My son's fiance is cheating on him, should I tell him?

Both she and my son are 25 and have been together for just over 9 years. and are getting married in 3 weeks. I received an e-mail from someone who has sent me evidence that she and his BFF they have been seeing each other every other day for about 4 months. Most of the time it happens it when he's out of town town or at work. I know that she cheated on him last night. I have NO idea how to handle this. Hey Parents out there as a Mom , should I say anything to my son or just let it work itself out and he will figure it out soon enough?

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I've had this info for about 3 months now and is wondering to tell him or email it.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Normally I wouldn't advocate immediately getting involved. I don't know what kind of evidence you have, but I would prefer for you to have extremely solid, indisputable proof of cheating before recommending letting your son know.

    However, if they are going to be married in three weeks, you need to show him whatever the evidence is now. He can decide if it's good enough or not, but divorce these days wrecks men, so you need to do whatever you can to protect him (and your future grandchildren) from that. Not to mention all the consequences that can come from adultery such as sexually transmitted diseases and him unknowingly raising another man's child (ren).

    It will be rough, but if she's doing this right before the wedding, I would guess she probably doesn't want to get married and is taking the selfish way out.

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    • @update

      If it's been going on for at least 4 months, and you've had the evidence for this long, chances are he isn't going to figure it out before the wedding in 3 weeks. I would recommend telling him in person but have all of the evidence with you so he can go through it right away and have you there to discuss it with. Who knows how he will handle it, but he'll definitely need you there to provide a third party point of view.

Most Helpful Girl

  • that's how i broked up with my ex i knew he was cheating had evidence he was cheating so i confronted him so he moves out and lives with his newer girlfriend... i said no to the question... so if i could do it again i wouldn't confront him and just throw him out... because once he cheats there's no going back... he may love but not 100% you want to find someone who loves you 100% not 75% but the 100%... financially you may need him and that's the hard part... but if you don't even easier... and it's tough and disappointing but you can't linger in dispair either.

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What Guys Said 140

  • "Son, you're fiance is cheating on you so call off the wedding. You'll thank me later."

    Otherwise, they'll get married, she'll pop out a kid or two, then cheat again, and it will all blow up, and he'll be paying for kids he never sees being raised by a string of other guys in and out the house he paid for.

    Sure.

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    • Exactly , he will be bled dry by an unfeeling leech !!

    • On update...
      Email? Ya gotta be kidding me. Dear god, sit down with your son and have a heart to heart - you OWE it to him. Do it NOW.

    • Oh, and by the way, it's likely he already knows and they've already worked it out, so you'll be the asshole for bringing it up. Either that or he's completely snowed and will never figure it out or admit it. At least if you let him know it's on him and you can be done with it.
      Yes, cheating partners sometimes hang in there - relationships are complicated.

      If you really think he doesn't know you might start the convo with questions. Like, "how well do you know this girl? Do you ever suspect she's stepping out on you?" You'll get a 'I know' or a 'WTF'.

      But quit putting it off - this stuff does not get better with time unless it's already known. And then he'll tell you and you'll know for sure he's an idiot that you can't help. We all have to do our best, YOU and him.

  • Ordinarily, I would say to leave the situation alone because your son will probably get defensive and not believe you. However, with a wedding in three weeks, I don't think you can afford to not take action.

    Consider going to his fiancee and advising her of the evidence you have received. Tell her that she can call off the wedding without explanation or reveal the details to your son and allow him to decide whether to call off the wedding (and I can't imagine that he would want to proceed to marry her.) Tell her that if she does neither of those, you will provide the evidence to your son, and she has only 4 hours to make that decision. Of course, if telling her in advance will allow her to cover her tracks and convince your son that it never happened, then you should not tell her in advance but merely go straight to your son with the evidence. Emphasize that you did not initiate any investigation or solicit the evidence because there is a tendency to "shoot the messenger" in these situations.

