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And it is illegal to hit your kid here
And my partner shares my opinion.
When a kid owns nothing, and has already had everything taken from him for no reason a thousand times, he becomes numb. Just like how if you beat your kid constantly he'll stop caring and it'll be pointless. It's for variation.Also there are non-beating/cutting/flogging physical punishments. Food/water denial, painful holds, putting them is a small space for a long time, forced labor.
@meesegoMoo My mom made me fill up a bucket with rocks as a form of punishment when I was a kid. Ohhh that shit sucked.
@meesegoMoo ah but there's the problem. "has already had everything taken from him for no reason" <- things should never be taken without a reason, see. Punishments need to be explained. "I'm taking this away from you because you hit your sister, hitting people is wrong. You won't get this back until tomorrow. Now think about what you've done."If a kid never gets an explanation, of course they will think it's unfair because it's likely they don't fully understand what they did wrong. And like I said, there are hundreds of ways you can punish a kid that doesn't involve getting physical with them. You just have to be creative and think outside the box, which might be difficult if you're a lazy parent just going for the most obvious solution.And I'm pretty sure that a few of those last things you mentioned constitute as child abuse.
It's not always for a punishment. Maybe an aunt took was frustrated, maybe a local junkie stole everything. Whatever the case, many kids go through something similar. And which one is child abuse? All them them taken to an extreme would be obviously, and the food/water one gets there pretty quick, but do you object to the labor? Asking because the rest of what you've said so far has been sensible enough.
@meesegoMoo depends on the labor. Washing dishes is ok if the child is old enough and there isn't a risk that they'd drop a plate or accidentally stab themselves with something sharp. Helping out with cleaning should generally be fine as long as you don't ask the kid to do something that's more dangerous for a kid, like heavy lifting or handling/operating things that they simply can't do. Also depends on how long the labor would go on for, the punishment must fit the crime. You can't have your kid do something for hours just because they took their sibling's toy for a minute.Putting a kid in a small space is one that worries me. In no situation do I think that would be acceptable. Doing something like that could cause a kid to have severe claustrophobia and/or anxiety. Nor do I really understand why it needs to specifically be a small space, unless it's really because you want to cause unnecessary trauma? Having a specific chair for them to sit on while they think about what they've done or sending them to their room should be enough.I also don't think a painful hold is necessary, just like I find physical punishments (slapping/spanking) to be unnecessary in general. Denying them food/drinks is only appropriate if we're talking snacks/sweets or juices/sodas, not actual food or water. A kid should never have to go hungry or thirsty as a punishment, kids should only have positive associations with food or else it can cause an unhealthy relationship with food (like eating disorders).
That seems to be a narrow-minded view, and please read the explanation as to why. Children grow. A child of 4 might not do well with being denied food, they likely wouldn't even do something bad enough for that to ever be a concern. Older kids are different. A 10 year old can end lives. What if they lie to protect their friend who did something awful, let's say rape. Or, the school their in stressed the importance of family, so they started hanging around that junkie older cousin you warned them about, who put crack rock in their backpack as a prank. Now we have a more serious situation. What if a rumor began to spread, a terrible one about a young girl a her smothering some old men, and your kid knew the truth, but let fear stop him from defending her.Some things are certainly worse than others. Anything to avoid beatings is what I would go for, just because I have too many performant injuries from petty and angry adults seeing how easy a target children make. I partially agree on the work point, I was made to haul about 400 pounds of stuff in a wheelbarrow that was made of rotten, flexible wood, with a pretty sever issue in both of my legs, for something I was forced to do by the person punishing me. But I do think physical punishments are better. If an 8-year-old is healthy, they can handle stacking split wood for the old folks who still burn it. At first they'll hate it, but they can see how much small acts, acts that only take an hour-or-two, can hurt somebody or fill them with joy. Eventually, they might begin to prefer to make others happy instead. They can assist in the building of furniture, or simply have higher goals. Let's say you want them to learn another language, if they're being punished tell them they need to learn 4x the normal week's worth of vocabulary/conjugation.
