Never tell your child that s/he's beautiful, do you agree or disagree and why?

I think the mother in the interview had a good point. #Children #Parenting #Beautiful
  • Agree (WHY)
    Vote A
  • Disagree (WHY)
    Vote B
  • Depends (Explain what & why)
    Vote C
  • Other (Explain what and why)
    Vote D
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What Girls Said 60

  • I see where she was going with this, but I think she was overthinking the compliment. You can tell your daughter she's beautiful and compliment what makes her who she is as a person as well. I think not telling her would cause a lot of damage in the long run. I rather my daughter hear it from me and her father first before anyone. Because to everyone else, it's just her looks they are complimenting most of the time. But for me, I'd tell her why she is beautiful on both the outside and inside.

    So right very early in her life, she has confidence and self-love that can't be broken. That can not happen if the beliefs this mom has is adopted. The young girl will become negative about the word and be entitled. Thinking everyone should compliment who she is first and what she can do. When yes that matters, but to strangers, they see her appearance first. So it can't be helped that they approach about it at first hand. And her appearance does have everything to do with her, especially in the future. It represents how she carries herself as a lady and what she likes personally. It all depends, but in short, I disagree. You should tell your daughter she's beautiful.

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    • 5d

      "confidence and self-love that can't be broken"

      Confidence and self-love don't come from being complimented on one's appearance. You can include it, but if it's the foundation for her worth, you're setting her up for failure.

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    • 5d

      @cherryphi82 I give up, we can just agree to disagree. At the end of the day, everybody will parent their kids how they want. We'll see in the future whose kids are actually prepared for life.

    • 5d

      That's a pretty defeatist attitude...

  • In my experience, I was never told I was pretty or beautiful. Not by strangers, not by family members, not by my relatives. So, the first time I was told I was ugly by some guy who I liked, that was all I ever knew about myself. I'm ugly. What reinforced my mindset was that no one ever told me I was pretty or beautiful as a child. Even my brothers called me ugly when I was small. It made sense in my young head that I must have been ugly. No one ever asked me out. I didn't have many friends. Then, you see on television or social media of beautiful people being told they're hot, pretty, beautiful, etc. and having many friends. Then, you begin to think that what you look like isn't "pretty or beautiful". You never knew what was pretty or beautiful to begin with because nobody ever told you. As I grew older and dressed somewhat nicely, one day, one of my parents told me I looked pretty for the first time, but somehow, because of how insecure, depressed, and unconfident I was already growing up, I didn't believe that I was pretty. I think if I was told as a child where I was much more impressionable and things were more easily ingrained into me, I would have been able to believe that I was genuinely pretty or beautiful instead of telling myself that I'm ugly because everything around me was telling me I was ugly and that I would be sorely disappointed if one day someone told me I was ugly. To this day, I am still surprised when a person tells me I'm pretty or beautiful. I look at them and ask myself "is it because they pity me?" Of course, I think telling me I was beautiful for my intelligence, how smart I am, who I am, what I can do, etc. is great for saying to your child "you are beautiful for who you are on the inside than what you look on the outside." I wish someone had told me that growing up instead of letting me beat myself up, thinking I am worthless because I'm not pretty or beautiful or talented or intelligent enough.

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  • Nothing wrong with telling your child that they're beautiful, but for fuck's sake, don't make that the only focus, the only positive thing you tell your child.

    I agree with a lot of what this woman says, but refusing to tell your child she's beautiful is just taking it to the opposite end of the stupid extreme.

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  • I'm on the fence on this one. If you never tell your child that they're beautiful, you run the risk of them growing up thinking they're ugly. Obviously that isn't a good self-esteem booster either.

    I think the more important thing is to make sure that they know that being beautiful isn't the only or most important thing that they are. They should know that they're smart, clever, capable, resilient, brave, etc. too.

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  • I think that it's ok to tell your children that they are beautiful as long as you explain to them that there's much more in life than just looking good. it's only a small portion of the building blocks that build a child's self esteem and you can praise them for other accomplishments and virtues that they display as they grow up and make you proud.

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  • I get what she’s saying but that’s silly, I’ve never heard anyone not complimenting a boys appearance or a girls accomplishments/physical activity.
    “Oh he’s so cute” “she’s so cute” “look how big she is” “you’re such a big girl, you’re so strong!” etc etc
    These are things I have said personally and have heard others say.

