Most Helpful Girl
Ehh, I think there are a few flaws, for example 'complete and absolute' being in the same sentence as 'pure and absolute'. The sentences run-on far too long but at the same time, everything is rushed. One line, there's total, mind-numbing fear and the next, she's managed to calm herself down by a few deep breaths. Not really the way it works and it doesn't give the reader time to take in the full effect.
The whole thing about 'I immediately recognise... my captor and the sick man' is blah. You've given away the information about the character. Rather than demonstrate all that through his actions and the context of things he says, you've given it to the audience and it robs some of the significance of the moment. Show rather than tell, don't just hand out information as easily as that because it's boring.
The last paragraph suffers from the same stuff as the first really. It's all over so suddenly and leaves no emotional impact at all. It's rushed, as if you just wanted to get this section over with and didn't take the time or care to invest effort into it.0THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE