Choose the funniest tweet... and can you beat it?

AmandaYVR
Vote on your favourite.
(I did not write these. They're just a collection of random peoples' that I like.)

If you think you can do better, write one of your own. I'll still choose the winners based on my taste, but everyone feel free to upvote them if you like them.
Choose the funniest tweet... and can you beat it?
Choose the funniest tweet... and can you beat it?
Choose the funniest tweet... and can you beat it?
Choose the funniest tweet... and can you beat it?
Choose the funniest tweet... and can you beat it?
Choose the funniest tweet... and can you beat it?
Choose the funniest tweet... and can you beat it?
"You should see the other guy. Specifically how good at fighting he is."
Vote A
"I wish I had a British accent so I could sound cool when I return these women’s pants I accidentally bought."
Vote B
"Wow, my Netflix won't work due to a payment error. Geez mom, get your shit together."
Vote C
"When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple “calm down” in a soothing voice is alll it takes to get her a lot upset."
Vote D
"Wifi at my uncle’s funeral is a fucking joke."
Vote E
"Accidentally ate a ball of wasabi the size of a marble and now I can smell math."
Vote F
"I think I'll save these pain killers for when I'm feeling better."
Vote G
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
GirlGuy
Choose the funniest tweet... and can you beat it?
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