Do you like this poem?

My first draft of a poem... Tell me what you think snd how can I get better.

I trusted you with all my heart. But you were nothing but a perfect art, manipulating me with your skillful ways, sent me to the river of shame. Locked in a car that symbolizes madness. Hoping one day I'll see the love and joy I deserve. Now I am drowning at the bottom of the lake, trusting you was a big mistake.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Vapid, angsty Tumblrina whining that seems to pay no regard to meter or any other poetic standard.

    On the bright side, you have a promising future as one of Taylor Swift's songwriters.


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What Girls & Guys Said

  • I think it can benefit by you going deeper into your emotions, and the hurt of it. When you started the lock ed in the car sentence it lossed its flow. The sentence after that can be revised also. You want to make it as mentally visible as possible. Overall you got skill and potential. I like the concept and see where you are going.

    • Yeah I'm writing this as a charchter from a anime called eased. The main kid in the story got drowned In a frozen lake and I was put in a...
      Yeah you know where this is going.

  • its good.


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