After moving out, did your parents still have any say-so or control over what you do?

[missy52]

I am back to living at home since after college, I couldn't find a job (I juuuust graduated). My parents still control many aspects of my life and they are vehemently against my moving out. In their eyes, the only time you move out is when you're married or in college. That's it. When I move I'll have to be financially independent. And not rely on them for anything because they will use that against me. My mom is now spending two less days at work (from 6 days of work to 4) to help my dad's business and to rest her hand which has been bothering her a lot and now she's trying to use that against me to guilt trip me into staying home which is a shit thing to do. She gets paid enough to single handedly pay the mortgage, water, electricity and phone bills with money to spare. Getting two days less will mean that my dad now has to pay the electricity and food costs but they'll be fine. I don't get why she's trying tobuse it against me. She made the decision to cut back long before I had ny job prospects knowing she'd be able to work it out and now, suddenly, she needs me? The FUCK? No.

Moving away doesn't mean you're moving away from your problems. While I was in college, my mom still called me everyday. She still told me not to party or have sex. She still told me 9 oclock was too late to be outside of the house. It's ridiculous.

Don't think she'll stop asking for money just cause you're not there. She'll just fond new ways to rope you and contact you. And best believe if you fall on rough times and need her, she'll use it against you.

[lilyanony1]

I moved out in 2011 that woman has been messing with me since the day I left.
She always wanted everything her way with no consideration for my feelings and when I left and was trying to create a life for myself she just kept trying to put me in this imaginary place that I adhered to partly. But one day I decided I had had enough of her disrespect. Now we hardly see each other because she is a selfish child.
She cost me friends, a few relationships, a really good job, money and the relationship with my father.
I have told her enough is enough now at 30 I'm done with this.
She needs to get a life of her own and focus on controlling that.

[Citizenkirk]

After being kicked out numerous times since the age of twelve, still in my sophmor year in high school, I moved too another city, joined the Delayed Entry program in the U. S. Army while working my way through high school, full time job, and networking my sponsorship with local businesses for logistic and technical support for points accumulating races for a USCF spot on the national team, I only took orders from the assistant cycling coach the Team USA, (until changes in drafting policy regulations cost me a spot as an alternate) my swimming and track coach, boss at work, the names on my Client List I was building up in my slowly growing freelance Commercial Art career, Drill Sergeant Jones, Rodriguez, and Green, and everyone above them in the chain of commad up to the POTUS, and those special influences in school and out of school that gave me words of encouragement and never let me stop believing in myself.
Back then, I wasn't always sure of myself, but I was sure who I wanted too become.
Now I am sure of myself, but not entirely sure of who I should become.

[caring__1]

Once you're independent, the only control they'll have over you is the control you allow them to have over you. The more you expect of them, the more they'll feel entitled to expect of you. Too often, adult kids expect more of their parents than parents expect of them. No one is forcing you to maintain contact with those who don't respect you, but never expect others to change for you, and never expect handouts. If you need to find surrogate parents who appreciate mutual respect, that is your prerogative. Learn from this experience and don't pass on inappropriate behavior to your kids.

Commonly, people joining a sorority or fraternity feel the hazing upon entry is totally disrespectful, inappropriate, unnecessary and demeaning. Unfortunately, once those same people become seniors, rather than learning from their experience and making changes, they feel they went through it so they're entitled to pass it on to the new pledges.

[krysten02]

Yes!! Absolutely, but my parents were control freaks, narcissists, and my stepmom was bipolar. My parents had entire control of my bank account and spending because I was forced to have my stepmoms name on my bank account and amazon account. I couldn’t go hardly anywhere, I was only allowed to hang out with my boyfriend 2-3 times a week. My parents were also abusive physically, mentally, and emotionally. I wasn’t allowed to move out either after I turned 18 and my parents told me if I tried to move out or leave without their permission that they were going to have me arrested and report my car stolen, I was naive at the time and believed them, but I could’ve left because my name was also on the title as well and it said “or” instead of “and” I also believe that my parents wouldn’t let me leave because I was still getting SSI benefits and my parents were taking my checks and using the almost full $800. I only got $100 of it after I turned 18. I think they were going to make me stay still my checks quit coming and then give me the boot.