    Of course, your son also needs to know that his best friend is not a friend at all.

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  • If I as a faithful individual was to be married to a cunt my mom knew fucked me over cause I've wasted 9 years with a hoe I would hope "MY MOTHER WHOM LOVES ME" would save me from wasting my life.

    Considering you have to ask this screams you're weak. Which means your son is an insult i will not say. Which means... go ahead and tell him, let him get upset, then go to the wedding cause he doesn't have it in him to leave that hoe. At least show him so you can know how he feels about his bitch. Then forgive and love that bitch if he does.

    You're his guardian. He's not living your second life he lives his own as you yours. Meaning you open his eyes to the world when he's blinded by the light. You guide him through ish you don't make decisions you support him through his. If he leaves her love him hard cause he's going to be broken unless he's a much stronger man than i think based on your asking this question. If he was super strong i feel you would just tell him cause you would have your confidence in him. It appears as if you don't... so, yeah.

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  • Once it all comes out (which it will) think about how your son would feel knowing that you, his MOTHER, knew about it and stayed silent. If it were me I would be extremely angry with my mom.
    You don't have to go into a whole big thing, just say that you "hey you really need to blah blah something to put him in a position where he finds out about their bullshit. Frankly your son has to be a little clueless to not suspect ANYTHING considering it's his best friend. Ugh what a fucking mess.

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  • I think you should ask yourself whether you can live with yourself knowing your son is happily married to a cheater who has no regret sleeping with your own sons best friend. If the evidence you have is strong enough you could consider telling his fiance that if she doesn't tell him herself you will. Im not a parent, but id want my mother to tell me this.

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  • Your first loyalty is to your son. If you know for a fact that his fiancee is cheating on him then you owe it to your son to tell him (as painful as that may be). It would be a double blow to him if he found out later that you knew and allowed him to keep wandering in the dark.

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  • If you have indisputable evidence you absolutely should tell him. If not, he’ll go into a marriage that failed before it began. Now, think about this, your son finds out later that she’s cheating. How much heartache will he suffer? And let’s just say that he finds out that you knew but didn’t tell him. How would that make him feel and how would you feel? And wouldn’t you consider this a fail on your part?

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    • Don’t email him. I think it’s not only impersonal it’s irrisponsible. What if he reads it and goes and does something stupid? But, you’re his mom and know him best. Put yourself in his shoes. What would he prefer?

  • Close this app and tell him immediately! This is the biggest decision of his life and it's already over - he just doesn't know it yet. The only thing keeping it to yourself will do is put him through a divorce and destroy your relationship with him

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  • Sorry but wtf? Why on earth would you be tempted to hang on to this for three months? Think about it this way: what do you think he would say to you if he found out you've know for this long and didn't tell him? If he would be happy with you then that's my bad and feel free to continue hiding it. However, I highly doubt he's gonna feel that way and would probably be angry at not being told. Do you and him both a favor and let him know. In person is probably a better idea than email.

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  • Yes you should tell him while he's still not married.. It'll hurt but it's best just to be honest and not have him go through some ish wit Divorce.. Lol.. As his momma.. Just tell him... Like other's have said.. Make sure you got the evidence wit you..

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  • Why are you not saving it from becoming a bigger leagal issue when he is a married. Stop it before it gets any further. Why is it even a question. Protect your son and do whats right. Its ok there is no easy way about it but it needs to be done. I will keep your family in my prayers. I pray for the best.

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    • Tell him in person and show him your proof. Handle the situation with extra love and care. Understand he may get uoset but DO NOT take it personal. Stay kind and supportive and love on your son. He will be losing not just his girl but a best friend who he thought he could trust with his girl. Dont blow your teust too by not telling him. He is already going to have enough trust issues after this. Keep the love flowing to him. Your his mom. Prayers for strength and wisdom flowing your way.

  • Do tell him. However that is only if you have enough evidence to back yourself up, otherwise he'll think you're just trying to separate them out of selfishness and that would have the complete opposite effect. You only have one chance at this so make a good argument.

