Why I deserved to get dumped for this?

Question

We've been dating for around 6 months and at some point, he introduced to his other family. It turns out one of his cousins is the same girl my friends and I mistreated long ago. Though that was HS and I've grown since that.

I greeted her as if meeting her for the first time. That was my way of starting over. I wanted to bury the past. I wasn't a kind person in HS. It didn't work. She still wanted to catch me in private several times and I would avoid it. In the end, she ended up telling everything and I got dumped. He said it wasn't about what happened in HS but the lie, pretending not to know her and not owning up to it if I felt bad.

Still... isn't that too much? I wanted to start all over and she just couldn't let it go. HS was 9 years ago already. Did I deserve getting dumped for stupid HS thing?

Yes

No

Select age and gender to cast your vote:

GirlGuy

Updates:

28 d

I was simple wanted to make that part of my past a non-existing subject that's not to ever get mentioned.

Answer 1

Don-__-Don

Xper 7

I selected no, but I meant to say "yes".

The fact that you said "stupid highschool thing" just tells me you most likely haven't grown as much as you wish to claim.

Bullying isn't cool and it can have long term affects on a person. You never know what someone is going through, and being a dickhead to someone just makes life worse.

Your boyfriend wasn't about to date someone who did such things to family, the things that you do in the past actually matters. There is no starting over in life, the things you do to people will stay with you until the day you die.

You being dumped is nothing more than karma, take this as a lesson.

Asker

28 d
So someone can never regret past actions they made as a teen? Someone can't become a better person?
I know what I should've done to resolve the issue. She wanted closure (basically a heartfelt apology) while I wanted to move forward and panicked upon seeing her.
My boyfriend was more upset about the lying about my past and not owning up to what I did. He said it he would've forgiven if I had been honest and contrite about it. Now he doesn't believe that I regret it all, both the bullying and lying about it.
Asker

28 d
The last thing he said when breaking up was that he doesn't know who I am anymore nor if I'm capable of lying about other things. In his stance if there is no honesty nor trust there is no relationship.
Needless to say I do regret it all. I just freaked out and couldn't find the words to apologize to her. Just to think all that would've been solved if I had just did what she wanted. Sucks
Don-__-Don

28 d
You can regret and become a better person most definitely.

And yeah, I can see how your boyfriend can get upset enough to break up with you for that.

I know telling the truth isn't always comfortable because you don't want any negative feedback, but trust me when I say it's always better to tell the truth than risk getting caught in a lie. Telling the truth and being honest is always respectable and would've made your boyfriend respect you a ton of a lot more, that's for sure.
At least now you know.

I'm pretty sure what your boyfriend thought, "well, if she lied to me about that stuff then what else has she lied to me about?".

Even if y'all get back together, I'm sure he's naturally going to be e trust issues with you now.

Breaking up over being lied to is reasonable, is honesty is highly valued in a relationship.

Anyways yeah, your boyfriend stance on breaking up is reasonable and I can tell you understand as well.
You do seem remorseful and regret it, I respect you for that. I think you might have an opportunity to fix this is you really want to.
Just make sure to make things right with the cousin first, give her the clarity she needs.
Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

Asker

So someone can never regret past actions they made as a teen? Someone can't become a better person?
I know what I should've done to resolve the issue. She wanted closure (basically a heartfelt apology) while I wanted to move forward and panicked upon seeing her.
My boyfriend was more upset about the lying about my past and not owning up to what I did. He said it he would've forgiven if I had been honest and contrite about it. Now he doesn't believe that I regret it all, both the bullying and lying about it.

Answer 3

Asker

The last thing he said when breaking up was that he doesn't know who I am anymore nor if I'm capable of lying about other things. In his stance if there is no honesty nor trust there is no relationship.
Needless to say I do regret it all. I just freaked out and couldn't find the words to apologize to her. Just to think all that would've been solved if I had just did what she wanted. Sucks

Answer 4

Don-__-Don

You can regret and become a better person most definitely.

And yeah, I can see how your boyfriend can get upset enough to break up with you for that.

I know telling the truth isn't always comfortable because you don't want any negative feedback, but trust me when I say it's always better to tell the truth than risk getting caught in a lie. Telling the truth and being honest is always respectable and would've made your boyfriend respect you a ton of a lot more, that's for sure.
At least now you know.

