What do you think of my story so far?

What do you think of my story so far?

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28

Most Helpful Girl

  • Ehh, I think there are a few flaws, for example 'complete and absolute' being in the same sentence as 'pure and absolute'. The sentences run-on far too long but at the same time, everything is rushed. One line, there's total, mind-numbing fear and the next, she's managed to calm herself down by a few deep breaths. Not really the way it works and it doesn't give the reader time to take in the full effect.

    The whole thing about 'I immediately recognise... my captor and the sick man' is blah. You've given away the information about the character. Rather than demonstrate all that through his actions and the context of things he says, you've given it to the audience and it robs some of the significance of the moment. Show rather than tell, don't just hand out information as easily as that because it's boring.

    The last paragraph suffers from the same stuff as the first really. It's all over so suddenly and leaves no emotional impact at all. It's rushed, as if you just wanted to get this section over with and didn't take the time or care to invest effort into it.

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    • Thank you so much for your input! I appreciate it a lot and will definitely revise and take your advice!

    • No problem! Please don't think I'm being overly harsh, your writing isn't bad at all and I definitely think the story seems interesting, I just would probably do some tweaking to it if I were you. I don't think it sucks or anything though :P

    • Oh no not at all! Tips and advice like you gave are very useful and helpful when writing a story. Yes, I definitely will do some revising and editing. Thank you😊

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