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  • I would suggest not to tell him immediately. It might have a huge impact on him.
    Try contacting the girl's parents and show them the evidence and ask for an explanation. Or confront the girl yourself. You never know, proof can be tampered. Maybe the proof you received is made to look as if she were cheating on him.
    Do some investigation yourself or ask your son's friends to do some digging in the matter. If you find her guilty then definitely let your son know about it.

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  • I was being cheated on by my girlfriend of 4 1/2 years. I found out 2 weeks after I called her dad to ask if i could buy her a ring. I only wish that I found out sooner so yes please tell him for his sake.

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    • How did you find out?

    • Show All
    • 7d

      I didn't really care enough anymore to ask... I actually thanked him... for showing that she wasn't faithful but still haven't spoken to him since

    • 7d

      Good job and never speak to him again

  • You tell your son face to face.
    (Why didn't you do it sooner?)
    If this has been going on for four months, he's not going go miraculously figure it out in the next three weeks.

    Alternative action:

    Tell and show the girl that you know and to call off the wedding in 3 days. If she doesn't, then you tell/show your son the truth.

    What this does is spare your son of the truth (unless she tells it) and minimizes drama.

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  • How awful, and this by someone you have no doubt known for a long time and liked. You definitely should tell him. What he does with that information is up to him.

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  • You MUST tell him , as once he is married , she will be able to take most of his stuff , with the backing of the state , she WILL keep cheating , once a cheater , always a cheater. Yes , it will be a very difficult conversation , he must be told , and he needs to bin her NOW , before she unleashes a tsunami of misery upon him , she sounds very black hearted and cruel , cheating with his bestie makes it even worse , he needs to cut both of them out of his life... FAST !!

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    • If it was my son or daughter , when they are grown up , I would do as I posted as quickly as possible.

  • Tell him fuck that dumb slut 😡I hate cheaters I have had to deal with 3 of my girlfriends cheating on me so I don’t want anyone cheating on anybody is wrong and disgusting

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  • If I found out that my mother knew and she didn't tell me, I'd never see her or speak to her again. I'd probably slap her too, I'd be that livid. Slap the piss out of her and never see her again.

    If you keep that cheating whore's secret, you're betraying your son worse than she is.

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  • I tell absolutely. Why would you keep such life changing, crucial information from your son? Pass it on anonymously if you are scared of him knowing it is you that is telling him but he 100% ABSOLUTELY deserves to know this.

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  • U r the mom and you have all rights to do that.

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  • Normally I tell people to mind their own business, but not in this case. If they are gf/bf I'd say not to say anything. If they are already married I'd say not to say anything. But in this case it's your son and he's getting ready to make the biggest commitment in his life to a cheater.

    Having said that, do you KNOW for a fact that she is cheating? You said evidence not proof. Also, was this anonymous? If so it makes me wonder if this came from the guy she's cheating with, and he wants her for himself.

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  • FUCK YEAH!
    DONT LET HIM MARRY THAT SLAG!!!
    meet him in person if possible if not call him and tell him and i would make sure that she is there when you do it and that you have the proof with you so she can't deny it.
    sorry this happened. im sure your son deserves WAAAAY better than her

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  • TELL HIM BEFORE THE WEDDING!!! He's going to find out one day, so it's better you tell him now, so he doesn't lose half of his stuff due to divorce and doesn't have to find out on his own. Be there for him and show emotional support, but I think it will be ultimately worse if he found out himself and then finds out that you, his own mother knew the whole time.

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  • That is a tough one
    Interfering in other people's relationships is a deadly quagmire and can cause all sorts of problems beyond the original problem
    If you told him he might not believe you and would causes rift between you or perhaps he would forgive it which you in turn may resent or he breaks up with her but will in part blame you for bringing it to light...
    Perhaps the best would be to talk to her tell her to confess herself
    Either that or stay out of it entirely

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  • Yes. Let him decide what he wants to do. It may not be your business. However, if my mother knew that my fiance/wife/girlfriend cheated on me and she knew, I would think/hope she would tell me. Me and my mother have a better relationship than most. I trust my mother to let me know of such things.

