Not the first time. But even with Halloween coming up I start to get nauseous. It’s the beginning. Next is Thanksgiving then Christmas then New Years and then Valentine’s Day. I’ve never had anyone close like close friends and never had a boyfriend. I am not saying I’m a victim I know it’s my choice to be alone and I have made efforts before just to be let down. I’m not saying I’m lonely bc i haven’t filled my own cup up, I still have fun on my own and plan movie nights and cook and get hobbies like dance classes and hiking and running. I still decorate my place and play holiday music. I try to uplift myself best I can. But I’m so damn lonely and just feel like I’m learning how to live with a broken heart.