*Disclaimer: if you want to be a soul sucking a**hole, go somewhere else!*
Most Helpful Guy
There's this guy who travels constantly for work (we'll say he's a truck driver?), and he loves his wife, but she's such an exorbitantly horny girl that he just can't help but worry about her when he's away... So he goes to a sex shop to buy her a toy... He looks through alll the dildos and vibrators, but he just can't find anything special enough for his piece of mind, when *poor* this little mystic/shaman/whatever appears behind him and says, "I know what you're here for, and I have just what you need"...
So they go into the back and the mystic pulls out this wooden box, opens it up, and inside is a laquered wooden dildo with all kinds of strange symbols on it. He says, "this very special, it voodoo dick", and seeing that the man was unimpressed, turned to the wooden member and says, "voodoo dick! Door!" And the wooden schmeckle floated up out of it box, zipped over the door, and pounded on it until it was only splinters, at which point he said, "very important! say 'voodoo dick! Box!' to get it to stop".
The man, now *thoroughly* impressed, buys the item, runs home to his wife, and tells her, "honey! Sweetie! I got you this magic dildo, it's called a voodoo dick! All you do is say 'voodoo dick! ... and then whatever you want it to fuck, and it'll fuck it!" (i know... such crass language... 😵 bit we did agree he was a truck driver...)
She looked at him incredulously, but thanked him and kissed him goodbye, and before the evening was through she started feeling really, *really* bothered. Before very long she decided to give the voodoo dick a try, so she takes the lid off and says, " voodoo dick! pussy!" And it pleasures her for *hours* and *hours* until she's so satisfied and exhausted she could almost pass out asleep... ... at which point she realizes her husband hadn't told her how to make it stop. Eventually, out of sheer desperation, she gets in her car to drive to the hospital. And the voodoo dick is still going, so she's swerving. and speeding, and blowing through red lights, and eventually she's pulled over.
She explains about the voodoo dick to the cop, who isn't even a little bit amused, and to which he replies, " voodoo dick my ass!"...
Most Helpful Girl
Do you speak English?
- Three to five times a week.
No, no... I mean male or female?
- Yes, male, female, sometimes dolphin.
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
But isn't that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- No, no! Deer runs too fast...
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