Dated for a year and a half and now "just friends." I messed up. Bad.

So (Ex) girl and I dated for about a year and a half. We are now both freshman in college at the same town we were in high school in.

We had a lot of back and forth over the summer...and its my fault. I got the idea in my head that I wanted to be single. I wanted total freedom. etc.

But I didnt. It was my dad telling me that she was all these things that she wasnt(crude words) that got me into that warped thinking.

We continued to hang out inbetween breakups, and I thought she was okay with it. I was dumb, I didn't realize how badly I hurt her...Another big mistake of mine was continuing to be sex buddies with her. Anyways. in October she called me one day and we talked for a long time about how she couldn't do it anymore. And that's when my head got clear...i shouldnt have listened to my dad. We have stayed friends since then, but I want to show her I am the old me so bad. I know I won't hurt her again. and I love her so much. I always did.

I was stupid of course and emotional, I earned her trust back by being her friend and we dated for another three weeks over thanksgiving. And one day we were talking about how she wanted to go to london and study for a year (in like 3 years), and she broke down about us going different paths. (Me thinking that's a really BS reason for a break up) But I let her have her space, thinking maybe she needs to clear her head.

.and then she said we are just different people now and she doesn't think she can try again. I know she doesn't want to be hurt, I don't want to either. But this girl is special. She is not just some girl I've dated for a long time. She gets me like no one ever could. I was stupid and kept bringing it up about us dating, even though I knew it wouldn't work out right now because we are both hurting, but the way she acts is like...She is completely over me. we hang out some...but she talks about how I should find other girls etc.

She has gotten really strong and independent. I am proud of her, but when we broke up before thanksgiving and got back together. She acted completely unattracted to me, then broke down later.

But we were talking a few nights ago, she said If I keep wanting more she wants me to leave her alone. So I agreed just friends. (and told her I knew it wouldn't work right now since we both need healing)...Is there any hope for a future together. I will survive with her as a friend...but ide prefer as her guy.

She is scared to tell me things (I used to get mad about really stupid shit, but since september I've been in control of my anger). My best friend told me our other friend and her were at a party...and he was drunk and asked her out. She said no, but that's still a strong slap in the face to me by Tim, even if girl and I are just friends.

She is really defending her heart., I don't want to be in "friend zones"

Her friends are defending her from me too, I know I can show her I have changed for good. But how? ANY advice welcome.
Dated for a year and a half and now "just friends." I messed up. Bad.
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