[razelove]

That's not limited to being black or not, take your pick on the color wheel and you have parents that can't let go. Like as much as I love mine they tried keeping control over my finances and decisions until I learned to barter and hold the things they wanted hostage. For joining the marines the deal was I would go through catholic confirmation and not scream in tongues in church, doing that once is really effective and people think you're faithful, after that just insane.

To get a car I had to pay for everything, which I later found out was the family's auto-policy. My car got sold while I was in boot camp even though the title and reg were under my name.

I just didn't talk to my family for a long time, got my shit together, and we get along much better now. Honestly it was my grandma giving me a different perspective that held everything together. She grew up poor, poor as shit, so for her just seeing us in a spot where we could feed ourselves and each other to even worry about petty shit made her happy.

[Tiffany_Taylor_Made]

I was out my parents' house when I was 18, and ever since then, my parents no longer had any control over me. I'm Black too, but still never felt them trying to control me. I don't think I would be able to live if my parents did what the parents in your examples did. However, I do recall my dad attempting to control who I dated when I was in college, but I instantly put a stop to that. I wasn't surprised though because dads do that with their daughters. Still, I had to remind him that I was an adult now and that I was going to do things my own way. To my surprise, he was understanding. Nonetheless, they allowed me to do what I wanted and live how I wanted because I was an adult, but they did always call to check on me, give me advice, and made sure that I made smart and logical decisions in my life. To be honest, I'm about to be 30 soon, and they still do this until this day. Lol I don't mind it at all. I think it's nice of them.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Um, thats weird. Now don't get me wrong, parents as far as I can tell don't ever see you as grown up (My parents still act as if I was ten, act like the things I did when I was ten are still relevant now or that I am the same person as I was then. Same goes for a lot of my friends as far as i can tell). But what is weird is that they let them.

If my parents start pulling any bullshit I call it out immediatley. Its actually quite awesome, when they call and they start nagging I let them know if they continue I will hang up and then when they do. . . click. Its supremely satisfying and I recommend it to every one.

But yeah, thats weird that they obey their parents commands at that age, I sure as hell don't.

[V4mp315]

28 y old, Single mother of a 5 yr old girl and I still get some of that. It has been a problem because due to that my relationship with my boyfriend hasn't been the greatest because he says my parents don't let me do my life as an adult and I can actually see that In many ways that's true I've tried to let my mother know but they get mad at me

[Chikky]

Don't get me started on African mom, way too controlling. I can't leave home, I can't go out without telling her, practically I need to seek permission to do everything. I can't wait to leave home and get married and have my own kids. That's the only way out!!

[Ozanne]

No. My parents had nothing to say about my comings or goings, and they had no control over how I spent my money. I did however, turn to them often for advice, and they were great at giving good, practical solid advice. Even today, I still turn to them for help when I'm not sure of things. :)

[Jjpayne]

Thankfully for me they did not, however both my parents still had a view about how much time I was owed to spend with them. So while I had a new place I was still required to see my mom and dad separately at least two times a week for each 😊 which was a little crazy at times

[JuliaStyles]

I figure my parents have more experience than I do at my age. So I lean towards them for financial advice and in other things that I am not good with. I mean what does a novice have over those with 40 years of living and learning. We all think we know what's best for us and in making our own decisions, but how many times could someone tell us, "I told you so"?

[Walamagicc]

I have black parents so I can relate to this. I moved out of their house about 6 months ago because felt that they were controlling and no they didn’t try to control me once I moved out. I do pretty much whatever I want and they can’t tell me otherwise. I’m not living in their household so I don’t have to abide by their ridiculous rules.

[_no_one_]

Nope, i barely contact my dad.
My mom do give me advices sometimes, i appreciate them but she never actually forces me to do something. I live with my sister cuz she and i go to the same University do i still am not totally independent. Most of my breaks i like to spend at my mother's cuz of my Little step brother and when i am there they have their say lol.