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  • Disagree being beautiful is the most important things for nearly all teenager so it would be very damaging for them to never heard it from their own parents.

    Personally I heard it a lot from my family / family friends, people in my school and it feel good to hear it.

    I think the bad things is to talk about their child appearance before anything else (like my mother and grandmother do, they always talk about my body first before anything else).

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    • 6d

      Being found desirable is universal. However, emphasis on beauty and appearance to the degree that nothing else matters or matters little is a completely societal construct. If your family emphasized that being pretty is more important than anything else, you come to believe it and that's why you would be devastated to never hear it, not because it's not true.

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    • 3d

      @cherryphi82 Too your 35 years old so it's 100 % I'm much prettier than you, all guys prefer girls in their eearly 20 than old wrinkled women XD
      What i trolls ! I nearly fell for it !

    • 3d

      The liar here is clearly you. You want to talk about curves. Let's. You're some fat ass cellulite saddlebag ghetto ass having bitch with drooping flat dog teets for titties. You are not a girl, you are a tranny. You probably have a mustache and need to shave your disgusting arms. You think ass and waist indentation makes you curvy, wide ass having bitch, yet you yourself admit to being anorexic which means you're a fat ass hoe. And no values, you call someone out for their avatar when you nothing but fish for compliments that you clearly don't deserve. You got for nothing worthless bitch, gtfoh and hang your self with a fucking rope. Your mother should have aborted a worthless creature like you. You have no morals, no values, and no ability to speak the English language, mediterranean garbage. No one would ever touch a deformed anorexic ass cripple like you with a ten foot pole. Go fuck yourself and win a Darwin award. The world needs to rid itself of nasty vermin like you.

  • DISAGREE
    What? If your child ask am I pretty or this and that..
    Are u gonna ignore the question or say something hateful or r u gonna say no matter what u r very beautiful /cute
    And I love u just the way u r

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    • 7d

      Many parents says beauty isn't the most important thing in the world and rather tell the child which good qualities they've. Example them being a good friend, smiling, kind, good in something etc.

  • I can honestly say I would have at least liked my mum to actually say I'm beautiful instead of ugly and useless, which is all I've ever had. So, there is a place for actually giving kids compliments to build self esteem.

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    • 6d

      Well, your mom was a dick, so..

      No offense.

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    • 5d

      And my point is that being told you're pretty is not the same as spreading the love.

    • 5d

      But lack of not being values in any way does not help build self esteem. there's always a limit of when it becomes over bearing and too much, but a complete lack doesn't help either.

  • Sure you can, but it better be proceeded by smart, kind, brave, compassionate, etc. Making beautiful the only thing you tell them, or make that the first thing spoken puts that as the most significant in their minds.

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  • My mother would always tell me that I was beautiful. But she would often refer to certain behaviours as beautiful. E. g. sharing, being kind, helping someone etc. she would often say that ‘it was beautiful that I shared my lunch/ toy etc. She would remind me that I was beautiful, but it was more important to be intelligent, kind, caring, passionate about my interests, etc.

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  • C. I would call all my children beautiful (male or female). I would also praise them for their other achievements.

    What I would do is tell my children that their looks don't really matter, and promote values of kindness, determination and compassion.

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  • Literally only my father calls me adorable and beautiful... my mother doesn’t care at all.. It’d be good to hear her say it sometime lol.

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  • My mom never told me I was pretty and never complimented me on the things I achieved. I’m now self conscious about a lot and I don’t take compliments well. I sort of get nervous, I my hands sweat and my body tenses up. I do wish my mom gave me more compliments when I was younger and not just for how I look but also my achievements.

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  • If I get to behave both daughter and son, I’m not gonna just complement the girl on her looks and ignore the boy. Why would anyone not tell there own son that they are “beautiful” (in the eyes of their parent). I mean, looks isn’t something I’d dwell because there’s a lot more to a person than just the outside physical features. But I’m not going to just not tell my children at all how wonderful I think they are inside and out.

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  • She has great points about why parents shouldn't say that to their kids, but then again, I think it's also likely what the interviewer said, that someday, when she actually starts to feel self-conscious, she'll realize that her parents never told her she was beautiful. But then again after that point also comes the realization that all parents think heir kids look good, no matter what the society thinks. So I think it's bit of a risky move thinking about her teenage years, but still very well reasoned.

