Help with song lyrics?

Help me make these better?

Verse 1:
The way you looked at me when you left
Broke me just enough for me to stay
Then I saw your true colours
And there’s nothing left for me to lose

Chorus:
I tried to keep you from hurt
But ended up hurting myself
So I had to let you go
And hurt you one last time

Verse 2:
The way you spoke to me when you left
Was enough to keep me close
Then I heard all of your lies
And I cannot make you change your ways

Chorus

Verse 3:
The way played me when you left
Made me feel like the one at fault
Then I found out who you are
And I wish I could take back all our days

Chorus

Bridge:
I picked you up when you were down then you push me away
I did everything for you, and you don’t know what to say
I was blind but now I see why people say things about you
How can I give anymore when there’s nothing to give for?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd say make verse two and/or three longer, or take out chorus between two or three. Otherwise you have a lot of chorus together and that can get repetitive.
    Lyrics wise it's kinda hard to say what's "best" for the song because you don't really have a rhyme scheme or a rhythm (at least a posted rhythm)

    If you had notation to go with it I could probably help more : D

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    • I wasn’t really trying to write with a rhyming scheme as I find rhymes sometimes feel forced and are cliche. I will agree about removing the chorus between verses 2&3 though

    • I know you weren't, that's why I didn't include changing any words. Most lyrical problems only happen if you're rhyming. If you have notation to go with it though I'd love to see it, rhythm is very important when it comes to writing.

    • I don’t have any notation (yet), I literally just put down the words a little while ago and am planning to write a melody and everything later and adjust the phrases accordingly

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What Girls Said 1

  • Is it your music?
    I loved
    I'd really loved to hear this music
    Let me know when you publish or something like that ^^

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What Guys Said 0

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