Feelings developing for a married man?

I met this guy through pick up futbol. We hit it off immediately. I was very attracted to him, but he was married, so I never tried to pursue anything.

After several months of knowing each other, he randomly texted me. He had gotten my number through a mutual friend, who is like a brother to me. It was very innocent at first because I was very much against putting myself in a questionable situation.

The innocence developed into a friendship.. it was clear he needed someone to confide in. Against my better judgement, I allowed it to continue.

He is from the Caribbean, moved to the States for school, then he got married to a woman he loved. They started a business, but because he was not yet a citizen, it had to be put in her name. It became fairly successful and one of the perks was getting to travel. His then wife and her best friend went to Jamaica for two weeks. They had planned the trip to go crazy and meet up with men they met online.

His wife's friend felt guilty and told her boyfriend, which eventually led to him finding out. Furious, he left everything he had and moved down south to where his brother was living. She did not want him to leave her and threatened him, making false accusations.

Upon his divorce he realized that he was going to have to leave the states. This is when his ex-wife's good friend confessed to him that she had known about how his ex-wife's numerous affairs. The friend told him that she would do whatever it took so that he wouldn't have to leave-- she would marry him. It wasn't love, but it wasn't meant to be fraudulent either. He thought that they could make it work because she seemed cool and they had always got along.

For a couple years, it did work alright. He said with time though, she became more and more of a witch. One day she told him that she was interested in swinging. He wasn't for it, but she convinced him to allow it on occasion-- he said being a man, it was hard to refuse. He, however, never really got into it and noticed that his wife was spending more and more time 'swinging' solo. She came to him after a while and told him that she would allow him to have one girlfriend because she had a girlfriend. He tried it and it blew up in his face. His wife still has her girlfriend and just recently he caught her doing witchcraft which is something he is completely against being raised Christian.

I began to let my guard down. I noticed it seemed as though he never wanted to be home between working 50 hour weeks, coaching, playing pick up, and working out.. Clearly he needed an escape, a friend. We began hanging out and it feels so right with him. I'm not sure if its just because I can't have him. He calls it the most twisted "Romeo and Juliet story" and I have to agree. He told me he is thinking about leaving her and going back to the Caribbean and coming up with ways for us to be together. I usually don't fall hard, but I have.. and I know its wrong. I need advice.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, you don't need advice. You need to figure out what your morals are and what you want. You've become the Other Woman - are you okay with this, under any circumstances? How far are you willing to go for this man? What are YOUR limits?

    Once you decide those things, then everything else is the same as it always has been - be strong for your man and pursue him, or cease contact and get over him - whichever you need. I'm not going to scold you, but I'm also not going to help you justify anything, or make decisions for you. Your tangent about his wife was totally unnecessary.

    • Correct

      I felt like the tangent about his wife was necessary for understanding the background of the situation, an attempt at justification..

    • Yeah, it's an attempt at justification, because no matter what way you spin it, he was not yours to take. But you did, so now you have to decide what you want to do. What values do YOU have? The most important thing is to make sure that you don't lose yourself for him. Make sure you can always respect yourself.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I like the fact that he is against witchcraft because he is a Christian yet does participate in swinging and other forms of adultery. If that is how committed he is to his principles, I wouldn't believe a single word he says.


What Girls Said 1

  • Do not walk.. RUN as far away from this situation as quickly as possible.