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    • People typically get upset with brutal truths. But they have to be said and known.

  • From the sons perspective. I think a sit down with the girlfriend and the BFF first may solve the issue. If not yes I would want to know but I would suggest doing it "on the side" so to speak... Like take away his phone and his keys while he's at you house so he will be forced to take some time to rationalize it instead of emotionally flipping a shit and possibly making the problem worse.

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    • If you are going to tell him (which you should) I suggest talking with him in person (more specifically as I had said in my previous post so he has time to think it through)

  • Yes, you have to tell him.

    He needs to be fully in the picture before the wedding. Imagine how he'd feel if he found out you knew and had never told him.

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  • IF you know, without a single doubt. then Yeah.. But anonymously. Your son is going to be hurt, and you might take the brunt of that hurt, you, he might even accuse you of being petty and hurtful.. Be prepared. BE SURE... its going to crush him... As a Father, I would confront the Best Buddy.. ( My Friend had an affair with my exwife, I can tell you about being crushed) Bu I would stay CLEAR OF HIS WIFE TO BE. She'll will only make an enemy of you and and her husband might choose to rally behind her..

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    • What did you do when you found out what was their justification for betraying you?

    • I never got a justification, but I was accused publicly of shit that was so outlandish.. Shit that i find hard to even repeat even today, amazing lies, to make there deeds less horrible.

  • Yes tell him, unless you like the idea of having him be completely humiliated, taken advantage of and maybe having a grandchild that isn't even related to you.

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What Girls Said 81

  • I’ve been the one to tell someone of cheating before, and I have also unknowingly become the other woman and told the victim party- both times it was exactly the right thing to do.

    He’s your son, you’re on his side- this woman, and this friend who he trusts are shitting on him. Yes, finding out will be heartbreaking, but far less so than if he finds out immediately before the wedding, on the wedding day, or after. The wedding, when then a messy and expensive divorce could come into play- and on top of that knowing his mother knew and didn’t tell him.

    Personally, I would sit him down, show him the email and any other evidence you have, tell him you love him and he has your support, console him, and then help him work out what he wants to do. He may snap at you at first, but damage control now for all of your sakes, physically, emotionally and financially is the best measure.

    Don’t go to his fiancé, whatever you do, don’t give her the power. She’s clearly shown herself as dishonest, and your son could still end up with a broken heart, or worse, she’ll get better at hiding her misdemeanours and lie to you too.

    It sounds like your 100% sure of what’s going on, but if any doubts are possible, be gentle, and he’ll most likely know you have his best interests at heart.
    Hell then be able to ask her himself, or pull a blinder like this one https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yDK3Ba5SM3Q

    Lightheartedness aside- I was crushed when I found out people knew an ex partner of mine was cheating and didn’t tell me, it makes you feel so foolish, on top of betrayed.
    The people who are telling you to tell him anonymously, this is sadly very wrong- someone emailed you and knows you know, he could also see this post, and he’d think you kept it from you- he has to be told, and it has to come kindly from you- I know you don’t want to hurt him, but her behaviour has made this inevitable, and it isn’t you causing the hurt, remember that.

    It’s a super shitty situation, and I’m sorry for that, but you have to be strong a rip off the bandaid.

    I’ve made the mistake of not telling someone once, and it just worsens and reverberates with venom.

