I have been doing improv in acting for 13 years and still can't do it?

Anonymous
I wanna make this quick as possible because I'm in drama class right now and I'm gonna perform in 20 minutes... I really can't handle this... I have social anxiety, my thoughts are everywhere. I've been doing acting for 13 years, screenactors and plays infront of audiences.. even monologues. EVEN SANG IN FRONT OF PEOPLE
But it seems that no matter how much experience I have.. it doesn't matter, I'm still a nervous mess. My main issue is that when I try to improvise, my intrusive thoughts get in the way and I end up saying something so weird it makes everyone cringe. I also can't verbalize anything. Which is why I rely on my script so much and lines, I try to remember them to their specific intent.
I can't handle improvising lines, it feels so wrong. It isn't what I wrote so it doesn't feel good at all.

For example if I have to remember the lines "Hello how are ya doing my dudes is every kay brosif?" I'll remember when I improv "How are you doing dudes everything kay hello... brosif" or "brosif you doing how"

like I can't form sentences together well at all.. because I'm so fking nervous... how many assumptions will be made about me by all those people, what if what I'm saying makes no sense. I don't want to do this. But it really sucks cause I am good at improvising when it comes to freestyle rapping and making up song lyrics on the spot.. but not with anything else, especially not in front of people.

Why am I like this after so many god damn years of practice.. why am I still so anxious when I go on stage.. why do I care so much about what others think even though I KNOW they will get over it in a day and I know that they worry about their performances over mine. It still just feels wrong to disappoint those that actually believe in me.. and I know I can do better but It always goes wrong
Updates:
4 mo
By the way I am not 14.. I just didn't consider any of my recent drama things I've done as experience.. I havnt done improv for years... but now I have to do it again... I'm in highschool I really can't handle this.

- I can't do improv because I can't verbalize my thoughts without it sounding weird
- I don't like showing my weird side to strangers
- I don't like people making assumptions about me
- I can't focus on the story or plot because of my anxiety
4 mo
- I am aware that they will get over it and worry more about their own performances
- I don't care if mean people hate it. I care about disappointing my kind teacher and my kind friends
- I am crying right now
- I feel weak if I don't do the performance but I feel uncomfortable doing it
- I've had lots of experience in acting but still can't handle it.. wtf is going on
I have been doing improv in acting for 13 years and still can't do it?
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