- Agree (WHY)
- Disagree (WHY)
- Depends (Explain what & why)
- Other (Explain what and why)
Most Helpful Girls
I see where she was going with this, but I think she was overthinking the compliment. You can tell your daughter she's beautiful and compliment what makes her who she is as a person as well. I think not telling her would cause a lot of damage in the long run. I rather my daughter hear it from me and her father first before anyone. Because to everyone else, it's just her looks they are complimenting most of the time. But for me, I'd tell her why she is beautiful on both the outside and inside.
So right very early in her life, she has confidence and self-love that can't be broken. That can not happen if the beliefs this mom has is adopted. The young girl will become negative about the word and be entitled. Thinking everyone should compliment who she is first and what she can do. When yes that matters, but to strangers, they see her appearance first. So it can't be helped that they approach about it at first hand. And her appearance does have everything to do with her, especially in the future. It represents how she carries herself as a lady and what she likes personally. It all depends, but in short, I disagree. You should tell your daughter she's beautiful.3
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She has great points about why parents shouldn't say that to their kids, but then again, I think it's also likely what the interviewer said, that someday, when she actually starts to feel self-conscious, she'll realize that her parents never told her she was beautiful. But then again after that point also comes the realization that all parents think heir kids look good, no matter what the society thinks. So I think it's bit of a risky move thinking about her teenage years, but still very well reasoned.5
Most Helpful Guys
I agree with the woman in the interview but I disagree with your question.
The important difference is that you wrote the word "child", while the woman in the interview is very specifically talking about her daughter and gender stereotypes.
So, here's my opinion:
Should children be praised once in a while? Absolutely! It's important for their confidence and feeling good about themselves. I will certainly tell my children that they look pretty.
I strongly agree with the woman in the interview that we (as a society) should stop pounding gender stereotypes into little children. Some people on G@G believe that gender stereotypes are due to biology but they're actually due to what adults tell their little kids in an unfiltered, unreflective way. For example why should we only praise girls for being pretty and why should we only praise boys for being physically active?
Admittedly, keeping clear of all the gender stereotyping as a parent is very hard. It's so incredibly easy to do or say certain things unconsciously. Still, once I become a dad, I want to make a conscious effort to be neutral in this regard. I want my children to develop their own gender identity without being standing over their shoulder and telling them what boys may or may not do and what girls may or may not do. For example when my little sister was a small child, she used to be a total tomboy (ironically, she's very feminine now). I think it's awesome that my parents never even commented on this. It was what it was. Nobody ever said to her: "you should wear a cute dress and play with dolls". This way, she could develop her own identity. And the same was true for my brother and me.6
It never fails to amaze me that the very first thing that most adults comment about a young girl is her appearance. As if that is the most valuable thing about girls, who eventually grow up to be women who think that their physical appearance is the most valuable thing about them. Is it any wonder that a significant proportion of the female human population have deep-seated issues with their appearance?
I've seen adults praise boys for being creative, being ambitious, being strong, being brave, being tough, being smart, being talented... and these boys grow up to be men who get to be treated as multi-dimensional subjects, whose "worth" to society is not solely decided by any one particular facet.