know what I'm doing. All the people who are mean to me I'd love to see them have my brain for 5 minutes and see if they can figure it out before judging me.

I can't even cry anymore I feel so exhausted and don't see the point it just feels good to get it out my system.

One day I want to have a house and family of my own but I just feel like nothing ever goes right for me and everything ends up being too good to be ture.
I feel so lost and just want a stable happy life any advice?
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