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  • They're going to get married then She's going to get pregnant, then there's gonna be a 50% chance the child is his... but he'll never know and then you'll have a grandchild who you'll doubt is even yours. finally 27 years later he'll find out only 1 of those 3 beautiful kids is actually his and he would have spent the better part of his life with a woman who quiet frankly eats hotdogs daily. He'll become a very broken man, get addicted to the bottle, throw away his life and his carer and it will all happen if you dont tell your son what you found and what youve known.

    im not saying ambush the guy by jumping up and screaming "your wife is fucking your best friend!" but maybe just call him to your house ASAP and show him the email you got and tell him you love and support him and tell him about the suspicions you've had.

    moms know a lot and us kids love you guys to death but if we feel you're attacking us rather than letting us calmly think of things on our own then we sometimes just jump into doing shit that would have saved us a lot of heartache

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  • Ask him if there's a reason other than cheating that you may have received this, then show him what you have. Don't assume you know for sure. Just ask and let him decide what to do.

    Be suspicious. If the person has the proof, why drag you into it and not just take it to your son, unless there is a desire to create drama? If there is a desire to create drama, is there enough desire to create falsehood?

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  • YES. You would feel so terrible seeing them get married and knowing that she cheated on him and didn’t say anything about it. It’s like you’re allowing him to get into this huge mistake. Of course he’ll be upset when he finds out and it’ll hurt so badly, but it’s better in the long run and saves him even more pain and time than if they got married and had to go through divorce.

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  • It’s cheaper to split now than get a divorce. But don’t charge in accusatory, they may have an open relationship and are keeping it private. Discuss open relationships first then address the cheating. Doing it that way let’s them know you respect them as individuals if they do have an open relationship and it won’t damage your relationship with your son and potential future daughter-in-law.

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  • Of course you should tell!! BEFORE the wedding! Don't trap him in a relation where he isn't respected.

    He's your son, how do you need help to know what to do. He's your priority, why are you protecting her?

    You should tell him a fast as you can and let them solve their issues, but at least give him an opportunity to device to forgive or move on.

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  • Um fuck yeah tell him!! I mean my child is only five months but I would protect my baby from wasting her life on somebody who is a terrible person. Think about if they had children... How is this even a question? That's your BABY and someone is doing them wrong. I'd tell my son (if I had one) in a heartbeat!!!

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  • That's your son. As mothers it's our jobs to protect them. And protecting him doesn't mean allowing him to live in a fantasy that life is good and I'm about to marry what he thinks is his dream woman. You have evidence. At the very least he needs to see it. I would never forgive my mom if she kept something like that from me. Do the right thing.

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    • Damn straight. If he is cool with it then forget marriage and just keep dating.

  • How do you know it's an affair, romantic, sexual? How are you so sure and not meeting about something to do with him. You need to confront her and bff first and if it is inappropriate tell them they must come clean. But if you say something to your son and are wrong, he will hate you forever!!! A son is a son until he takes a wife and that starts long before the wedding day...

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  • I think its a must that your son knows. You dont want them to marry and then divorce. That would destroy him so you have 2 option. 1) if you know when she's about to cheat make sure you arrange it that your son catches her. Then they can decide themselves 2) sit them both down and show them the email that was sent to you and the proof as well.

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  • WTF is wrong with you? There is no questioning the matter. Of course you tell him before the wedding. It is your job to protect him and telling him will suck, but not as much as losing his money or family in a divorce. Imagine he has kids and then finds out (which he will). He will tear those poor hypothetical kids apart. And if he finds out you knew (which he will) there is a good chance he will never forgive you... what benefit is there to not telling him?

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  • Wow. And nobody is noticing how meddlesome it is of someone to stalk someone and then send e-mail of so-called evidence. Why does this sound like Regina George and the burn book to me. Time to look in the mirror, lady. You're nothing but a busybody.

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    • Huh?

    • In order for someone to e-mail you "proof" that someone is cheating, they must have done some following around i. e. stalk/ make a point of recording/photographing whatever it is they perceived as cheating. That in and of itself is suspect to me. It really means there's this person who is obviously obsessed with another person's (love) life and nosy enough to do something about it. That to me is obsessive and meddlesome. But the clue that really gives it away is why send it to you? Why not send it to the party affected directly? They are the only one who needs to know.

