Boyfriend says he wants to break up because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore?

What happened is this, my boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year. We're in a serious and matured relationship. I always knew that he had an ex he cherished a lot. Recently, he told me that he still couldn't get over his ex and that he still loves his ex more than he loves me. He asked me if we should call it quits or just separate for the time being. I don't know what got into me and I was trying to be cool and hence I said, we'll call it quits then. He sounded worried and told me the fact that I'm so cool about it worries him. I assured him that I'm fine and that's the end of things.

A couple of days after the "breakup", I went out with a bunch of his friends and they told me that if I really really love him, I should give it another try. I shouldn't give up so easily and just give him time.They knew I loved him very much and I think they told him I broke down that night. He sent me a text that same night saying that he's sorry he's hurt me and he doesn't think he can take hurting me even more if this doesn't pan out...that is why he decided to end it now.

That text suggest to me that he still want this relationship but he's afraid of the risk of hurting me again. After thinking over and over again, I decided to give our relationship another try because I know I really really love him and he is a good guy. So, I texted him to chat casually, asking him how was his day etc and eventually asked him out for breakfast. He replied with a no. He was giving me the cold shoulder and hasn't texted me ever since.

Whats going on in his mind? I know if he's willing to give it another try, we would be able to work it out, after all, we hardly ever argue and we're both so comfortable being in this relationship. We understand each other and we compliment each other. Its only after I confronted him about his ex that he told me he still can't get over her. Should I still hang on? what's stopping him from being in a relationship with me? I've already told him that I am not demanding him to forget his ex, I'm willing to give him as much time as he needs and that we'll work things out. :'( I don't want us to break up...


Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like he is not quiet sure of what he wants. He loves you but he loves his ex. I think that it would be wise if you both took some time to figure out what you both need. For him he needs to figure out what he needs and you you need to figure out if you want to compete with his thoughts of his past. Definitely stay in contact but take your time.

    • what do I needa do to stay in contact? I tried asking him out for breakfast but he shot the thought down...i mean, I don't wana risk bugging him and be a pest...what do you think I shud do? thanks alot...

    • He is gonna have to make his own choices of course. The most you can really do is just let him know that your there as his friend. The things you can do which it sounds like your already doing is give him a call occasionally and try to hang out sometimes. Really the rest is gonna be up to him.

    • Dear all, thanks for your input...its been almost 2 months since the breakup...i'm proud to say I've been independent and I've been keeping myself pretty occupied with work and friends...i still bump into him occasionally and I tried my best to be cool about things.. he did text me twice or so throughout these 2 months to ask me how I was etc...The way I look at it, I think he's moved on ...altho I still love him and miss him so so much...i suppose I'll just have to move on too...

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • in the same situation as know just let him have his space that he need...if you talk to him just be your sweet self...but if he can't stop thinkin bout his ex there nothing you can boyfriend can't forget his ex of 14 years...that was his 1st love..all I can do is be my swwetet self toward him..good luck

    • Of course no one forgets there ex but you can't let it hinder current or future relationships. You have to be fully commited in your current relationship and he doesn't sound so sure of what he wants right now.

  • I would say to do what you can to move on. I know that sucks to hear but you can't wait for him to decide if he wants you. Don't hang on.