The things empathic people consider to be harmless are perceived as a threat to a toxic person, no matter what the situation. If you have ever gotten bad vibes from a person, then you know what it feels like to be around someone who is toxic. She always gives off bad vibes, whether she’s angry with me or not, she makes me feel uncomfortable, I don't trust her, my intuition kicks in, it tells me to run, and all I want to do is run from her, but I don't have anywhere to run to. One day we are friends, and another day I am her enemy, one day I hear she is mad at me for something I had done or said, and all of a sudden everything is ok again the next day, this happens repeatedly no matter what I do or say, it does not matter what I say or do, she thinks I'm on a mission to steal her boyfriend. I don’t have a devious plan to steal him, and nearly everything I say or do happens when I'm not consciously aware, I’m experiencing such severe symptoms of dissociation. When I was told that she’s angry at me for what I said to her boyfriend, I have no memory of what I said to him, I feel sad that I don't remember what I said, but this happens with everyone I talk to in person or on the phone, I'm here, but my mind is not. My friendship with her is like this up and down roller coaster ride that will not end, it makes my head spin, she doesn’t know what I’m going through, she doesn't ask me how I'm doing every time I ask her how she is doing, so I don't tell her that I’m not ok. No matter how someone looks or acts, you just don't know what the person is going through. Inside, I feel broken, sad, depressed, lonely, helpless and hopeless, emotionally and mentally exhausted, so much more than that. She knows I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. I have never experienced life without ptsd symptoms before, I'm really trying hard to be okay without a support system in person.
I can't even describe how strange and confusing it feels to hear that she is furious with me and all of a sudden she comes and talks to me like nothing happened. This can really mess with a person's mind and perception of reality, or maybe it's just PTSD that intensifies everything.