I'm pretty sure what your boyfriend thought, "well, if she lied to me about that stuff then what else has she lied to me about?".

Even if y'all get back together, I'm sure he's naturally going to be e trust issues with you now.

Breaking up over being lied to is reasonable, is honesty is highly valued in a relationship.

Anyways yeah, your boyfriend stance on breaking up is reasonable and I can tell you understand as well.
You do seem remorseful and regret it, I respect you for that. I think you might have an opportunity to fix this is you really want to.
Just make sure to make things right with the cousin first, give her the clarity she needs.
Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

codyccc | 959 opinions shared on Family & Friends topic.

Guru

You bullied his cousin to the point she's still not over it a decade later that's pretty unforgivable

Asker

28 d
I know but I really thought we could start all over as strangers meeting for the first time. He was upset that I lied about not knowing her and not owning up to my past, more than the bullying itself. He did said that if I had own to it and told the truth, he would've talk to her into forgiving me.
Asker

28 d
Ever felt so bad about something that you just don't want to talk about it at all nor hear about it? You treat that subject as if it didn't exist.
codyccc

28 d
Can't live in denial

Answer 6

Asker

I know but I really thought we could start all over as strangers meeting for the first time. He was upset that I lied about not knowing her and not owning up to my past, more than the bullying itself. He did said that if I had own to it and told the truth, he would've talk to her into forgiving me.

Answer 7

Asker

Ever felt so bad about something that you just don't want to talk about it at all nor hear about it? You treat that subject as if it didn't exist.

Answer 8

codyccc

Can't live in denial

Answer 9

LEYvh

Xper 2

From your post, it seems that you felt entitled to a new beginning with mentioned girl but were not willing to own up to what you did and validate her feelings by apologizing sincerely. Anyhow, even if he decided to end things on the sole fact that you lied, he is in the right, as you would not want to be with someone who did not care about a loved one’s feelings and experiences. Lies will hinder a relationship from growth or depth.

LEYvh

28 d
I meant to add this previously:
With all I mentioned above, you are of course able to regret and grow from past actions of a poor nature, just make sure you don’t invalidate others feelings to protect your own. Also, I’m sorry it didn’t work out. Regardless of the breakup, you should apologize to his cousin in person, if possible, and let her know you are doing it sincerely and independent of the breakup. She may not accept your apology, but you will have done what you know is right.(:

Answer 10

LEYvh

I meant to add this previously:
With all I mentioned above, you are of course able to regret and grow from past actions of a poor nature, just make sure you don’t invalidate others feelings to protect your own. Also, I’m sorry it didn’t work out. Regardless of the breakup, you should apologize to his cousin in person, if possible, and let her know you are doing it sincerely and independent of the breakup. She may not accept your apology, but you will have done what you know is right.(:

Answer 11

20yearsolder | 99 opinions shared on Family & Friends topic.

Yoda

Evidently those memories are still pretty fresh in her mind, you tried to deceive him. It's honorable that he has his family's back.

Asker

28 d
I know what would've been the right thing as soon as I saw her but I was shocked upon seeing her. I wanted to be the better person by starting all over as if I've never met her before.
It all blew up in my face and I got dumped for the lie. He ended up saying that if I had own up to my mistake and tell the truth then he would've talk to her about forgiving me. He was like ''I would've admire me more for that but you lied, I don't even know who are you now''.
Asker

28 d
I understand that's still fresh in her mind but I also kind of panicked and didn't know what to do. That's a past I was running away from. I just wanted to forget about HS. I know my present-self was good enough.

Answer 12

Asker

I know what would've been the right thing as soon as I saw her but I was shocked upon seeing her. I wanted to be the better person by starting all over as if I've never met her before.
It all blew up in my face and I got dumped for the lie. He ended up saying that if I had own up to my mistake and tell the truth then he would've talk to her about forgiving me. He was like ''I would've admire me more for that but you lied, I don't even know who are you now''.

Answer 13

Asker

I understand that's still fresh in her mind but I also kind of panicked and didn't know what to do. That's a past I was running away from. I just wanted to forget about HS. I know my present-self was good enough.

Why I deserved to get dumped for this?

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