  • How is your relationship with your son and his fiancée? Was it good until you learned about the infidelity? If there was any animosity between you and his fiancée he might not believe you no matter how much evidence you show him.

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  • Blood is Thicker than Wishy Water.
    Yes, I think I would put a Bug in his Ear, Dear. I normally tell Many to Never involve Themselves in Monkey business like this, But when it Comes to your Own from Home, Silence is not always Golden, Mom. xxoo

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  • How is this even a question?
    If you love your son so much then it makes sense that any loving mother would want the best for their child. You need to inform your son ASAP about this. If you don't and he finds out elsewhere after the marriage that you knew the whole time, he's going to be devastated and lose all trust not only in relationships but in you also.

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  • Give your son the evidence and let him decide. He is about to make a life long commitment to someone that may not even give a damn about him. If you truly love someone, you will never EVER betray them.

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  • As a mom, your natural instinct is going to be to protect your son. I would tell him, but I would make sure I have clear, solid proof before I go to him. You can't be unsure about it because if there's even a chance of you being wrong, that'll just cause problems between you and him. But I definitely couldn't just sit on the information. Imagine if you don't say anything and it comes out and he finds out that you knew. He's gonna feel so betrayed.

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  • You should diffinitely tell him because if he finds out you knew he might feel betrayed (I know I would) and in away you are saying it's ok that she is cheating on him. He can also move on and find someone better.

    I do not mean for any of this to be offensive.

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  • I would give him the information quietly and privately and leave, making it clear you don’t have an opinion but it’s been sent to you and you want him to have all the information before moving forward

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  • Why is this even a question? Don't let him start a marriage where the person is already being unfaithful! If he's ready to get married, he needs to be able to make that decision with all the facts... and that's some pretty important information about the person he is planning on spending his life with. Give him what you know and he can decide what to do.

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  • A BIG YES! Meddling mothers are annoying but it depends on what they are meddling with
    This issue is serious that girl will ruin your son's life so go ahead and meddle, I would advice to confront the girl first and see what she says

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  • This is one of the few instances where I advocate getting involved. As a parent, your biggest responsibility is to protect your children. Whether that upsets them in the short run or not isn't really relevant.

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    • If you have a relationship with your soon to be daughter in law, you might give her the option of talking to her soon t be husband.

  • Of course you should! If you don’t your son is gonna Marry a biche and your grand babies, gonna have a biche as a mother!

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  • How are you sure that she is cheating? Hanging around with his best friend it can be just a friendly meeting ut doesn't mean anything at all. I was a close friend to my ex's BFF and I never ever cheated on him. I wouldn't trust someone who is just sending emails anonymously, there are plenty of people out there who are trying to end relationship's!
    But if you are SURE and you saw her with him doing intimate stuff then tell your sin without any doubt!!

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  • Does this proof confirm that sex was happening? Or that they were just hanging out?

    Maybe they are planning some kind of big surprise for The day off the wedding.

    If you have the proof, tell him.

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  • You have to tell him because he shouldn't marry someone who is a lier let alone a cheat. maybe if would be a good idea to sit down with him and tell him easily or you can aproach his fiance first and tell her that you know and she can either tell him or you will

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  • You need to be honest with him if you love him and want him to be happy in the long run i would want to know you just need to be careful about how you say it

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  • You should tell him, I think.
    What would he think if he gets married and then finds out later that you knew all along and didn't tell him and let him get stuck in a marriage with her?
    It's harder to get divorced than married. So let him know now before he commits to something like that. Otherwise he'll have the stress of the cheating AND of the divorce process dropped on him together

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  • If course you should tell him! It's your own son, not a random friend. You want the best for him. Imagine if he gets married, has kids and discover it afterwards!

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  • I personally would. I’d support him in whatever decision he made regarding the relationship but I’d think it was important that he had all the information

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