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  • i dont think you should never call your child beautiful, but I do agree that you should make sure they know that their appearance is not what makes them worthy or valuable, its what they do, and who they are as a person

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  • call your child beautiful for their outward and inner beauty. compliment them both equally. they deserve to grow up thinking they are uniquely beautiful in all aspects

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  • My mother is very individual person. She said that she is the prettiest and i'm just a failed product that she has. And she always said things like that and it lower my self-esteem. Glad i've many good friends. Now i love myself.

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  • I think you should compliment your children, tell them they are beautiful but also compliment on their personality. How a parent view the kid, from the kid's point of view, could help or harm a child self esteem when they are older.

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What Guys Said 62

  • I agree with the woman in the interview but I disagree with your question.

    The important difference is that you wrote the word "child", while the woman in the interview is very specifically talking about her daughter and gender stereotypes.

    So, here's my opinion:
    Should children be praised once in a while? Absolutely! It's important for their confidence and feeling good about themselves. I will certainly tell my children that they look pretty.

    BUT
    I strongly agree with the woman in the interview that we (as a society) should stop pounding gender stereotypes into little children. Some people on G@G believe that gender stereotypes are due to biology but they're actually due to what adults tell their little kids in an unfiltered, unreflective way. For example why should we only praise girls for being pretty and why should we only praise boys for being physically active?
    Admittedly, keeping clear of all the gender stereotyping as a parent is very hard. It's so incredibly easy to do or say certain things unconsciously. Still, once I become a dad, I want to make a conscious effort to be neutral in this regard. I want my children to develop their own gender identity without being standing over their shoulder and telling them what boys may or may not do and what girls may or may not do. For example when my little sister was a small child, she used to be a total tomboy (ironically, she's very feminine now). I think it's awesome that my parents never even commented on this. It was what it was. Nobody ever said to her: "you should wear a cute dress and play with dolls". This way, she could develop her own identity. And the same was true for my brother and me.

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  • I see where she is coming from but I disagree with the fundemental assumption that "beautiful" or beauty is exclusively expressed as a physical trait. Her statement that "It's all a genetic lottery for all of us" gives credence to what I consider a false and common notion that there is somehow a certain appearance that can be called "Objectively beautiful." I would like to counter with two statements.

    - "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." There are no two people who think all the same things are beautiful. Many men think long hair is an attractive physical trait while I far prefer short hair (like pixie cut kind of short). Likewise some people think freckles are unattractive or very attractive yada yada yada. Beauty is almost 100% based on opinion. There is no objective form of beauty. No two people will find all the same things equally beautiful. Thus the idea that beauty is determined by a genetic lottery and has nothing to do with the individual is largely false. Whether someone is beautiful or not is a matter of opinion. If YOU think they're beautiful then to you they ARE beautiful. However, this still isn't dependent on any skill or effort put forth by an individual though that brings me to the other saying.

    - "Beauty is more than skin deep." The word beautiful communicates so much more than an opinion of an individual's outward appearance. Sexy, or hot, or pretty, those are words that usually just refer to the outward appearance. Those are all very shallow compliments... on the other hand beauty refers to a person's attitude, their behavior, their personality. Beauty is about the essence of a person. It's not about their appearance but it must be realized that our view of a person is based on how we feel about them as a whole. For example... there was a girl I knew once. When I first met her I didn't consider her to be at all attractive... but then I got to know her and we became best friends. The closer I got to her the more beautiful she became to me in the sense of emotional AND physical attraction. To put it another way... the more you love someone the more beautiful you find them to be.

    Telling your daughter she's beautiful is not merely telling her she looks physically attractive. It's saying that she has those positive traits which make someone beautiful. It's saying that you're proud of them as a person and that you love them. That's what I hope to communicate when I am a father to my daughters when I tell them that they are beautiful

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  • It depends. You shouldn't feed your kid with mis-information, as it will just lead to problems doen the line. My parents always used to call me stuff like "cute", and "handsome", and now I have self esteeem problems. Sure, I look decent, but no where near handsome I'd say.

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  • It's fine. Just don't create unreasonable expectations in the child. Parents constantly telling their daughters they'r a princess and that some day a prince is going to swoop in and sweep them off their feet creates unreasonable expectations. We have a whole generation of entitled princess snowflakes. :)

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  • I decided to ask my mom on this one and she said that while it's true boys aren't told they are beautiful they are told they are handsome. That she shouldn't hold back on telling her how beautiful it is because it's part of who her daughter is. She can praise her beautiful soul and her physical beauty.

