Why do I feel like I don’t belong?

Anonymous
I go to college four hours away from home. I’m 19 and I have a roommate who I’m kind of friends with but I’m very unhappy up there. I don’t have a lot of friends so I’m always by myself. I come home a lot but I feel like an outcast sometimes. I’m the oldest and whenever I try to talk to my sister she acts dismissive and never tries to befriend me and pushes me away and my parents always fault me for it. Even with my father he picked me up from the airport and was arguing with me about what took me so long to make it to baggage claim and didn’t say one word to me in the car. I paid for my plane ticket home. At dinner I sit at the island table and my dad will ask my other two siblings about their day and sometimes it’ll be like I’m not even there. Every time I’m in the convo it’s because I butt in. Me and my mom argue all the time too. Today they decided to go to the movies and I didn’t because it’s late notice. After dinner they walked out the door and didn’t say anything to me. I feel like my sister is always trying to compete with me with little comments she makes. And she got into all her colleges and I’m there for her and my dad said he would give her $100 for every college she got into. He didn’t make the same offer for me and I got into every college I applied to. He always sounds like he dosent wanna talk to me and when I talked to him about meeting my boyfriend he acts like he dosent want to and his whole mood changes. Also once during Christmas we were in the car and I heard my dad talking to my mom about how raggedy I looked and I need to take pride in how I looked. This hurt me so bad because I care sm about my appearance and wear makeup and my siblings look like they just roll out of bed. I thank God for my boyfriend who’s amazing but I’m closer to my aunt and uncle then my immediate family. I feel like they don’t appreciate me and whenever I bring it up they laugh at me and say I’m being dramatic. I don’t know what to do.
Why do I feel like I don’t belong?
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