[Finchie40]

No , my Mom was sad I was leaving but My Dad was just like good luck lol but they told me the door is Always open if I ever needed to come back that was 20 years ago , I never went back , My parents pretty much never bothered or interfere in my life , but if I ever really needed them they would help me out

[Anonymous]

To a certain extent yes. I remember when my boyfriend & I decided to go out one night. My mother kept calling me and even mentioned, “Where are you now? You can’t be at (insert name of place) because they’re closed now”

HUH? So you googled their hours? Why? 🙄 (and she was wrong because it was at a different location so the hours were different). Mind you, this was after I moved out AND been with my boyfriend for over a year! That car comment you made is such a trigger for me smh lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

No I moved out at 17 and supported myself since. I still would go help my mom with yardwork and shoveling, not because I was ordered to, but because she has severe asthma and doing those things sometimes caused an asthma attack... But her trying to control me or take my money, no my mom isn't like that

[Yads_Is_Back]

To an extent, yes. I was using my dad’s card for four years. Financially he saw every purchase I made.
But even if not, he raised me to do things I know would please God and make myself happy in the long run. So he always has some control because I want to make him proud.

[hahahmm]

It's a mind game some parents play. The same people doing it to you didn't let anybody do it to them when they were your age so be smart... You can say, "no". You just have to stop caring what they think about it.

[StrikeJam]

I think this problem starts from the point of overprotective behavior of parents as well as they would feel lonely when their children will move out.
I've moved out at 18 (univercity in anouther city), and they were still trying to support me, what actually wnas ending up as try to control me) But it was difficult, due to big distance ))
From other side, in Europe, when children becone 18 they are kicked out from nest, to live by their own. And everybody is happy ))

[Lliam]

Once I was 17, my parents had little control over me even before I move out. In fact, they did things for me like give me my first two cars and help me out once in a while in other ways.

[Prettygurl12]

No. You shouldn't give your parents ANY money. My mom is a CPA so she does my taxes but I make all my financial decisions.

I also live across the country from my family so...

[H8INCHES]

I was fairly independent before I moved out after graduation at 17. Then I went overseas and didn't see them for 3 years. My mom still tried to bring things up even into my 30s. But I stopped her short and nicely told it was my life and I would decide how things would go.
Some of my siblings are still tied to mom and dad pretty tight, but I never had that issue. I think any tight family will be close always, but it's up to the kid to let the parents know their boundaries.

[OlderAndWiser]

I left home at 16 and moved 350 miles away to start college. My parents exercised minimal control, not too frequently, and only when they felt it was absolutely necessary.

[Redstang88]

None at all, even when I was still living with my dad he didn’t really care what I did as long as it wasn’t illegal.
Don’t understand how people allow their parents to control them after they move out

[Elliegirl]

Nope. My parents haven’t had a say so in what I do, but I still like to know they’re proud that I’m their daughter.

Why do you give your mom any of your paycheck?

[AndrewMG]

No, I left home at 18 and was probably too immature to realise what that meant, so I kinda wished I had parents that jumped in, but I followed a rocky path to end up being myself... I mean that clearly is an advert for parental help lol

[lightbulb27]

yes my mom never cut the cord and would try to control me. I slowly broke free, but some control remained. financial was never an issue for us, it was emotional and trying to limit risks for fear.

[Andres77]

If you're paying the bills then no they shouldn't be directing your life.
But they do have more experience than you so I'd stay open to their advice.

[BoobMan]

No. Once I was out and able to pay for my own stuff, I was independent. They can suggest things, but I have ultimate decision making autonomy. Once you can pay your own way there isn't much anyone else can do.

[linds34]

Yes, because I moved out to go to college. And they paid for the college. But after I graduated, I did / do whatever I want :)

[pajamasam]

No, I still talk to them and respect their opinions. But they've never told me what to do since I moved out.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Nope we don't leave our parents, we stay together in same house we have a hierarchy no matter you conquer the world they have the highest of order and say. 😂😂😂😂

[TallAnon]

Not at all, my mom still makes comments like "You should go outside more" and then I say "How about no" and that'll be it 😁 She's 6000km away and I know she cares, but that's about it. I have my own life.

