There are woman who can scream, cry, and beg for attention, they can easily tell everyone about all their problems, they always seem to have people by their side, even though their extreme reactions make it nearly impossible for people not to be there for them. For people like me, it's the complete opposite, I don't know how to be like those woman, I don’t even know how to ask for help when I’m struggling. As someone who is the opposite of that woman, people don't know that I'm drowning in severe distress, I feel so exhausted, and I just want to give up. The only way I know how to help myself and be my own support system is by smoking, I know that nicotine has negative health consequences, I have acknowledged that, but it's all I have other than writing, reading and researching to learn something new every day. I have people here that I'm grateful for, but we are not close, there is something missing, there is no emotional connection or emotional support, people with little or no empathy will never truly understand empathic people like me. Empathy feels like a curse, feeling the pain and sadness of others as well as my own, it's all I know, and it's intense. I wish I could feel what it feels like not to feel anything at all, like a 24 hour challenge or something, but that would require super natural abilities. Apparently, it takes an extreme emotional outburst over here to the point where it either scares the hell out of people or irritates the hell out of people to have supportive people by your side, with alcohol, I don't react like she does, I just don't have it in me. What does it feel like to lack empathy and remorse?
I wish people would at least try to put themselves in the shoes of someone else and ask themselves how they would feel if all they had were themselves, it would make it so much easier for people to understand and I would never have to talk about it, problem solved, loneliness gone.