We were beat so often i got used to the physical part. And getting beat wasn't always because you did something bad. Sometimes it was just a warning, a just 'in case you slip up'. Sometimes you were acused wrongfully, but speaking up for yourself was considered "back talk" and that never made the situation better. i have a high pain tolerance thanks to getting whoppings. it was the emotional damage that got me effed up. You ever got beat until you were blue and purple or even bleeding sometimes? And you're just like 'hm, well this is my life'. Then they turn around and say some crap like 'i do this because i love you'. that crap really messes with your child. they grow up thinking abuse is expected in a relationship. That if theyre not getting beat on theyre not loved. or they inflict this pain on themselves or others because they were taught young that's how one's to be disciplined. this is love, right? hell no!
No, that is not true. It would work for a while but not permanent. I know that from people i have seen in my environment.
@kim45456 I respect your opinion but I don't agree. I grew up getting spanked and I feel like it helped me learn early on what was right and what was wrong when I was too young to use logic to make that judgement.
There are plenty other different punishments without violence
@kim45456 There are but pain results in instant compliance. Taking away a toy or something is just as likely to result in more pouting and more rebellious behavior from my experience.
You can make them stand or sit for a while and dont let them to play anything
And also especially men should not do that. I mean i dont carry a baby for 9 month long and suffer labour pain so that my kid can get hit by a man. I would kick his testicles if he dare to hit my kid
@kim45456 Well I doubt anyone in their right mind would initiate spanking without the consent of their significant other so that's just a given. Also I think kicking someone in the testicles is significantly worse than popping a child on the rear end a couple of times.
Why do emotions make things abuse? Intent doesn't matter at all actions do, so if one is abuse the other is too.
Anger can turn discipline into vengence. It can make you go way beyond what is necessary.
My wife tends to agree. We both think the new style of upbringing these days is too soft. But we also both dislike violent forms of discipline (she received hers as a girl like her mother used to slam the piano on her hands if she made a mistake). We both dislike the violent kind. But I favor the militaristic kind (not too harsh and accounting for age, maybe like Kindergarten Cop), and she seems to agree.
Like this. My teachers in that private school I attended as a boy in Japan were like this (although not quite built like Arnie, but same kind of attitude):https://youtu.be/_fzGRyHANAU
But they didn't hit the kids. If we were out of line, we had to do push-ups or run laps usually.
Maybe not this over-the-top but something like this -- associating discipline with pride.https://youtu.be/daNmTR40Gm8
Does you partner agree with it? I dont understand why men think they can thit their kids when they are not the one who carries 9 months long.
@kim45456 Anyone I have kids with will be someone who's on the same page as me on it.Well I wouldn't be hitting my kids I'd be spanking my kids, there is a difference. As for why it's ok? Well words aren't always going to do the trick they have to know that if they act poorly and do bad things there will be consequences. Since when has words tender or harsh ever stopped horrible behavior? Or taught a kid a lesson?
To be honest, i would kick his testicles, if my potential partner dare to hit my kid
And there are better punishments. You can make them stand patiently for a while and thst will work. Kids dont like being patient
@kim45456 Well that's you not me.That's how I Was raised both my parents were on the same page about that kind of stuff and to be honest any sort of punishment I did receive like that I fully deserved it. And I came to respect them for it when I got older because I understood why it had to be done.Lol that's not gonna do jack crap.
Dont hit your parents back? I have done it
@kim45456 Of course not, I loved and respected my parents, still do and I knew that I was in the wrong and that I deserved what I had coming to them and I knew that they didn't do it unless I actually deserved it.
It is illegal here to hit your kids
@kim45456 Not where I live.
To be honest, if a man think he can spank or hit my kid, i would hit in his testicles.
So you woud use physical discipline?
With that said, I will employ physical punishment on my children (that we don't have) if I deem it to be absolutely necessary.
How does he punish them?
@ecfresh he is constantly gone so he never is around long enough to punish them
Sorry to hear that. It’s important to be consistent in discipline from both parents as kids grow up to have a balanced sense of accountability.
@ecfresh yeah it's okay, i play both roles for them while he's gone
I like how you think
Think about this logically... in the "dark ages" 50-100 years ago when spanking was pretty common the world had guns... but not all these mass shooting suicide scenarios.In the last 30-40 years... the "we must boost their self esteem... spanking is bad" era, the world is replete with suicides and we have endless mass shootings.No evidence spanking and being strict with kids is ruining the world.
*out not outside... lol
I like the update, it reminded me of secondary School. They had dab hand at the slipper or cane. I learnt that everything had a reaction to a action. I was stupid I paid for it. Shame some don't realise that these days...