Why is my best friend ignoring me?

This girl and I met online about 7 years ago, she lives in England and I live in the States. We've been good friends much of that time and sorted through a lot of issues together. We usually only get to talk once every few months but we make up for it when we do get the chance. Then all the sudden for no apparent reason she goes totally off the face of the earth. No email, no phone calls, no letters and no warning. We stayed up to midnight talking on her birthday, laughing and having fun and then she's just gone. She wasn't even mad at me.

It has been nine months, I've emailed her several times about this after it became clear it wasn't just the normal waiting period and have received no response of any kind. I then tried looking on social networking websites, and found accounts that I'm pretty sure are her's on MySpace and Facebook and sent messages to those accounts and received no reply, even to tell me that I had the wrong account or wrong person which seems to confirm to me that those are her accounts.

So, what am I to think? Is she mad at me and too irresponsible to tell me up front that she doesn't like me anymore? Does she 'like' me and is playing some twisted game of 'hard to get'. I would think if she just wanted me gone she'd write me a short note saying to leave her alone, or block me on msn, or have a mutual friend rely the message to me. I'm not some freaky stalker, I've told her repeatedly in my emails if she doesn't like me anymore to just tell me so we can part ways with some sense of decorum. But she has sent nothing back, like I said it is as if she just disappeared. The only reason I haven't called across the pond to the British Police to do a wellness check at this point is the accounts I found on MySpace and Facebook and an update on her windows live profile.

So am I being crazy, is my behavior out of line or am I doing what any concerned friend would do? Most of all, why is she doing this to me, I'm leaving for basic training in the U.S. Army in a matter of months and I'd rather not have this on my mind, I'd hate to think that she'd just let me go off to war without telling me the truth or at least giving me the courtesy of saying goodbye, however briefly.

Is this normal behavior for a girl, am I being insecure? Or is she being unfairly non-communicative? Most of all, why would she just ignore me for this long?


Most Helpful Guy

  • It seems very strange that she didn't even say goodbye. Maybe something happened to her? Was your friendship very close or just a casual chat every few months when bored type of friendship?

    • Pretty close, we shared all of our secrets and we depended on each other for support in the rough patches. We talked about two months or so, but we made up for it when we did. She stayed up to midnight talking to me on her birthday, if I was just the random guy to keep her amused I doubt she'd spend 4 hours talking to me in IM on her birthday. Also last fall when she was having problems she said I was the only one she dould turn to. It seems so odd to just totally disappear after being so close.

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    • Well I'm as sure as I can be, she has a rather exotic name for where she lives and an electic taste in music and the pictures are unmistakably her, so I'm sure that the profiles on MySpace and Facebook are hers unless I have some freak stalker who is creating fake profiles of her. And I'm pretty sure she's ignoring my emails because I know she's been online to create the Facebook and MySpace pages and the message I sent to her MySpace account says that it has been "read". So I'm pretty sure...

    • Ah right, in that case I'd probably just leave it. She may come back, she may not. I know people can get busy at times but 9 months without even a word is a bit strange.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Perhaps she shares her password and the other person on the account has been deleting things you have sent. Maybe, she's going through a depression and doesn't want to talk to anybody. Maybe she is/was mad at you for some reason unknown to you, and jus decided to block you and keep you out of her life. Maybe she's on vacation. There are a million possible reasons why she is ignoring you but no one except she can tell you what's up. Sorry she won't talk to you, maybe you should just leave her alone. I have a friend who, if you get in a fight with her and try to apologize or try to hang out, she'll hate you and not want to be friends with you ever again, but if you ignore her, she'll eventually come back and want to be friends again. I say, just give her space, and she'll come back on her terms, if she doesn't, well, I'm sorry that you lost a friend. I hope everything works out for you!

    • That's the thing though, she didn't block me, that was one of my first thought, I tested the idea and found she hadn't. I was her go to guy whenever she was depressed before so that doesn't make any sense either. But you are right, only she knows what is going on. I'm just trying to get a sense of how common this kind of behavior is for girls, so as to decide whether I should accept it as being part of her nature, or see her as being an unhealthy influence.

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    • No I don't, calling internationally was out of both of our price range so we never bother to exchange numbers, though I did give her mine just in case. I would be perfectly fine with her moving on, lots of people do and if she has a boyfriend more power to her. But I'd have thought simple goodbye was in order after 7 years of friendship, I'm guessing most girls would at least say goodbye right?

    • Yeah, but then some of us are crazy Lol. Maybe you will, you can never tell wahts going to happen in the furture.

  • Very strange coincidence, but I also have a friend in England of the opposite sex and I live in the states as well, so I can actually see where you're coming from in a sense. Sometimes he and I go for a long time without talking, there was a while when he couldn't pay for his internet anymore and I didn't know it. I was a bit worried myself and thought he was ignoring me but he finally found a way to contact me from someone else's house. However, since no two situations are the same I'm going to have to agree with the other comments and say that you can't know until you hear it from her. You know her better than anyone else could, what was your last conversation like? I would start there before assuming anything (not that I would advise assuming anything in either case).

    • Yeah, I thought that she was just ill or something until the I found the MySpace and Facebook profiles and she added someone to her windows live network. So I know she's been online and is just ignoring me, what I do not know is why, if she just hates me why not block me, or tell me to get lost? Unless I hurt her somehow, broke her heart god forbid or caused her distress in some way that I am totally unaware of and this is some form of revenge, or she just can't handle talking to me. It is odd.

  • If your best friend is ignoring you, first of all, I am a woman and women don't ignore each other!

    But men are f**king crazy and they aren't as bright. If he ignores u, he is like all other men, stupid, asshole! I think you should get a sexy date, almost as sexy as me, if you could imagine!

    Then, keep having sex with that date until your "friend" gets jealous...

    -boob lady

    • Not really very helpful, if I have to play manipulative games and hurt some other girl by sleeping with her without meaning it, just to keep my friend in my life better to just let her go. That is just not who I am...

  • well I'm in this trouble now but has a little bit difference I delete him last month and I knew him for 2 years and then he never thought about messaging me well he wanted to leave but I left and he didn't tell me why and I didn't ask why but I think I knew why so I don't need to ask but what confused me that why he told me that he likes me more then a friend then after that he acted like he don't care about me and I knew he does but what confused me why he claims that he don't care about me after all that days and conversations.

    now if he messaged me I'd message him back but after two or three days because I really want him back so maybe your girl has died or something happened to her but if you saw her posts in her wall on Facebook then you can say she doesn't want to contact you anymore,

    • There must be a pretty strong level of hatred or resentment hor her to not even say goodbye though, most girls I know would at least tell me to get lost, I just don't understand the silent treatment for nine months. It seems excessive to say the least and I'd think she'd at least block me or send me a short email telling me that we are through. It's crazy and if we hadn't been so close I wouldn't be bothered, but we were very close and I don't want to write her off unless she just hates me.

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