What do you think about this poem I wrote?


This year is another stage of life for me, after finishing college last year I am soon going to start working. Many things changed, I ended a 3 years LDR and I am now seeking for new goals.

AFTER A SUN

With my laptop I travel around the world

typing words in Google, using Chrome,

and in its virtual space I haven’t found

the liberty I am longing.

Yes, I found glare in my Wonderwall eyes,

yes, I was fooled by the soon promise

of looking at them fading and blooming beside mines.

I don’t regret finding in causality the wonder I yearn.


I’m going to disconnect soon

and value the green leaves of the trees,

those greens, those wilted leaves,

near to drop, dropping

to where they came from.

I’m going to go outside,

be part of a grain of sand,

been like an ant

backing a leaf to its colony,

getting a job done.

I am going to walk my way

having a question mark tattooed in scattered clouds.

However, whenever, I am going after a sun.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Very nice. You wrote this feeling, and it shows.
    You have some great lines in there:
    "With my laptop I travel around the world
    [...]
    and in its virtual space I haven’t found
    the liberty I am longing."
    I think we can all relate to that.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • its giving out the beauty that i like in poem..
    "The road not taken"
    "Leisure"

    but maybe its just me that cannot connect your technological lines with nature..
    i would have absolutely loved it if it had more words generating a rhyme
    other wise i liked it very much..

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    • I sometimes try to connect technology with nature. It's difficult to find that perfect match between both.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • Very good. I Iomega it a lot 👍

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  • Oh wow it's actually really good, I totally didn't expect something like this.
    Nice job!
    Keep writing, I'd love to hear more of your work!

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  • Very nice. do u do open mic nights? u should invest in it

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  • very well said you are genius

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  • It's really nice

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  • the first part is really week

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    • Week in what sense? And why are you anonymous? o_O

      I don't mind been criticize.

What Guys Said 4

  • I like it. It matches the present well. The people living their lives. Reading it, I feel like I'm sitting on a swing on my terrace, watching the sun set. You may not have intended it so, but it is quite beautiful. 😌

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  • Its amazing but i can't really rhyme though i know not all poems have a rhyme scheme

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  • Beautiful.

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  • 10/10

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