What do you think of this story idea? Would you read about it?

A young assassin in a post apocalyptic future. Super power nations are crippled and are basically barely functioning societies. And the main characters organization is mostly to blame.

They take in recruits at a young age, typically without their consent, or the consent of the family. Their tradition states, that if an individual is born on certain days, or rather nights, of the year, then they were destined to become assassins of their brotherhood. Throughout the world, they scour for these 'children of darkness' kill every trace of their families, kidnap and begin training and brainwashing them.

Most attempts to subjugate new members go off without a hitch, kids are easy to mold. However, such was not the case of Khol'yat (or simple Cole). He was trained by a particular assassin, one well versed in the ways of the sword. Cole did not take to the sword like his stepfather, but he became an effective assassin none the less. His skill is in the gun, not the blade.

And so, Cole has endured every gruesome or morbid task set before him by his masters. Deep doen he despises it, but at the same time, he's learned to except it. He's killed corrupt cops, politicians, terrorist leaders, corporate fat-cats, even children are not safe from him, as long as the contract calls for it.

Cole does not believe in unnecessary killing, unlike the brotherhood he was adopted into. They worship a dark entity known as the serpent, and believe tnat every person they kill, a soul is sent to this unholy darkness. Thus, the brotherhood kills at every chance they get, they revel in the act of murder.

But not Cole, he is merely fullfuling a contract. Now, at the end of his career, the brotherhood has fallen into civil war, two sides vying for control. He fights for the rightful founder against a weathly family corrupt to the core. Allied with one of his enemies, he must not only assassinate the entire dynasty of the other side, he must track down a woman how has an artifact of great power.


Most Helpful Girl

  • So can you just go ahead and hurry up writing this story. I was oddly intrigued and upset that's all you shared. I'd like bi-weekly updates and I need an autographed copy of a first edition (out of your first box) once in production. Kthnx!

    • 😮 i did not expect this much positivity. My goodness i have work to do, don't I? I've never published anything before, but im hoping to figure it out soon.

    • Well here's a first time for everything. It's 2017... time to turn a new leaf my friend. Just know I'll be here holding you accountable for this story-writing. 😁

Most Helpful Guy

  • I see a few flaws in the story.

    No functioning superpowers or not, if such an organisation were to exist, they'd be hunted by everyone since they're essentially an enemy to everyone if they kidnap kids from all around the world.

    Also, is this set in a modern time period or more ancient one? No one in their right mind would use swords when guns are around. They'd all use guns with hand knives being the CQC weapon of chouice, but not swords.

    You want the world to be with barely functioning governents - well look at some failed African or middle eastern states - no swords are used there. Every ISIS member and every member of one African military junta or another has firearms. There is just no way these assassins can exist and not be wiped out by someone with a head on their shoulders and a bunch of well armed men. Swords could perhaps come in handy on a night time assassination run, but if your compound is attacked in the middle of the day with tanks, artillary and airplanes (which third world countries do have, albeit outdated), there is not much you can do with an army that trains mostly with the sword.

    • Ah interesting. Thank you for pointing all that out. While i agree, there are some things i didn't put into this, like the fact there are supernatural elements at play, including the swordmans who has a gift with his blade. Also, he is not afraid to use guns.

      Also, i didn't mention that they are being hunted, mainly by two other organizations, one which is a long time enemy of there's. And just to be clear, no one except that enemy actually knows they caused the "end of the world" crisis.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Sounds great! Are you writing it on wattpad?

    • Unfortunately not. I have had a desire to join on there, but I've been told i should at try to get published before putting it online completely for free. But i may still join at some point and post something.

What Guys Said 1

  • Wow, that sounds amazing! I would like to read that book!

    • Thank you very much! Its nice to hear someone say that. I'm working on this one as a side project, while i finish up a different story.

    • If you ever finish this story. Make sure that you send it to me. I would love to read it!