[flamiE]

No but really they couldn’t even if they wanted to lol I moved to another country when I was 18. But even when I was living with them they would let me do whatever I wanna do, i guess they trust me a lot.

[RHK36]

That's a big no, lol. I took ass whooping when I was younger for not listening at home. Sure as hell didn't fly when I left. My parents softened the older they got. Living in the US made them soft.

[Diversity_Hire]

Nope. When I moved out I went for the Army and never looked back.

My mother does try to parent my children at times, but less so these days- she has realized I'm all out of fucks to give regarding her bullshit.

[tallcuck]

Narcissitic parrenthood of blacks, hispanics and other races might be the true cause of the desparity in success rates in later life. This is why. Narcissits breed narcissits, psychopaths and borderlines. The rest of the population doesn't narcissists, psychopaths or borderlines. So it might not be racism, but antinarcissism that the blacks and others are experiencing. Parrents have only so mich as you give them. I hope you will grow into an adult one day.

[DavidFox]

Nope, I have my own house and my parents treat me like an adult. I am independent and can go weeks without seeing them.

[FakeName123]

Not really, no. In fact, I became independant quite a bit even when still living together with my mom.

[DJB72]

You're over 21. If you don't live with them, why are you giving them your money?

[KingdomForAKiss]

No, I was in college and paying all my own way. Of course when I went home I followed their house rules out of respect.

[Anpu23]

No my mom is in a city 60 miles away. We talk a few times a week, my wifes mom lives in California and we're in Utah.

[JakeS00]

They shouldn't have control if they're of age. It should be left to the person who moved out of the parent's house to have independence and space. Not to be chained and not have experience growing up.

[douride2]

Control over my own life was one of the main reasons I moved out. Once I was on my own my parents had no say on what I did.

[R3DthatDude]

I have black parents to, but they stop talking to you if you disrespect them. I was pretty shocked about you having to give 75% of your check.. wow!

[JosyJosy]

No, that would drive me nuts. I'll listen to their opinion, but I call the shots

[TeeBar]

No... though I would always listen to my father's advice.

[Pink2000]

Absolutely not. They’d have no idea where I was or what I was doing.

[Jamie05rhs]

F*ck no. They don't say sh*t.

When you grow up, you're grown. Only you can decide what you make of your life. (But that comes with responsibility, too. It is expected that you don't act like a fool.)

[Liam_Hayden]

I never moved out. I inherited the house when my mom passed. But my parents gave me the freedom to do whatever I wanted when I was 16.

[Chris_u006]

Not per see, but some attempts in the beginning... For no reason too, not easy to let go of the control when beeing a controlfreak...

[BobbyC65]

I was free to do as I want when I finally moved out on my own my parent didn't have any say. 💞

[worldscolide]

I moved out when I was 16.. The moment I left my mother had ZERO say

[Blaine999]

Noooo way, if my parents had tried to prevent me from leaving they'd quickly realize what a mistake that would be

[AlexDeLarge]

My mom wasn't like that all. She'd only pull the parent role if I had to borrow rent money. It was so I'd learn from my mistakes

[MaximisPryme]

Yes, to some extent, even though I still live ‘next door’ to her.

That is terrible that your parents would do that to you!

[Mehzmeh]

Nah once I, moved out I, was on my own. But, once I, went to there house. Then it was their rules. Lol.

[Jaytheboomer]

My wife and I have tried to run my stupid daughter s life because she is completely incapable of adulting but she's just tells us to kiss her fat tattoo ed ass.

[Eleni079]

No cause I was disowned and taken in by my grandmother.

[MyBigMystery]

Well no I'm not a slave to my parents. It's not that bad more trying to help but not really helps at all

[tjbyrd39]

Pfffft... My mom scary as fuck still... I would literally rather have to take on anything in this world then deal with her when she's pissed.

[nawtee_me]

Heck when my kids graduated from high school I was ready to kick them out of the house but they would not leave... lol