    My mom said she was never told she was beautiful and that she has been negatively affected by it. So I agree with my money because my mom often has very good points.

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  • She overthinking this and her poor daughter will be the one to suffer (I tiny bit) because of the moms insecurity. I have nieces and I tell them all the time that they are beautiful. I'll also praise them when they achieve other things. Humans can process and appreciate different types of compliments... man these people smh!

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  • she's got the right idea, you should instill in your child self confidence and that their value goes way beyond looks alone. However i don't see why she can't add beautiful to the list of qualities.

    You should never put your own looks first, let other people do that for you.

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  • Boys are praised for that stuff because that's what they're genetically predisposed to do. So I don't understand why she thinks it's fine if her boys are praised for traditionally masculine traits while her girl is praised for female traits and she's bothered by it.

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  • I think children should be told they are beautiful. But not every day. And it can be important to sometimes say 'you are beautiful to me'. If true you can say things like you have beautiful hair, or hands, smile or eyes. We know we shouldn't build false egos but we also know that children need to know that in your eyes they are beautiful.

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  • I was ready to get triggered, but I listened to her and she is right about her assumption.
    However, as she said, looks are the currency, and when in Roma...

    I would make sure my girls are beautiful and good at things, whether it's historically girl or boy things, and make sure my boys are eye catching in the male way, suits, well dress and well groomed, etc.

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  • I one hundred percent disagree. I know my child would look beautiful and I will tell her that too and they also need to learn self-confidence and have pride in themselves instead of feeling like they're losers and in. I don't want them settling for an average Joe. I want them to be high up there at a high level.

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  • no you're setting them up to fail

    especially if they have special needs

    special needs children should never be told they're beautiful

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    • 7d

      Why shouldn't special needs children be told they're beautiful? Not every conditions affects their appearance.

    • 7d

      because of their behavior

      these children are pathetic and won't be living a good life

  • I'd say you call someone beautiful because you either truly find them that pretty or because you simply love someone whether as a friend or else, and express your feels to them like that. No stupid statistic or proven theory can take that out/away from it.

    Maybe it's just my opinion but hell, i'd choose my opinion over theory any time if that is what it takes to make the world a little warmer and peaceful

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  • There will be at least one day she will put the effort into how she looks, and will then seek approval. If the parents still refuse, she might feel a disconnection.

    Its a good idea though and I would support the notion of praising the actions and not the genes.

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  • It’s important to show your child love and by you telling your child is beautiful your giving her a confidence boost. We are a little obsessed with beauty in society but that’s no reason not to call your daughter beautiful

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  • I disagree. An inflated ego is key to confidence. If your child is genuinely unattractive, it would be for the best to convince him otherwise, unless you'd love for him to be miserable. See: Albert Einstein, he was moderately unattractive, but he made it in life if not soley for the fact that he believed he was superior. If any of you have time, you should take a look at his personal diary, it's got plenty of interesting factoids.

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  • If they're actually beautiful but they keep putting themselves down then yes they should tell them and if they're ever going through hard times when it comes to self confidence or dignity then yes the parent should try to help them regain cofidence by telling them something like that but if the kid is really bad looking and they seem fine don't say it. Basically only if they're having confidence or self appreciation issues

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  • I think it is good that children learn who they are including their strengths and weaknesses. In my view children need to learn that they are beautiful not only from the looks perspective but as a whole. They are allowed to be proud on who they are.

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  • It never fails to amaze me that the very first thing that most adults comment about a young girl is her appearance. As if that is the most valuable thing about girls, who eventually grow up to be women who think that their physical appearance is the most valuable thing about them. Is it any wonder that a significant proportion of the female human population have deep-seated issues with their appearance?

    I've seen adults praise boys for being creative, being ambitious, being strong, being brave, being tough, being smart, being talented... and these boys grow up to be men who get to be treated as multi-dimensional subjects, whose "worth" to society is not solely decided by any one particular facet.

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  • You need to compliment children.. ofcourse. It would be dumb not to. They deserve compliments and everything. That is how will they become aware of their talents, abilities and something that is unique for them.

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    • 6d

      I think you're missing the point. This is not about not complimenting children. This is about stopping paying so much importance to looks and appearance. There are many more important qualities than being pretty and they should be emphasized.

    • 5d

      Yeah u r right but im speaking of my pov and yeah i missed the point when i read my comment guess i wasn't paying too much attention to ehat im talking about lol

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